Unchartered Waters ✅

Chapter 70: Not Guilty

Alex's POV

Tuesday, December 28 – Dawsonville, Georgia

The whole day felt like a total blur. It was almost like a dream – scratch that, a total nightmare. It was something that you'd never damn well expect to happen.

Jury deliberations normally take awhile, but this jury returned back to the court room the very next day with a verdict in hand. You'd think that'd be good news, but we heard the words that truthfully nobody could believe.

Not guilty. Kaitlyn had simply gotten away with everything – rape for that matter.

The district attorney suggested getting a restraining order, but I've always been told that's just a piece of paper so make sure you have your measures in place.

However, I couldn't bear to even think about that right now. The simple fact that she was found not guilty, able to live her life freely as if nothing happened, easily got away with what she had accomplished.

It was why I made my way back to his house that night, making the decision to stay over rather than head home and continue final preparations for the Chili Bowl. He was all that mattered, and I wanted to make sure that he was comforted after hearing those words.

It felt very weird and strange, but Ryan also made the trip back to his house, too. It felt so strange to be sitting here all cuddled up together – Chase in the middle, with me on one side and his ex on the other side. This was the person that brought us together, the person that ripped his heart apart, the person he slept with the other night behind my back, but yet here we all were comforting as if nothing happened.

"Do you want anything?" I break the awkward silence that had fallen over the group. Frankly, there wasn't much that we could talk about together, and any idea that I had just felt awkward in remembering how we were all connected together.

"No, I am good," he replies, which I almost wanted to curse. Having a chance to leave the room and get my composure for a minute may have warranted. Then again, I wasn't sure if I could be comfortable leaving those two alone, either.

"Are you going to be okay?" Ryan asks, which was obviously the big question that we both had. I'd never been in his shoes. I didn't know what to feel or say.

"I think so. It just feels weird, still." The glance away in his eyes immediately told me there was more there, perhaps that he didn't want to say with Ryan here. After all, we had a more personal relationship where feelings came out more than anything.

"I'm – we're both here to talk about it," I offer back in response. Let's face it – I wanted to take the spotlight, be the sole one to take care of him, but I couldn't be selfish right now. I had to put all those feelings and awkward worries aside, and remember that he came first. He was the one that attacked, he was the one that experienced that, and he deserved what we had to offer.

"Some days I feel like I'm powerless for allowing her to do it – and don't say anything because I know what you're going to say," he comments, which quiets my rebuttal immediately. At least he was remembering those words now. "Some days I feel ashamed, disgusted in knowing that she was able to put me right where she wanted, and have total control over me like nothing. Then there are days that I am angry that I even trusted her, and continued to trust her after she hurt me time and time again. Fuck – each day just feels different, but I know with each day it gets easier. I also know that I have the best two friends to make sure that it's okay. With both of you here, my world is perfect."

"As I keep telling you Chase, I'm not going anywhere. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to care and help you." I meant those words no matter how many times I repeated them because they were right from the heart, and not changing no matter what.

"I feel terrible for what I've done – to both of you, but I want to be here for you, too," Ryan adds, and I felt my heart crack a little. He recognized the other night hurt me, too. My feelings actually mattered in what they did together. Perhaps he wasn't so bad after all.

"So it isn't wrong that I love you both?" He questions, and I felt a lump form in my throat. I loved him with everything that I had. I wanted to have a future together, do many things together, experience everything together. I wanted it all, and sharing didn't seem to appeal to that side of me.

"Do you really mea-" Ryan, if you know this man between us, you know he doesn't fucking play games. Why are you even asking that right now?

"Don't get me wrong – it's different with each of you. Alex, you hit a special core spot with me that I didn't even know existed. The feelings go much deeper than I could imagine, the emotions that we share back and forth, and how open we can be that way. Then the sex on top of that – it takes it to a whole new level. I don't want to lose that, because it means everything to me." Deep breathes, deep breathes, there's the assurance your weak heart needed boy. There's nothing to worry about. I just need to remind myself of that. "But Ryan, you're my best friend. I love hanging out with you. I love the things that we do together. I love the fun experiences that we seem to get out of each other. I don't want to lose that."

"I'm willing to be okay with it both ways." Let's face it – of course Ryan would be okay with this. It's more than I probably ever expected that he'd deserve when things initially went down. Heck, I wanted to kick his damn ass and never see him again after he hurt Chase. Though I also couldn't argue to push him away right now, because I could see in Chase's eyes just how much this mattered, the same thing that was there the other night.

"I may have wanted to kick your ass, but I am willing to allow this – for Chase's sake," I comment, because that was the truth. If it was up to me and me alone, he'd be still laid flat on his ass for what he did. As I keep saying, it's one thing to cheat, but another to lie for months about what happened. I wanted him to know that I could change the way and make sure he paid if things slipped at all moving forward.

"What about Isabelle?" Chase questions, which of course she was a part of this mess. She was the reason this whole thing got messy in the beginning. Frankly, I wanted to say thank you to her as she allowed my true feelings for Chase to show and blossom. I don't know if we could've wound up here without what happened.

"She knows how much I care about you, and respects that," Ryan confesses, which I suppose was progress. Actually, she probably understood as she was involved in this mess from the very beginning without me. Obviously she had to know feelings didn't just disappear or be replaced. "I told her about that other night, and she understood. She says it's something to get used to, but she's willing because of what we have together."

"It feels so perfect to be both your dirty secrets." I couldn't help but chuckle at that as who would've guessed that I'd sleep with my own damn teammate. That'd certainly be an interesting board room conversation at Hendrick if they all found out. "For now, for tonight, I need you both to promise me one thing. Don't leave me, please. I need you both to get through this."

"I've got your back." That was sweet, but I knew how to do that one better.

"Don't worry – I didn't plan on leaving you hanging, no matter what." I then lean in, place a light kiss on his lips as I cuddle up against him nice and close. This was certainly the best spot to be laying and I didn't plan on moving for any reason.