Secret for now (Buddie fan fic) [COMPLETE]

Addiction Rise Ch 37

WARNING⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
This chapter includes self harming. You have been warned.

Buck was resting on the bed while eddie is working. He wanted to stay but buck insisted he should go. Maddie and Chim also tried to stay but buck talk them as well.

It's just him alone in the hospital for now until eddie is done with his shift or anyone in that matter.

He cannot removed the images of what he been through with everything. He remembered the man who stab him, Christopher almost dying because of chloe and simon, getting crush by the fire truck, The blood thinners, etc.

He was trembling as he remembered all those memories. He usually forget it or moved on. But it seem they are all coming back. He feels broken for some reason.

He should be happy, right? He finally told eddie that he love him, He will become an uncle in a few months, The team are trusting him again after the lawsuit, He made new friends from the 126.

"Why do I feel so empty for some reason?" he said to himself as he stares at his trembling hand. He though he was having another panick attack but this time it's different.

Buck looks at the wound in stomach and he press on it. The pain suddenly arise from his stomach. Few tears drop as he felt the sharp pain down below.

For some reason he forget the bad thing that happened to him when pain is involved.

He never told anyone about this before. He was hiding a secret that nobody in the family knows. Before he became a firefighter he was addicted to self harming.

He was having difficulty accepting that he is having feelings for justin buck's friend before he died in a car crash. He tried so many ways to fix it. He ask advice to some people, he hook up with so many woman to fix him. He even go so far as too dating abby to just feel something, anything.

When he first tried to self harm. He felt alive fore some reason. He first just use small blade but after a lot of cuts it doesn't affect him anymore so he started something stronger like a knife.

But when he started realizing that he is breaking himself from all the cuts. He wanted to stop but he can't he was addicted to it.

I took him almost a year to finally get over the self harming. He though he barred it along with buck 1.0, guest it's still in him.

He press again his wound and blood started dripping. He felt the pain but that doesn't matter he needed that.

After a while he got tired and just sleep. When he woke up he see his boyfriend and his sister talking to the doctor about something.

"So he will be discharge today. Here is the list for buck's medicine. Call me if something trouble him okay sir diaz" The doctor said and then leaves.

"Buck your awake!" maddie said as she hugs her brother.

Buck felt the pain from his stomach when maddie hug him.

"Sorry I did not meant to hurt you" Maddie apologize.

"I'm fine maddie don't worry" Buck replied.

"So the doctor said you'll be discharge later. So are you staying at Maddie or with me?" Eddie ask.

"I will just stay in my apartment" Buck answered.

"What who will take care of you there?" Maddie ask.

"Yeah what if something happened and we were not there to help you" Eddie added.

"You know I can handle myself. I'm not a kid anymore" Buck replied.

"But what if-" Eddie said.

"No buts" Buck cuts eddie off.

"I will be fine and If you want you cam visit me in the apartment anytime" Buck added.

"Fine but please becareful" Eddie said.

"What? Eddie what if something happened?" Maddie said.

"He will be fine he isn't a kid" Eddie said.

"Fine but I will visit you as much as I can" Maddie said.

"No you should rest I't's not good for the baby ok. Eddie will visit me from time to time. Ok" Buck said.

"But I'm your --" Maddie said but buck cuts her off.

"Yeah your my sister and I'm worried about the baby" Buck replied.

"Fine but please recover fast I can't have my baby without his uncle holding his stomach like a pregnant woman" Maddie joked.

"Wow maddie did not expect you to joke in this situation" Eddie said surprise.

"Hehe well one of the perks of being pregnant losing control" She replied.

"Anyway I will pick you up later. Sound good?" Eddie ask.

"Sure see you later" Buck said and kiss eddie.

"Bye" Maddie and Eddie said.

Buck is alone again. He doesn't want anyone to leave him but he doesn't want to be the reason for them to stay either.

Buck pack his stuff for later as he doesn't have anything to do. As he puts his stuff it in the bag he grabs the electric razor that eddie use and his hand suddenly felt weak causing him to drop. Some part of the razor comes off.

He grabs the pieces and put them back together and something caught his attention. It's the blade inside the razor.

He looks around and saw none of the doctors, nurses or any person at all. He slowly move it to his hand. He felt the pain when the blade hit his skin and slowly move to a straight line.

He only wounded the palm of his hand. He quickly puts the blade back when he heard someone opening the door.

"Sir buckley are you alright?" A nurse ask.

"Yes I just drop my boyfriend's razor that all, clumsy me " Buck replied.

"Ok so here is the paper work you need to sign it in order the be released from the hospital" The nurse handed him the paper.

Buck grab the paper with his right arm because his left his wounded and the nurse might suspect something.

He sign his signature and give it back to the nurse. She waved goodbye and close the door. He left the other paper work that eddie needs to fill up.