Shut Up, Padfoot!

103

My thumb ran over my aquamarine ring on my index. Lily played with the ends of my hair, swirling curls over her fingertips. Despite her busy hands, she was deeply invested in her conversation with Peter. He spoke passionately, gesturing widely with sparkling eyes.

I glanced at him, gaze sprinkling over his slightly pulled up sleeves. Resentment of the missing confrontation I intended to have with him stung my gut. I tore my look away from the whitening lines peeking from his shirt. My missing year and a half continues to punish me.

James prodded half his cookie into my hand. When I went to decline, I realized he didn't even look at me in the first place. He simply gave it away whilst conversing with Remus.

Biting back a smile and a sensitive cry, I tore off a piece and threw it into my mouth. I chewed quietly, knees pulled to my chest.

There is so much going on around me. Yet, I can't seem to indulge myself on the details. Two conversations on either side of me and a silent Scorpio in front of me. He ran his hand down his thigh absentmindedly. His other arm propped up on the armrest and thumbnail between teeth.

"Brilliant. My mother told me a bit of those VCR? Dad always told her to knock it off. It really is brilliant that muggles have created moving pictures through those small..." Wormtail babbled.

I finished my cookie, running my tongue over my teeth one more time. Lily nodded, using both hands to showcase a certain measurement for something. I leaned back into the couch.

Right when I did that, Sirius stood from his single. My heart lurched but it seems no one else noticed him. He walked around the coffee table, towards the back of our couch. My head followed his movements, stopping when he came to my seat.

He leaned over the back, head close to mine. I looked up at him. His expression was completely stern. Blinking slowly, I awaited his word.

"Let's go. We have to do something," he ordered.

"Just us?" I asked.

"Mmm, come on."

He turned around before I could struggle off the cushion. I stared distastefully at the divot in the couch where my bum was. I gathered my button up and pulled it over my shoulders. I scrambled after his leaving figure, lightly tripping over Moony's foot. He grunted and snickered a bit before I left.

I had to jog to catch up to Sirius. The boy in question was already out the Portrait and I was beginning to get irritated.

"Padfoot, why are we out here? Did I do something?" I questioned nervously.

He finally looked me in the eyes. His fringe swayed over his eyebrows and he seemed troubled.

"Do you have Muggle Studies or Ancient Runes?"

I planted my heels into the ground and frowned deeply. Is this a joke?

"What?"

"I said—"

"I'm taking Muggle Studies too. Professor Babbling simply cannot make Ancient Runes fun with that voice of hers."

"Quit playing around. It's not funny," I complained.

Trying not to let on the fact that it actually bothered me, I said it lightheartedly. Pranks like these are the worst. The ones that make you feel crazy just irk me so much. I forced a side smile.

"You alright, Cry? I just said follow me," he told.

"No, you didn't. You know I don't like these jokes. They don't even make sense, anyway," I responded.

He fully turned his body towards me. I clenched my fist when I saw what he was wearing. His old robes and navy sneakers welcomed me. I remember those specific shoes... They were the ones that he only wore in fourth. By the end of the year, he had to throw them out because he wore the soles in. But he wasn't even wearing those a minute ago! Was he?

"Haha, right? Did you see the way she got onto Prongs' ass that one time at dinner? Priceless."

"Siri, stop it. I'm not laughing, am I? Stop playing," I warned, on the verge of tears.

"He was really close to getting detention! Oh, hold on, you have something on your face... Got it! I know, he was lucky!"

Gritting my teeth, I closed my eyes in exasperation. Honestly, this is fucked up of him to do. He pulled me out of the common room to play this joke on me? What's the point of bringing up this old conversation, anyways?

Once I opened my eyes again, confusion quickly replaced my apprehension. He wasn't stood in front of me anymore. He wasn't in the hallways at all. I let out a heavy exhale and scanned the corridor.

The castle creaked and I heard the wind outside. The firelight on the candles were still. The Gryffindor wing is completely quiet like it always is every evening.

"Fawkes."

I jumped out of my skin when I felt his grasp on my wrist. My heart thumped erratically in my chest when I saw him again. This time, he didn't hold the grim appearance from earlier. Just genuine curiosity and concern.

My lashes fluttered when I checked his clothing. He wore his usual blue jeans and white shirt. My shoulders slacked and I swallowed hard.

"Hey, Padfoot," I greeted weakly.

"What are you doing out here? You just up and left when James was talking to you," he said.

"Did I?" I wondered.

His brows rose and he blinked a couple times. He spoke again, "Yes...you did. What's wrong?"

There's always something going wrong. Why can't life just be easy? Nothing confusing and psychologically taxing like this. Maybe it's the castle playing tricks on me. Who knows with magic... from a magical creature, I'm saying that I've had enough.

"Nothing. I just wanted some fresh air. I was feeling nostalgic, I think," I answered.

"You sure? You know you can tell me anything," he continued.

"Yeah, I know. Thank you. But really, it's nothing," I repeated.

He nodded, not believing a word I said. He tucked my hair behind my ear; his fingers lingering before he let his arm drop. I'm starting to feel a bit out of place in this life. I don't think I'm meant to be here.

"I love you. I really do," I told.

-lana