Make Myself A Legacy (Another Stray Kids Member)

Repentance

"I'm not seen as rude. Idol facade or not, I never was. But I need to be direct with you. Why did you really want to see me?" 

The boy had only seen this person in first memories yet he could never forget her. She was a regular face in the crowd. But to him, she was branded to his heart. A reminder of him failing at something. A reminder of his being a disappointment. Yet also a reminder of his life.

His mother. Who gave him away because she could not raise him. An excuse. An excuse to cover up a more painful truth.

"Leonardo..." the boy shook his head at the name. That never was his name and never will be. "Hyun Ki," the boy drew in a sharp breath and stuttered a reply to the woman before him. "Just call me Leon. It's my stage name." The woman felt her heart tighten at the boy's cold words. She had seen him on screen and he was never this cold. He was quiet and sometimes reserved but not this. She had also heard him in calls when she went to check up with her best friend. She would not ask about him but she heard his laugh. So similar to his father's and it was breaking her. "Leon, I just couldn't okay. You have to understand. I couldn't raise you. But I found you the perfect family to do so." The boy cut her off. His tongue couldn't be restrained. "You were selfish. The moment you knew I was coming, you should have made space for me. But you didn't. You just wanted me gone okay?" Sure, his voice didn't rise. Nor did his body move to attack her. He was just sitting across her. But he was stiff, closed off, and appeared to want to leave. Yet she thanked him for being very courteous for staying and listening still. He was still better than most people. But she had no credit for who he was, even though she wanted. It was her fault anyway.

"I am sorry. I shouldn't be defending myself because I hurt you. And I have no right to say that what you felt was untrue. But I just needed to see you and ask for something impossible." She met his eyes that reflected hers. The same as her eyes, so small yet saw so much. But he saw more than she ever did because she was so blind to her love and priority for herself. He was the living proof as she picked herself over him. Something a mother should never do but was she even entitled to call herself a mother?

"I am asking you to forgive me before I leave everything I thought I needed behind. Such as wealth, your father, and my reasons for leaving you behind. But I am not leaving you anymore, I will remember you from now on. I want to guide you but I think you won't need me to." The boy was stoic yet his mind was its utmost chaos. Feelings he buried behind were resurfacing. All for a woman he didn't even know. Why was he even doing this? "Why do you need me to forgive you? As you and I know...we are not part of each other's lives." He had always been the type to be blunt, but he could also twist his words. He could make them more poisonous and he could make them lighter. But he was straightforward and blunt to her. "I am not dying physically, but I need rebirth for my life. I am admitting myself to a new practice. To correct my wrongs, and to do that, I must acknowledge the biggest wrongs of my life. And me leaving you is that Leon."

The boy got up and it appeared like he was about to leave. She prepared herself for this. She knew if he would leave her hanging then it would have never been his fault. It was still hers. But to her surprise, he hugged her. A warmth that was absent from her life, but something that felt so great. A hug from her son? Unsure if she had the right to address him like that. She had missed everything about him and it would always be her fault.

"I have forgiven you. Maybe it was unclear to all, even myself but I have. It's just you never asked for it yet I gave it. I don't know you. I hope you understand why. But I wish you all the best. I wish you happiness." This boy was someone that shared her blood. Not her son but someone to be proud of and it resonated with her. His words were everything. It was more than she deserved. Yet this man here was too good of a man in this world. And she was thankful for the family she had given him to. To raise him like this.

He parted away from her space and said a quiet goodbye. But gave her a letter first before leaving.

The boys received a call from the boy before they even called him. He opened up to them all that happened. He didn't cry on the phone. He didn't really cry his heart out. But he was honest. He exposed his life to them without them asking him to. He exposed something they knew had hurt him at some point and at his own will. He wasn't fully healed but he was ready to heal together with the boys and they were happy. They were allowed to help him shine.

The woman couldn't read the letter immediately. It took her a few days after, just 24 hours before she had to leave for her first seminar.

"Dear Ms. Cruz,

I don't know you. But at some point in my life to know you were the only thing I wished for. It took me seven birthday wishes before I stopped wishing for that. I didn't want to continuously disappoint myself for the rest of my life. Wishing for the impossible because you were. My situation is not uncommon. I have friends like me. Most of them either chose to forget or erase people in their lives. But I hope you know I never did that to you. I was taught better. With every recognition I got, I always wished that one day you'd hear about it and be proud of me. I hope you are proud of me now. I am working hard to be the best son.

I want to know you but I am afraid. Afraid that I am still not up to your standards. That was the reason I believed for so long why you left me. On why you didn't choose me. I hope that's not the reason. Yes, I have grown up into this confident man. But I want to hear it from you one day. That me not being enough was never the reason. I don't know if my wish is impossible. For I keep on blowing out a candle for that. I already achieved the impossible so maybe I could also get this.

I wish you the best. I do not know you. But I hope you become as great as I dreamed you to be. Maybe at some point in this life or in another, we'd reconnect. Maybe not as mother and son. But as two people who understand. People who would choose to fit the other in their lives.

Goodbye and good luck.

Yours truly,

Leon Ahn, a man of his word and a man dreaming for impossible."

She cried and cried. Tears of sadness and joy. She had birthed the best boy. Not her son but...someone to be proud of. Maybe one day, she'd give him the impossible. She could. 

(Hope you all enjoyed this. I dedicate this to all my friends who chose to be the people they are now. They try to be better than what people think they are. Leave a comment, request, vote, and add this story to your reading lists. I updated earlier today so that I could make it up to all of you)