Just Like That

65. "dreams about heaven"

Breanna Michelle Santana

Ever since my plane landed in Oregon, Kaign and Dylan were babying me. That is, whenever they took a break from their petty arguing.

They said my episode during the flight was a panic or anxiety attack. There's some differences between the two, but I'm sure they just thought I was dramatic. If anything, I'd call it an epiphany: a sudden realization. What did I realize suddenly? That maybe things with Grayson weren't all his fault. And it sucked that I couldn't stop thinking about him. Hell, my whole world revolves around him. Who am I if I'm not his? Pathetic, I know. I wonder if this is just another dramatized tale of young love that will eventually pass and teach me a lesson, or if I'm actually a victim of heartbreak. Either way, a lot was left unresolved and I wanted nothing more than closure. It's what I deserved. I supposed that once I ever got that closure, maybe then I'd get over him finally.

I woke up with a splitting headache. The time on the digital clock to my left read 12:35 PM. I'd remember to get on myself for sleeping in so late another time but, for now, I blamed my laziness on the jet lag.

Before anything else, I turned on the tv and immediately switched to some cartoons. For the first time, I didn't bother checking my phone for notifications because I quite literally didn't care who was trying to get a hold of me, and how their selfies looked, or what today's drama was.

All one hundred and thirty-something pounds that made up my 5'8" body sunk into the cushion and consumed me so comfortably, I didn't want to move even to pee.

My stomach growled and I ignored it as I've been doing for weeks prior. And I would've called room service but that would mean getting up to open the door, actually eat the food, and keep it down.

Is it bad that every time I threw up I hoped it was morning sickness? Crazy to think I'd even want to be pregnant, being that it would be his baby and I'd have to coexist with him after everything when I damn sure wasn't ready for that. However, maybe a child would bring us together?

A splitting cramp in my stomach was enough to make me rush to the bathroom. I kneeled over the toilet and braced myself but nothing came out.

Who am I kidding, I thought in my head. I'm not pregnant.

All of my limbs became jelly and I melted to the bathroom floor, lying on my back as I stared up at the ceiling.

Just as my eyes shut and I felt myself slipping into a dream where I was floating amongst the Heavens and Elvis's "Can't Help Falling in Love With You" was playing - his voice like pure gold in my ears, in walked Kaign.

"Honey, what are you doing?" The way he said it, so you unamused like he had gotten used to my weirder behaviors.

I kept my eyes shut as I tried going back to that happy place but it became less vivid until it escaped me altogether.

Back to reality.

I vibrated my lips and locked my fingers on top of my empty stomach.

"I'd say good morning but it's almost one in the afternoon. How'd you sleep?" Asked Kaign who had to put a towel down before joining me to sit on the floor.

If I was in my right mind I wouldn't be sitting on a hotel floor either, let alone lying on it.

"I slept," I grumbled back in response. That just meant I didn't sleep good, nor bad necessarily. I simply laid down at night, shut my eyes and my brain slowed down for some hours in order to engage in the process of recharging for the next day so I could function properly.
Well, I wouldn't call this functioning "properly."