Growing

Growing Part 35

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

Anna's POV:

       No no no no no. This isn't real. It's just another one of my trust issue nightmares. Ag would never hurt me. She couldn't. I thought she was different, I thought that this was my person. My forever. She said she didn't love me anymore. Do I believe her, should I? Was I not deserving of love that I see around me? It was me, probably. It was always my fault when someone left. I was probably closed off or something.

       I left Ag on the bathroom floor and grabbed my duffel bag and began filling it hap hazardously. I grabbed everything that was mine that was easily seen in the dresser then I moved to the closet. I sobbed even harder when I grabbed one of Ag's hoodies that I always wore out of habit. I looked at it and memories flooded in when I wore it at my best and worst times. The first time was the night Ag and I were together for the first time at my mom's house. I wore it for a long time in the hospital after my accident, I even wore it as recently as the night of our last date. Was that really only two days ago? It felt like years. She was so happy that night wasn't she? How did it all change so quickly? So many questions that I was going to have to deal with being unanswered.

       I didn't even bother going to the bathroom cause I knew Ag was still there, so I grabbed my keys and carried my stuff to the door. I stopped with my hand on the doorknob. I leaned my forehead against the cold wood. She told me she didn't love me anymore, there wasn't really anything I could do to change her mind I guess. I didn't want to leave, but she didn't want me. I turned then pulled the handle and walked out to the unforgiving sleet rain. How fitting right? My inner turmoil completely mimicked the weather. I loaded my stuff and blasted the heater once seated in the driver's seat. As I drove to my mom's the cold never stopped and the trembling began. I truly couldn't tell if it was from the Michigan rain or my shattered heart.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Ag's POV:

       I laid on the floor like the hound I was all the while listening to Anna's stifled sobs as she moved about our- well I guess not "our" room, my room now. She quickly got all her stuff except for anything she had in our, my bathroom.  I heard her walk to the front door but I didn't hear it open right away. That's when the sobs began. The kind of sob that overrules your whole body and makes you shake. That's what I had. She was my heart and soul. My breath in my lungs, the blood in my veins. Leaving. Because of who I had become. A coward. I told her I didn't love her. I pushed her away. I heard the door open then close and it was over. It was really over.

       I couldn't breathe. It felt as if my lungs were being squeezed and my chest was caving in. I was shaking so badly that it was distorting my vision. I stood on unsure legs and headed for the kitchen. I was angry. I was angry at the world and I was angry at alcohol. I was mad at God, if there was a damn God. Maybe the universe screwed me up, huh?

"SOME SICK FUCKING JOKE! HUH?! YOU'RE SO FUCKING FUNNY!"

       I grabbed the glasses we had on the counter and threw them. I heard them shattering against the wall. Anger seethed through me. I pulled down the pictures on our walls and destroyed the frames. I pulled out the plates and smashed them everywhere. I loved the chaos I created. I controlled it.

"FUCK YOU!"

       I was screaming at everything and nothing at the same time. I was angry at everyone. At Maddie for enabling me and at Anna for loving me. Making me think I was deserving of such happiness when this is truly who I am. I was angry at myself. For everything that I was and everything I couldn't ever be. I couldn't be her comfort, her protector. I couldn't provide stability. Her pleasure. I couldn't love her like she needed to be loved because I was incapable of loving who I am. I collapsed in a pile of my destruction and tears as I forgot the world as everything faded.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••