Unchartered Waters ✅

Chapter 14: The Much-Needed Conversation

Chase's POV

Friday, April 23 – Dawsonville, Georgia

I was expecting the visit. He had texted me before heading down that he wanted to have this conversation, finally. Though I was expecting it sooner. I was expecting it since Monday when my dad explained his discussion with Ryan and Alex. I was also expecting it sooner than that, after the initial kiss, after the initial conversation in the diner.

So why was my stomach flip flopping over this discussion?

I remembered when he arrived, knocking on the door. I knew it was him, with nobody else having plans of visiting and visitors not really coming unless announced. I let him, knowing what was coming anyway. It was why we both landed on the couch together, facing each other, drinks in hand.

Here goes nothing....

"Considering Isabelle was sacrificing a lot, I wanted to be honest with her from the beginning – completely," he tells me, which I didn't argue against it. I knew her sacrifice as she couldn't go have a true relationship of her own if she was in our agreement in the public eye. It was why I ensured she was really on-board, and sweetened the pot a little. Clearly, that pot was already sweet enough. "It's why I felt it was necessary to tell her that I had feelings for her, so she knew exactly where I stood. I was going to share with you, but things got murky before that could happen."

"They only got murky because you haven't been totally honest – until now," I finally admitted, which was why it was making everything as hard as it was. Just like my dad said – anybody could say this, but I needed Ryan to say it to make it real.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I think I had my doubts because of the past, because of everything. I wondered what questions you'd ask, and what'd you say." I loved the excuses that he was trying to offer for his silence, or why he hadn't done anything until now. Meanwhile, I knew the final push as to why he was here, finally.

"I think that'd cause someone to be honest sooner, knowing there was some trusting issues there from my past...." Wouldn't you want to erase my theories in being played again?

"Those doubts only got bigger a couple nights later when she came over – scheduled visit as you know we talked about. However, there was more conversation about the feelings to which she had some of her own. That conversation led to a kiss. I stopped immediately, shocked myself it happe-"

"I am not. I could see the looks between you both from the first day. It's why I actually accepted her," and ultimately brought on this mess myself. What was I was thinking?

"We agreed to create distance, figure out what we were going to do about everything. We didn't want to move forward until we both knew what we wanted. Unfortunately, that all changed with the win..." Ah yes, celebratory and things getting more crazier than you intended.

"What happened?" I bit my tongue afterwards, feeling the butterflies grow in not wanting to hear the next words out of his mouth.

"I invited her over, for celebratory drinks and discussion. However, one thing led to another with those feelings come out and we slept together that night." Am I surprised? Nope, as I felt there was more to the story when he told me about just the kiss initially. How did I feel? So many feelings. "To be honest, it felt great to get that out in the open and do everything. It feels great to remove this dens-"

"Stop, please...." I couldn't bear to hear anymore as the tears were already streaming down my cheeks. It was one thing to betray me, but it was another to say it was a great feeling. Sure, you got your feelings out and did this – but at any point, did he think about how I felt?

"We both know that we're bi." Where was he going with this?

"Isn't that obvious?" If it wasn't, then clearly we don't know each other's history.

"I thought in our original agreement we said that things could happen." It was like being upset and disgusted turned immediately into anger. Forget feelings, forget the discussions about how hard it was to be vulnerable, what it felt like to be played – but instead, now I was just like another piece of paper in a file.

"Oh, so now you're treating this as a contract?" I couldn't help but dish it back at this point. I deserved that, didn't I?

"We had an agreement...." I was just about ready to throw his ass out the door now.

"I think you're just trying to have your cake and eat it, too." Let's face it – he wants to justify what he did, so that way he can keep us both in his life. Unfortunately, things changed a while ago that won't allow that to happen. It was why we took it a step further, and decided to go about the plan we did.

"What are you trying to say, Chase?" He clearly is blind to the truth.

"When we got together initially, you are correct – everything was an open book, because we were both exploring what we meant to other people, and ourselves. We were both trying to figure just how far we wanted to go, and if this was what we wanted. We didn't want to close the book until we knew where we wan-"

"I don't remember the book closing." Do I need to smack him upside the head for him to remember the conversation? I was supposed to be upset, disgusted about him having slept with someone else – and instead I was a ball of fury for him just throwing my feelings away in trade of a contract.

"The book closed when we both agreed that we were going to make this work, do whatever it took to be together, and solely be together. It closed when I told you that I was fully committed to you, and you alone, and not looking for anyone else to be in my arms or my life. It closed when we spent the entire quarantine together between our houses, going behind the rules of people supposed to be close to each other. It closed when I bared every damn feeling to you – just for you to say screw you right now as if that discussion never happened. That's why we agreed to have Isabelle cover, so we could do this. I thought it was all clear when you told me you felt the same way in that moment." Instead, he had totally forgotten about the conversation, and turned at the first opportunity before him to do so.

"I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to do thi-"

"But you did, Ryan. You kissed her. You slept with her. Then you didn't have the decency to come see me until my father and Alex backed you into a corner. That's what hurts more." If maybe he was honest, we could've talked it out, figured out something together. Now? I don't know if even a friendship is possible with how far he took this.

"So are you saying that all those years of friendship, and those years together are thrown away?" Wasn't it clear by ignoring my feelings? Wasn't it clear when he compared my feelings to a contract? Wasn't it clear by the tears falling down my cheeks?

"You did that all yourself when you let her fall onto your dick."