Growing

Growing Part 33

⚠️WARNING POSSIBLY TRIGGERING CONTENT⚠️

Ag's POV:

I woke some time later with a wasp in my brain and the Sahara desert in my throat. I grabbed my water bottle from my night stand and guzzled down the remaining water but it wasn't enough. I needed more liquor. Vodka was typically my choice. It wasn't a fluff drink filled with unnecessary sugars and it got the job done quickly. Plus it was clear so it was easy to hide in a water bottle. Early high school tricks I guess. I felt a presence so I looked towards the door and saw the small shadow of Anna. She was wrapped around herself leaning against the door jam. I didn't know how long she'd been there.

"Hey, bub." She whispered.

"Hey."

She walked to the end of the bed and sat down. I could see her face illuminated by the bright moon. I reached for the lamp turning it on and even that dim light brings pain behind my eyes. After wincing for a second a turn back to Anna. She looked at me with sympathy clear in her features.

"Did you talk to Mia?" I asked I knew she had to of heard the story and Mia was the only other one to know it.

"Yeah, but I want to hear everything you want me to. I'll just sit and listen."

"There's not really a lot to say. I relapsed."

"Okay, bub I understand that part but what brought it on?" Anna's voice was so soothing and patient but I also felt like a child being coaxed into revealing the truth.

"I don't know. I think I just missed it." Anna nodded waiting for more. "I'm not who I used to be though."

"I know, Ag. You've grown and changed for the better and I'm so proud of you."

"It feels good."

"What does love?"

"Being drunk, it makes me not have to worry about anything."

Anna's brows furrowed and she looked concerned. "I want you to be honest, Ag, I don't care about you hurting my feelings or whatever but... are you not happy in our relationship? Is that what's making you want this?"

"No, of course not Anna! I want to be in this relationship but I also don't want to be suffocated. Sometimes it's suffocating."

She flinched slightly at my voice rising, but I was getting pissed off at this point. "Look, don't you have class in the morning? I have work. We need to go to sleep I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Yeah I do. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you mad."

She walked out of our room and into the living room. I turned off the light and rolled to Anna's side taking in her faint smell. I had too big of a pride to ask her to stay in our bed with me so this would have to do.
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Anna's POV:

I tried stifling the tears but it was futile. Why was she so mean? I tried being as calm and understanding as I could. I love her so much and it's painful to see her struggling and refusing help. I just wanted to know the cause so I could help her. This was the first time since living together that we weren't sleeping in the same bed because we were uncomfortable with each other. We had already shared so many traumas that I thought anything would be easy. This wasn't easy.

I really should be going to sleep but the anxiety demon is keeping me awake. Question after question flooded through my mind and yet no answers found me. Would Ag be the same tomorrow or was she still getting over the alcohol? Did she go out because she's unhappy with our relationship? What is the appropriate response to something like this? Separation or closeness? I don't know. I really don't know. I fell into a pitiful interrupted sleep filled with dreams of loss.

I woke up to my alarm blaring next to me and frantically jumped to turn it off. I yawned and could feel that my eyes were bloodshot. I rose off the couch and stretched. This was definitely not our comfortable bed that I was used to. I started the pot of coffee and headed to our room to check on Ag.

She was still asleep of course. As far as I knew she had work at her usual time today which meant she had to leave in an hour. She needed to shower after being drunk and hungover. I walked over to her and brushed the hair out of her face, leaned down and kissed her temple.

"Bub, you need to get up."

She brusquely swiped my hand off her face and groaned. Not the reaction I was hoping to have, but I had to be patient.

"I'll handle it."

"Okay, I'm in love with you." It's what we said every morning before I left for school.

"Yeah me too." Wow. I didn't know something so simple could hurt so much. She didn't say it back like she always did. It's not a big deal it's fine.

"I—," I was hesitant to finish the sentence but I knew I should ask just in case. "I can leave you here right? You're not going to go anywhere other than work?"

"Yes, Anna I'll be fine you don't trust me?"

"Honestly, bub, you're not yourself and I'm worried about you."

"Yeah whatever." She closed her eyes and rolled away from me.

I called Mia once I was on the city bus headed to campus.

"Hey Mia. I have Midterms today so I'm not going to be on my phone a lot but can you keep checking in with Ag? She's worse than I thought and I don't know if she's okay."

"Yeah Anna of course I don't have class today so I'll text and call her often. I'm sorry about all of it."

"Me too. I don't know who she is right now, I just know it's not the Ag I fell for and not the Ag that she would be proud of. Anyway, I have to go last minute study since I wasn't able to last night. Love you."

"Good luck, love you."

The tears threatened again but I kept them from falling out as I pulled out my math textbook.
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Ag's POV:

A fix I need a fix. Jesus my head still fucking hurt. How would I get one? I don't have a fake ID, I could steal it. There's an option or I could have someone buy it for me. Maddie. She could and would do it she has a fake ID, but at what cost? Did I really care? I want to be better though, right? I couldn't let Anna down again. But I was so stressed and this drink was only to get my head to stop hurting not to get drunk so I was fine. I was completely fine. I called Maddie and she said she could have it to me in 20 minutes. It was just to stop my head from getting worse and then tomorrow I wouldn't need anything because I would be fine. Then I'd get back to normal and be with Anna and make her happy. Tomorrow I was going to be normal.
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