Shut Up, Padfoot!

54

Sirius

I laughed, running a hand through my hair. Lily scowled and threw her pillow at me. I caught it and let it lay on the mattress next to me.

Lily turned away and tucked her covers over her head. I smiled and fell back on the bed. Curling my fingers around the sheets, I brought it to my face.

Still smells like her.

It has been six months since the day Cry died. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night crying. And sometimes I stare at my hands and remember her blood soaking them.

Even when she said to let her go, I couldn't.

I find myself staying in her dormitory a lot. Or sitting in the broomstick closet and staring at our initials carved in the wall. The whole school reminds me of her.

I hated it at first.

I hated how she wouldn't leave my mind. Everything reeked of Cry. She told me to forget.. so why was it so hard? But as time went by, just like she said, I accepted it. I liked being near her things and I liked remembering her.

Sighing, I turned in the bed. I let my torso hang off the side and I peered under the frame. I glanced around in the dark underbed.

Dust fluttered up and I coughed slightly. I saw a box somewhere near the left. How come I've never seen that before? Granted, I don't look under beds often.

With a grunt, I pulled the box out. I readjusted my position, going more up the bed. My hand collected a lot of the dust when I swiped it off the cover.

Linking a finger from the cover, I pulled it off. Quickly, I registered there was a pile of letters in the box. With care, I took them out and sifted through them.

All of them were addressed to me.

I blinked and tore the opening of one of them. Sliding the letter out, I began reading it.

Dear Padfoot,

   You're so nosy. I knew you'd look through the box without giving me any privacy.

I scoffed at the attitude she already gave me. I was smiling though. Sounds exactly like her.

But I'm guessing you found this because I've passed. No way in hell would I give you this box if I was alive. Over my dead body. Haha, see what I did there? Not funny? Okay...

Just wanted to say that I love you. Would it be selfish of me to ask you to love me forever? Probably. You've got a whole lifetime for you. I hope you find someone else to love.

If it's been a while since my death and you're doing well, I'm proud of you. Please keep healing. Please keep living. Please. I promise I will be waiting for you and I won't be upset that you found love again. Just do anything to make it to another day.

Not all of the letters are this sappy! Most of them though... I love you, Sirius.

Love,
Fawkes

"Goddamnit," I breathed out.

Using my wrist, I wiped at my cheek. Didn't know how much the wound would open again. It feels like she's with me. And maybe that's what she meant when she will always be with me.

No matter how much she tells me to move on and keep finding love again, it's not going to happen. I love her too much for it to happen. Shit, there I go with the present. I meant loved.

I'll never find a love like her again. That love is only once in a lifetime.

"Siri, why you crying?" Lily questioned.

I glanced up at her. She was leaning on her elbows and watching with worried eyes. I smiled at her in my mess of tears.

"Here," I said.

I tossed a letter that was addressed to Lily. She furrowed her brows and reached to get it. After opening it, she read it.

Deciding to read another one, I tore through the envelope.

Dear Sirius,

    Today we pranked Filch! We got in soo much trouble! The detention was worth it though haha. The look on his face was priceless.

We talked a lot about our future in detention though. Can't believe we're going to be fourth years next year! Maybe then you'll finally notice me...

Sirius Black! I like you so so so so much!! I wish I could tell you to your face though. I also wish you could tell me about the beach you went to during the summer again.

You looked so happy when you were talking about. One day we're going together, pinky promise. AHHHHH I LIKE YOU SO MUCH. I hate feelings ew. Imagine having a crush, can't be me.... can be me.. UGH

                         Sincerely,
Cry

I chuckled at the younger Cry's letter. We were so oblivious back then. If only she knew how much I liked her. We would've gotten together much earlier and spent time a lot longer than we had.

"Cry's so annoying!" Lily wailed.

She sniffled and dove back into her covers. The letter held tight to her chest as she cried quietly in her duvet. Honestly, same.

Okay, I'll read one more letter for today. I'll save the buttload for another day. The third letter's envelope was haphazardly put together, didn't even have the adhesive.

Dear Padfoot,

    This is a bit more serious letter. After a while, I had to figure out a way to make sure Tom could never get to my power. The only way he won't be able to is when I die from someone else's hands.

I've been forcing myself to blackout. Don't ask me how because honestly, I don't know either. But when I black out, Tom has no idea what I'm doing. Neither does conscious Cry. If conscious Cry knows, that means Tom knows.

During my blackouts, I devise a plan. I've sent letters, drawn a plan, asked the people that would be willing. In case conscious Cry sees this letter, I can't disclose anymore information.

Ask Pandora.

Love,
Cry

What the hell?

-lana