Shut Up, Padfoot!

75

Was this a good idea?

Absolutely not.

Am I still going to do it?

Hell yeah.

The castle is begging for me to return. And the moment I set my foot on the familiar concrete, Hogwarts roared to life.

Taking a deep breath in, the remnants of six years past clung to my skin. Creaks in the building, drowsy whispers from paintings, and most of all: silence of the night.

But we all know what lurks inside the shadows. With creeping students to forbidden dormitories, striding Professors in dark hallways, and curious kitties along the corners. Almost a year had gone by and not a single inch has left my memory.

I bit my lip to suppress my smile. While I did come here to experience my home once more, I had other things to do.

Quickly but quietly, I walked down the corridor. My nose twitched when the twang of dust hit. One of the things I did not miss..

I brought my coat closer in on myself and hurried. The night can pass a lot more quickly when you have matters to attend to. My breath went up in the atmosphere the closer I got to my destination.

Walls and staircases grew even more familiar as I neared. Colors of red and gold adorn the area. Spirits gliding along the ceilings, feet low in the air.

"Password?"

Gazing upwards, the Fat Lady peered at her nails and lazily awaited my answer.

Shit.. I did not think this through. The Gryffindors are so predictable though, I'm sure they'll be using the same one from last year's spring.

"Banana Fritters?" I questioned.

She looked down her nose at me, the pink silk stitched into her dress shifted. Brows shot up her forehead and her mouth parted as she took in my appearance.

"Y-you're that girl!" she screeched.

Cursing myself in my head, I simply turned around. Granted, I do my worst thinking at night. I turned the corner and took a moment.

How am I going to get in there? Should I just wait until I see someone come by? And morph my looks to appear as someone they know? What if they'll think I took polyjuice and was a Slytherin imposter? Maybe I should–

"I must tell Violet!"

"Violet? Ma'am, what's going on?"

My throat constricted and I couldn't believe my ears. Peeking my head around the wall, my eyes focused on the source of the voice. With nails digging in the paint and trembling palms, I blinked.

Her hair was pinned at her nape, loose red strands framing her face. Hands full with pajamas and a towel. Lashes fluttering as her chin tilted upward.

"The blonde one! I must tell Violet!" she repeated.

Her braided bun bounced as she exited her painting. The large skirt following a few seconds afterward. I watched her figure enter the closest painting and zoom out of it just as speedily.

Lily sighed, her shoulders slouching. Freckled fingers curled around her towel and she stayed for a bit. Her back profile seemed so slim and petite. Shoulder blades were poking through her sweater.

She cocked her head slightly to the side like she sensed something. Or maybe she was just getting ready to leave.

Suddenly, her head whirled in my direction.

I held my breath and threw my back on the wall, away from her. My hair rapidly shortened and brunette bangs flicked onto my lids. Losing a few inches in height and changing my facial features to the fastest version that flashed through my mind.

In a millisecond, I transformed into a completely different person. But it still won't help if she found me and wondered why I was watching.

"Y'know what.. I can't deal with this right now. Bye, ghost," she meekly spoke to herself.

The sound of her dragging slippers receded and I thanked Merlin for making sure she was born scared of ghosts. Looking to the roof, I took a few inhales to calm my nerves.

Once I regained my composure, I stopped hiding. Why didn't I just greet myself? That's what I came here to do.. right?

I'm not so sure anymore. But maybe if I followed her, something will click in my mind and I'll make my decision.

And so, we continued on our journey. I replicated her footsteps and assumed which path she's taken. I won't be able to enter the common room without the password anyway. So I might as well wait until she gets back to the portrait and recite it.

The door to the prefect's lavatories shut right when I caught sight of it. Stepping lightly, I tiptoed inside.

Fog lifted and steam dribbled down the mirrors. Splashes of water resounded. Taking each moment there was a lot of noise, I advanced further. My reflection shone through the misty mirror and I saw a distorted version of my baby blue eyes. I frowned and tore my glance away.

"What if you're alive?" I heard.

I froze, not moving a muscle in case she heard. Who's she talking to? I thought she was alone? Now, this is a bit awkward.

"What I saw in the train station wasn't true? An illusion? A trick of the eye? And you're perfectly fine, hiding.."

Oh. My head rest on the outside of the stall. Her voice shook and I could hear her weak syllables. Ripples in the wash were loud enough for me to hear but soft enough for me to strain it.

"Should I stop talking about it? Should I heal? Should I hang out with Sirius when he asks? Or should I just exist?" she continued.

Furrowing my brows, I shifted my head to the entrance. My nails created indents in my palms. The condensation of the hot bath laid atop the uncovered parts of my body. My regret pushed pressure on my chest and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"James isn't that bad of a guy, Cry. I should've listened to you."

Crouching down, I stared at the dirty crevices between the tiles. A sad smile pulling at my mouth. I blinked a few times to stop my eyes from glazing over again.

Why did I do this? Why did I cause this pain?

"If you're listening, love, please just give me a sign that you're okay. Not disturbed, you know?"

'I'm right here. I'm not dead, Lily. I'm alive and right here,' I wished I could say to her.

Something did click in my head. And it's telling me to let her let me go.

I stood and stared at her items. As I exhaled, I went to grab them.

-lana