In Another Life

Chapter 55

The weeks seemed to pass by one after another.

Nothing outside of Kaneki seemed to matter to Levi or I anymore. We were just empty. A hallow shell. I knew he was trying his best to fix it, to fix us. But losing a child took its toll on him as well.

He looked at war within himself once again. Almost dead inside. Completely emotionless in the face. I hadn't found much time in the past week or two to actually get a good look at myself.

I assumed I looked rougher then ever. Neither of us had gotten much rest since the entire affair. Even less for Levi's sake. He was barley running off of fumes.

But somehow we always managed to put on a show around Kaneki. We never told him about the pregnancy to begin with. So it was just easier to keep the reason why Hange and all the cadets looked at his mother and father with worry eyes a secret. Playing it off with whatever either of us were able to come up with on the spot when cornered by a cadet.

We didn't know how to tell everyone, not that we needed to. The sight of Levi racing me through the halls as I bled all over the both of us was it's answer in itself.

Besides I think all the cadets got the hint after a poor cadet asked me how the pregnancy was going resulting in me immediately crumbling to my knees sobbing in front of the entire Mess Hall. Levi had knocked the cadet unconscious with one hit. Leaving him asleep on the ground. People knew the topic was still very raw to the both of us.

Unknowingly I had built a wall between the two of us. It wasn't intentionally. It just sort of happened. The loss of a child is a unbearable pain. No one can understand until it's happened to them.

I hated myself for it but every time Levi tried to get close or hold me I could help but to panic and shy away. I honestly didn't know how to be with him quite yet. But I was determined to change that.

What.... what if he was angry with me or blamed me. Ultimately there were steps I could have taken during the pregnancy to possibly change that outcome? What if he hated me.

It seemed just as hard for him to feel my touch as it was for me to feel his. It was a unknown feeling to the both of us and neither one of us knew how to fix it.
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The feeling of Levis warm palm running up the back of my bare inner thigh pulls me from my sleep almost instantly.

I groan out and burying my face further into the feathered pillow as his fingers dig deep into the soft flesh under my ass.

"You have to get up Y/N. I've let you rest long enough. You need to shower and make yourself presentable. Both of us were called to Hanges office. She's going to be assigning us the new cadets that will be filling the holes in our squads." He leans forward bringing his lips to my ear. Stopping himself just as they were about to latch on.

My body locked up almost uncontrollably as I awaited his touch. Itching my thighs further apart in the process pulling my panties slightly to the side granting him a clearer view. Still anticipating his touch but it never came.

I could feel his grip loosen around my upper thigh. Dragging it almost agonizingly slow up and in between my thighs. All the way to my already wet core before his thumb pressed lightly into my bud.

So desperate for his touch my hips rock back into his hand without my consent. The wetness that had already started to drip for me only heightened the skin on skin contact. I could tell it had the same affect on him.