Formula 1 oneshots

Saved (Max Verstappen x Reader)

Summary: Max is supposed to be away, and Y/n releases all her feelings on herself, but luckily he comes home just in time to help her calm down

Note: TOMORROW'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Warnings: this deals with a lot of mental health problems, suicidal thoughts/behaviour and self harm. I'm not using those topics for clout, but to spread awareness that even influencers or significant names go though stuff like this, and we all need to be kind to each other. I personally did experience that, and still am, so make sure you respect others like you would like to be respected as long as they're polite with you. 

Y/n POV

I sat down on my bed. 4. I had a total of 4 panic attacks since the morning. Usually they were pretty mild, but the last one was incredibly bad. Max left and he was going to be away for the whole week, but he told me to call him every time my anxiety increased. I was very guilty of lying. Putting on a fake smile and happy tone every time he was in his drivers room or in the hotel room and decided to check on mr. It would always be the same question with the same answer "no panic attacks today baby" and when we would eventually hang up for the night and I would cry myself to sleep for lying to my own boyfriend and knowing that the cycle would never end.

I pulled down my sleeve of my non dominant arm and glanced at the straight lines of skin discolouration, scars. There were a lot of those in my forearm, and I always got insulted, called "arm barcode" and dangerous. As one can imagine, causing me more self injury. My skin had almost healed, but I knew I didn't deserve it. Besides, the physical pain took away the rest. It was a drug. It was addictive. I couldn't stop.

When I was 15, the suicidal thoughts started appearing and my first attempt was when I was 16. Of course, the police managed to stop me cause my nosy ass neighbours decided to play peeping Tom and report my strange behaviour. From then I had more than 10 attempts, only 4 of them known by the psychiatric authorities. Last time I left the mental hospital, I decided it was time to get my life together, and that was how I met Max. He saw me as an actual human being rather than a depressed freak, like what the other blonde skinny rich girls called me. When we started dating, I made a promise to myself, and that was to stop self harming. It was a promise I still need to accomplish.

I reached for a hidden box at the end of my drawer and opened it, to see the usual small blade I used once every week (month if I was resilient enough to stay clean) and grabbed it. As I did what I had to do, I couldn't stop myself from thinking horrible things about myself. I only stopped when the crimson liquid started dripping everywhere. I started feeling guilty, but my pain was distracted by the painful stinging in my non dominant wrist. I put everything back and stood up. "Shit" I said under my breath as I said that my blood had stained the white duvet. Out of frustration I grabbed the whole thing and tossed it in the closet and slammed it shut. I put my back against it and slid down to the floor, feeling my eyes starting to water. Why was I so insignificant and weak? I was addicted to what I knew would eventually kill me.

Being Max's girlfriend publicly was not easy. I worked a decent job as a small business owner, I paid my bills and rent regularly, and often worked in the charity field by volunteering. However, despite always doing my best, I got a lot of social media hate. Teenage girls, even guys, karens, 70 year old women. What happened to girls supporting girls? The only girl friends I seemed to have were a lot of trans women, who understood the social media hate and whom I also worked with when I was running a free makeup course for trans women, including free makeup from my small business. 

I was pulled out of my train of thoughts when I heard the house door open and Max's voice. "Babe I'm home!". Shit. He wasn't supposed to be home for another few days. "Hey Max" I yelled from the bedroom "why are you back so soon?". I heard his heavy footsteps approaching the bedroom "COVID cases rose again and they cancelled the trip. Can I come in?" He asked. shit shit shit. "Just a sec. I'm naked" I yelled. "Babe you don't have to be ashamed, I've seen naked many times. I'm coming in".

At the sound of those words I quickly put on my heavy long sleeved jumper that I stole from Max, and just in time he opened the door. "You really like that jumper don't you?" He smirked and I chuckled nervously "huh? Oh yeah! Yeah! The jumper. Of course" I said, failing to hide the anxiety in my voice with a trembling tone. "Are you sure you're ok?" He asked, visibly concerned. Out of instinct I pulled down my sleeve even more, not knowing that my blood was seeping through. He didn't say anything, but he obviously caught onto that cause he approached me and took my arm and pulled up the sleeve, revealing my cuts. 

He cringed at the sight of my blood, and I looked away, embarrassed and afraid to face his disappointment. "Y/n-" he said but I interrupted him, on the verge of tears "I'm sorry" I whimpered. He immediately wrapped his strong arms around me, allowing me to melt into him as I sobbed. "Y/n you should've told me" he mumbled into my shoulder. "I know, I'm so sorry" I bawled. He led me to the bathroom where he cleaned the mess up, and I was so disgusted with myself to even look at him. 

He wrapped a bandage around my wrist and when it was secured, he placed a light kiss on it. "Baby I love you. Why are you ruining yourself like this?" He asked sympathetically. "It's just- everyone in the world seems to hate me only because I'm dating you, and I hate it so much. Sometimes I wish I could just-" I couldn't even finish the sentence when I started bawling uncontrollably again. Max picked me up, brought me over to my bed and gently set me down. "No one" he said "no one comes for my baby. You should ignore those people, because for every one of them, you have ten fans of yours who love you. I love you". 

He placed a gentle kiss on my lips and climbed in bed next to me (and yes the duvet was still missing but he figured out where it was). "I love you too Max. I don't know where I'd be without you. You saved me" I whispered quietly. "We saved each other" Max replied before I dozed off.