47. My Always

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Yuxin's POV

I stared blankly at my reflection in the mirror. I look horrible. A mess I don't know how to fix, myself. My eyes are all swollen and red from endless crying. I sigh and ruffled my hair before playing the music again and standing at the center of the room to start practicing again.

I've already practiced the dance for who knows how many times. But I still can't seem to do it right. I keep forgetting some moves and as time passes, my frustration amd irritation only grew. I can't focus. No matter how hard I try, I can't. I'm too worried. Worried about Y/N, about the finals, myself, us. I don't know what to do anymore.

I soon found myself in the middle of the floor, breathing deeply as my tears started to form again. It has been three days since Mr. Hu broke the news to us. Although much time has passed, it still have not sunk in to me. I can't believe it, more like I refuse to believe it.

I want to run to Y/N, find comfort in her right now, but I can't. The producers are not letting us out until late morning, claiming that it's for our safety. It's funny, really. How they claim that it's for our safety when what they're doing is keeping me away from my safety. Y/N, she was, no, she is my home, my safe place, where I feel at ease. How the hell did this happen to us? We were just trying to be happy, is that such a crime? I'm lost. I don't know.

I hastily wiped my tears away and tried to compose myself. But it was for naught as more tears jus followed. I couldn't hold it back anymore and broke down crying. I don't know for how I stayed like that. Crying, thinking, trying to figure out how it all went wrong.

It's deadly silent. The low sound of the music filling the empty space of the room but not the empty space in my chest. No one is up yet, considering that it's still so early. 3:30 in the morning, some trainees are even just starting to sleep now.

How ironic is it? It's the 28th of May. Y/N and I would have been celebrating our second month together as soulmates. Two months, approximately sixty days. Too little, too short time yet a lot of things already happened to us. I can't help but think that this is Fate's way of hinting at us. That maybe we really should not have met yet.

I know, it's stupid. How could that be possible if fate led me here, in the first place? The only thing keeping me going is the promise that we made to each other. I know we are going to get through this. It's just that I'm still uncertain as of when.

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I felt a hand being placed in my shoulder. I slowly looked up and saw Snow standing behind me through the reflection in the mirror. I continued to look at her, my swollen eyes meeting her concerned ones. She didn't say anything either and just gave a small smile.

"I-I think I w-want to be alone right now." I sniffed and broke away from the eye contact to wipe my tears away.
"Well, I know you don't." She said lowly before sitting beside me on the floor.

"This... This is embarrassing." I whispered as I turned to compoae myself. I've never been one to openly express my emotions and thoughts. O don't like being under someone's pitying eyes. It makes me feel more down, I guess.
"You should not be embarrassed for feeling emotions. What would be embarrassing is if you can't." She assured.

"What are you still doing up anyways? Did you even sleep?" She asked, making me look at her and nod slightly.
"Yeah, I did. What about you? What are you doing out?" I asked back.
"I just woke up, actually. But I can't ho back to sleep. Figured I'll just discharge some energy by practicing." She answered before it all turned quiet.

I didn't bother opening up another topic for a conversation. It's so quiet that you van hear practically anything. The atmosphere is comfortable enough, but underneath that is a slowly building up tension.

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