My fingers shook. Slowly, I curled my fingers around my wand. A headache clawed at the edges of my mind but I suppressed it.
"Wave your wand in circles and chant the spell as well," the Professor ordered.
With my other hand, I rubbed at my temple. For a while, after my fall from the tower, my body was renewed.
I felt like I could run the fastest, walk the smoothest, and carry myself with confidence. Over the past couple of weeks, it was magical. I felt like I had no worry in the world.
Then only the other day, my body felt like it disintegrated. My burdens weighed at my shoulders and my mood dropped tremendously. I stopped smiling as wide and I remembered the despair I endured before.
It was a heartbreaking realization.
The others noticed too. Much more often, they held me tighter and longer. Ran their hands down my back and through my hair in comfort. They spoke gentler and at times, whispered they loved me when they assumed I was asleep.
Sirius treated me like a doll. His fingers traveled across my skin like I was made of glass. His kisses felt of feathers and his love was silk on bare bodies.
Clearing my throat and running a finger under my lashline, I pointed my wand out. My thumbnail dug into the wood and I breathed out.
Swirling the tip of the wand in the air, I softly spoke, "Expecto Patronum."
Nothing came out. I sighed, a bit frustrated with myself. I've done this for about five times already and it's taking a toll on me already.
"Having trouble there, Fawkes?" James called.
His hand placed on his hip and he settled his weight to one leg. He peered over his glasses and his smile gleamed in the light of other students' patronus.
"A bit, yeah," I replied exasperatedly.
"Been a while since you've conjured one. Think you'll be okay?" Moony asked, joining the conversation.
He leaned over his desk and cocked his head to the side curiously. Running a hand through my hair, I felt my breath speed up.
Sirius walked over and dropped his hand, the one holding his wand, to his side. He chewed quietly on his lemon drop and watched me.
"Your happiest memory- you always forget that step," he reminded.
The information clicked in my head and I almost flushed with embarrassment. He's right, I do keep forgetting that step. The fact that he reminded me about it brought nostalgia though.
From the side, Wormtail laughed at something another classmate said. He rubbed at his eye and departed from them. He walked over and joined the rest of us.
Huffing, I think back on some of my memories I made over my lifetime. There's been a lot. But I never remember my happiest moment until the power leaves my body and out through the wand. Then it vanishes right afterward as the marvel of my patronus comes forth.
Relaxing my body and loosening the hold on my wand, I reminisce.
This time, I wave the wand again in an imaginary circle and...
the memory of Padfoot and I resurfaces.
Remembrance of our backs together and sitting in the courtyard. Our heads to the summer sky of fourth year.
The way my head fell back on his shoulder and he supported my weight as he planted his feet into the grass. I remember laying my back atop his spine and breathing in the clean air.
Our quiet breaths in the afternoon soothed me. His eyes stared across the horizon and at the trees rustling in the wind. My gaze laid skyward and to the clouds that closed in on the sun.
This was when nothing went wrong. When we became animagi and the train station in my mind still awaited my initial appearance. I still had yet to be with him in the way I wanted. But, everything was normal.
He whispered, "Fawkes."
In that moment, I questioned him with a little "Hm?"
"That should be your nickname," he explained.
"Mm," I hummed in response.
"If you want," he quickly added.
"Since you made it, I'll keep it."
Suddenly, an enormous light shot from my wand.
I jumped at the startle since I never uttered the words, but out came my patronus.
My gorgeous patronus.
The phoenix fluttered in the air. The dazzling tail flowed as she flew around the room.
Her overwhelming light sent love to my heart. The white replicated the horrors of my mind but this time, it made me hopeful. This phoenix is the innermost essence of me. She would never change despite the darkness that flows through me. And I forget how stunning she is.
"Truly beautiful," Padfoot muttered.
Students watched my patronus fly in circles. Their attention starstruck as they watched her fly to the middle atmosphere of the classroom.
This is the moment where it becomes bitter.
My phoenix lets out one more powerful flutter. Then, she closes in on herself, wrapping herself in her wings.
Before she could drop... she fades.
The light sparkles to the floor and her body deteriorates.
Her body becomes shining ashes then she's gone.
The brightness of the room lowers now that she has withered and the students continue on with their own practice.
Chuckling sadly to myself, I took my seat once more. Gently, I placed my wand back on the desk and let my eyes wander around the midst of children.
"Always leaves on a sad note, what a buzzkill," I teased, trying to cover my disappointment.
Sirius stood to my left. His side pressed into my shoulder and he ran his hand down my hair in comfort. Always a silent lover.
"So pretty, though. And you know what they say about the pretty ones," Wormtail said in hopes of lifting the mood.
"Big dick-" I began.
"Even prettier heart," Moony interrupted.
"No, I think they say big di-" I began again.
"Stunning personality," Prongs intervened.
"Nah, they say big dick," Padfoot corrected.
The other Marauders stared at him in disgust. I giggled, my mood a bit better now.
-lana
so i wanted to make a happier chapter so heres a filler for you guys 🥺
YOU ARE READING
Shut Up, Padfoot!
Fanfiction"Cry! Take that whip cream out of your mouth this instant!" The loud and fake obnoxious voice echoes across the Gryffindor table. The intended girl, Cry, laughs and yells back, "Shut up, Padfoot!" - She frowned. Her dress dampened with water and her...
