Spider-Son & Iron Dad one shots

Annual Vine Oneshot(s)

A/N: it is that annual time of year where I publish a vine chapter to celebrate the day I joined wattpad—I hope everyone is staying safe, both physically, mentally and emotionally. take care of yourselves!

They're in the lab. The two haven't been talking to each other, but rather keeping to themselves as they work. This isn't an unusual occurrence, for after a few years, there isn't much to say and there isn't need for an icebreaker because silence is no longer uncomfortable.

Peter, who was sitting in a beanbag chair that he duck taped to the ceiling—yes, you read that 100% correctly—suddenly speaks up.

"Mr. Stark, what was your senior quote?" He asks, looking down from his phone to meet the top of Tony's head.

Tony tilts his head up at him, and then shrugs. "Eh, it was pretty cliche. It was just dEATH IS IMMINENT AND THE DAY OF RECKONING IS A P P R O A-"

Peter is so caught off guard by the reference that once he realizes what was said, he falls off the ceiling with his laughter.

Tony starts to chuckle himself when Peter remains shaking on the floor, laughing so hard he can barely breathe. "You okay, kid?"

Peter can't manage to choke out a yes until a whole minute later.

——

"May, do you have a toothpick?"

Tony sighs, putting a hand up to his temple but still watching Peter in the kitchen. He knows what's about to happen, and he knows that he can't do anything to stop it. He might as well enjoy the show, no matter how much of a disaster it will be.

"Oh! Yeah, of course." May opens a cabinet and reaches for a small box of toothpicks. She opens the box and hands one to Peter.

"Thanks," Peter says. He takes the toothpick, and then, without a second thought, he puts it in his mouth and begins to chew it like gum.

The crunch of the toothpick is sickening, akin to the grinding sharp sound of a tooth when it breaks. But Peter's face remains stoic. He is desolate.

Tony tries not to let out so much of a snicker or snort as May's jaw drops, disgust and confusion hitting her features as if she had been slapped. "Peter! Spit that out right now! What on earth are you thinking?"

Under his breath, Tony murmurs the rest of the forbidden video.

"Oh h h h no o—"

——

Spider-Man could not tell you why the bad guys of the universe all want to have some sort of monologue, but they apparently all do.

Usually he would be fine with letting the bad guy rant for a bit. It didn't hurt anyone, and it was distracting the guy anyways. But Peter was tired today.

He hadn't gotten sleep in two days, and he was genuinely trying to not fall asleep while the guy was talking. Seriously, this guy just kept TALKING. Would he ever shut up? Peter knows that he talks a lot himself, but this is a whole other level he couldn't even aspire to reach.

The Bad GuyTM shakes their head. "How does it feel to be the worst hero in this city?"

The self deprecating act was old news for Peter. The therapist Tony paid for is talking in the back of his mind about how he doesn't do that anymore, so he just shakes his head, looking for the best place to punch. "Shut up, ya mother buys ya Mega Bloks insteada LEGOs."

He throws the punch, and the guy is out cold instantly, falling to the ground with a dull thump.

Peter thinks distantly that the concrete does seem like a good bed, actually, and he wouldn't mind collapsing there himself. He quickly swings home before he can test the theory.