Tax Principles (Law of Attraction Series # 3)

Chapter 57

"H-how do you f-feel s-seeing h-him a-again?" Why is he shuttering?

Parang biglang bumigat ang paligid bagsak balikat akong huminga ng malalim, parang biglang hindi naging maganda ang ikot ng hangin sa loob ng kwarto, tinitigan niya ako.

I avoided his gaze and stand up, "Hindi sinasadyang nagkita kami sa isang fastfood, nangamusta lang siya," I said and grab the paper on the side table and fix it, trying to make it as an excuse to his weak states.

"You eat together," mahina niyang tanong at nanatiling nakatayo sa kanyang pwesto, I took a glance on him but resume fixing the papers.

"He's just in a vacation and we accidently see each other at the mall and that it," nakaramdam ako ng bigat sa aking dibdib habang sinasabi iyon at natatanaw ang tingin ni Cadmus sa akin.

Biglang nagbago ang kanyang timpla, kung kanina ay parang may nais siyang malaman pero ngayon parang bigla siyang nanlumo.

"Did he know you're with me?" he asked. "Oo, sinabi ko at alam niya naman," sana hindi na ito humaba ayaw ko ng away. Gusto ko lang matulog at bukas na ito isipin lahat.

"What did he say?" patuloy niyang tanong.

I glance at him once again, "Wala nangamusta lang," pagsisinungaling ko, ayaw kong malaman niya, ayaw kong masaktan siya.

"You're lying," he seriously said, I stiffed and looked at him.

"You're not telling the truth again Alliana," he said disappointedly, "Tell me the truth, what did he say?" when I look into his eyes, I was like hypnotized and instantly tell the truth.

"He said he want me back," tumalikod ako muli at inayos ng paulit-ulit ang papel dito sa side table.

"What did you answer him?"

"W-wala, Alam n-niyang may boyfriend ako at ikaw yon, she just said that, that's all" nanlalamiga nga aking kamay.

"Do you want to go back to him?" natigilan ako sa tinanong niya, ano bang sinasabi niya.

I didn't answer, because I don't know what to say, why would I want to go back to him? After what he did to me?

That's insane...

"Alliana look at me," He deeply said as he stood right by my side, but I chose to avoid his gaze and keep focusing on what I'm doing.

Ramdam ko ang bigat ng paligid, kasabay ng presensya niya sa aking tabi, kung pano niya ako titigan gamit ang mga matang iyon. Hindi ko magawang sumuko at tignan iyon ngayon.

"Alliana I said look at me," again he repeats and tries to ask me to face him. But I didn't move, not now.

Naramdaman ko ang kanyang pagbuntong hininga saking tabi, dahil tumama ito saking balat. "How do you feel right now?" He weakly asks as he reach for my hands and gently lift it up and give a kiss on my palm, and make it touch his face.

This time I glance at him and see fear on those strong eyes, puno ng takot ang kanyang mga mata niya ngayon hindi kagaya ng kanina. Hindi ko magawang tignan ito ng matagal dahil pakiramdam ko nanghihina ako pagnakikita ko ang mga matang iyon at emosyon na iyon.

He closes his eyes as he rubs my hands on his face and feels my palm on those handsome face. His expression shows so much fear and sadness.

"Tell me do you still love him?" He asks as he opens his eyes, and meets my gaze.

Suddenly my chest feels so heavy and my head aches. "I don't" after saying that once again I avoided his gaze, dahil alam kong masasaktan din ako pagnagpatuloy ako sa pagtitig sa mga matang iyon. Ayaw kong saktan siya dahil nasasaktan na din ako.

He reached for my face by letting go of my hand and held my face using both of his hands instead. He made me face him and look at those unbearable emotions of him.

I don't want to stare at it for so long, I don't! I can't.

"Do you still love him?" He asks, I automatically avoid his stare and look around as I answer. "No, I don't," I heard him sigh and catch my eyes by standing at the view I was looking for.

"Look at me in the eyes and tell me, do you still love that man?" bakit iba ang tono ng boses niya ngayon? Bakit pakiramdam ko may mangyayaring masama?

Bakit ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko at sumisikip lalo ang aking dibdib, bakit nahihirapan nanaman akong huminga?

"Tell me Ali, please," He gently whispered and looked at me in the eyes, like he was reading my soul.

I gather all my strength before I answer...

"No, I don't love him anymore" I said, pero bakit kinakabahan ako? Hinintay ko ang magiging reaksyon niya ngunit unti-unti niya lamang binitawan ang aking mukha at iisang luha ang tumulo mula sa kanyang mga mata.

What's this?

He smiled bitterly and avoided my gaze this time, "I knew it" he whispers and bites his lips so hard, what did he know?

"You still love him," He said and looked at me with his tears falling from those eyes. W-what? Teka hindi ganon iyon..

"I already said no," I said and frowned at him, and confusedly waited for him to speak again.

"No, you still love him Alliana, your eyes never lie to me" as he says those words his voice cracked. Anong ibig niyang sabihin? sinagot ko na siya bakit pilit niyang sinasabi na hindi?

"No, I don't love hi-------," he cut me out by standing straight in front of me, wipe his tears, and flashes a fake smile in front of me. Hindi ko alam ang aking gagawin, at lalo na ang susunod niyang sasabihin bakit ako nakakaramdam ng pagkalito sa oras na ito.

"Let's stop fooling ourselves, let's stop this," He bitterly said as he tries to hide his cracked voice behind his fake laugh.

"What do you mean?" My heart started pounding so fast, and It's hard to breathe even more.

"I'll let us go, I'll let you go" He whispered and turned his back on me, suddenly turning his back on me almost killed me so I stopped him and hugged his back. "No, I don't love him anymore, don't do this," I said and tears started to escape from my eyes. Bakit siya nagkakaganito?

"No Alliana, I need to lose you to find me, let's stop trapping ourselves in this relationship when we clearly know that this wasn't really in the first place" he tries to remove my hands from his waist.

"Wasn't real?" I utter.

"Yes, there is no love, because you never love me from the start." he wins and finally removes my arms around him and walks away from me.

"I was the only one, who considered this relationship as love... but you?" he stops.

"You never love me Alliana."