Unchartered Waters ✅

Chapter 5: The Face-Off

Chase Elliott's POV

Saturday, March 27 – Bristol Motor Speedway

Looking around, I could only shake my head as the rain drops continued to fall. It was almost fitting, considering the conversation that I knew needed to be had today. I should have discussed with it with Ryan sooner, but I found every excuse to do so since Alex dropped all that on my shoulders.

What if my life was falling apart, again?

Taking a deep breath, though, avoiding forever was not going to ease the anxiety caressing through me, or potential anger and sadness to come. If anything, it may offer relief in hearing the news that I want to hear.

It was why I allowed my fingers to touch the keypad, typing in the familiar numbers I had grown used to typing in through the past couple years. It was simple – if we wanted to see each other, we would head to each other's motorhome, allowing ourselves in as it was just like home.

Though as I walked inside today, finding him on the couch on his phone as usual, it felt like I was walking into a foreign world.

"Hey," he says without taking his eyes off the device, leaving me to ask one question – was he texting her now? Is that why he hadn't made his way over to see me before I came over? "I was hoping you'd come ove-"

"We need to talk, Ryan," I say, allowing it to spill out than originally intended. It was like my heart was ready to pour everything out, tears threatening to fall, expecting every thought that entered my mind a week ago to be true right about now.

"I knew this discussion was coming. Alex told me he told you – which I don't blame him, to be honest." I didn't blame Alex at all – instead, I wanted to thank him. It'd been a month since the discussion, but yet Ryan hadn't said anything. I had to wonder if that would've remained the case without Alex's influence. What if nothing would've came to light?

"Then why didn't you say something sooner?" If you are going to make someone suffer, you might as well stick the blade in. instead, it felt like he was pushing it piece by piece with each distance week and twisting it along the way.

"I didn't think it was a big deal, to be honest. I mean, that was just a casual conversation between myself and Isabelle after Daytona. I'll be honest – I've had those feelings for her for awhile now," as I expected – recall the comment to Alex about the eyes. Why had I allowed him to play me like a fool? "I knew I couldn't move forward without telling her. She's giving up a lot to do this for us, so I feel the best thing we can do is offer full honesty in return. That's all I was doing for her."

"What else has happened since then, Ryan?" It wasn't a question of if – but what – in my mind. If nothing had happened, why had he been distant and not totally open like he normally was with me?

"We shared a kiss – nothing more, nothing less. A single kiss." I knew it was going to sting and damn, knowing those lips had touched another set was like being shot in the chest. I know it's just a kiss – nothing sacred and could've been worse, but it's something. Betrayal and cheating are the same no matter how far you go.

"Then why the distance since then, Ryan?" There were so many theories and questions that flooded through my mind – and they all brought tears to my eyes in fear that I was losing my best friend, closest confident, and special secret.

"I felt terrible after I kissed her. I felt terrible that I could even think about someone the same way that I think about us. I didn't know how I could face you in knowing that I'd gone behind your back..." Everything he said matched why the tears were threatening to stream down my cheeks, and why a simple kiss felt like the end of the world. At least he understood the pain that I was feeling.

"Distance makes it worse. It makes me wonder what else is goin-"

"I love you, Clyde. I would do anything for you...."

Desperation was laced in those words as he pleaded to my heart right now, hopeful that I'd scuff this under a rug and forget about it. Okay, maybe not that, but perhaps forgiveness for thinking otherwise.

But the lack of honesty and signs I had seen previously left me with more questions than answers on the future. Could I go forward like nothing happened? Could I truly believe nothing happened? Could I fully allow my heart to go to a man who would do this? Could I trust that the future wouldn't be a repeat?

What about Isabella's deal, and how would that remain or change moving forward?

"I am absolutely sick to my stomach over this," his words snap me out of my thoughts, finally hearing a hint of true guilt and emotions, rather than typical words you'd expect. Maybe he was truly sorry and deserved a benefit of doubt. "Like, I don't even know how to digest it."

"How do you think I feel?" I question, almost dropping my guard totally like I'd normally do with him and let him know everything going through my mind right now. Instead, though, I found myself guarded, wondering if he was trust worthy enough.

"I know, and you have to believe me when I say that I am sorry, I still love you, and want us to work. I never ever meant to hurt you, Chase..." He may not have meant it, but the sleepless nights and the tears behind my eyes in knowing something happened said otherwise. "Just tell me what I need to do."

"I don't know, man. I don't know..." IF there was a phrase he could say, I wish I could think of it as I hated this pain. It made the misery of knowing we would not get on track today because of the weather even worse to handle. "I need to go-"

"Please, don't leave. Stay. Keep me company. We can talk this ou-"

"No, there's nothing you can say," because I knew I needed space. I needed time to distance myself from him and think about every question through my mind clearly. I had allowed my emotions previously to be taken advantage of, thinking in the moment and allowing the person to manipulate them to their advantage. I wasn't about to go down that road again. "I need time, okay?"

"Time for what?" Damn it, Ryan! You know better than anyone what happened and yet you can't damn well understand?!?

"Now that I've heard the reasons from you, I just need time to process it, think about it – and wheth-"

"It was just a kiss, nothing more or less. You mean everything to me, Chase." I had heard similar lines before from Kaitlyn, and we know how that went. Why was he doing this to me?

"You mean more than you probably understand to me, too, but I need time. I can't do this, again..."

I didn't allow him to say anything – or do anything, as my feet turned around immediately and went out the exit, closing the door behind me. By the time I got to my own motorcoach, I couldn't tell when I glanced in the mirror if my face was more wet from the rain, or from the tears that had fallen.

How could this be happening?