Unchartered Waters ✅

Chapter 35: Reminders of the Past

Chase's POV

Saturday, November 6 – Phoenix Raceway

A glance at the scoreboard, and a smile crept across the face.

I would be the first person to tell you that qualifying doesn't matter. I would be the first person to tell you how the whole distance of the event matters, and how you can adjust from start to finish. I did say that on Thursday, remember? I also proved that last year when I drove my ass to the front of the field from the back.

However, it's much easier to battle as hard as we'll probably if you're starting up front, closer to where you need to be. You don't need to use up your stuff getting to that point, and you can work your adjustments to what you needed over the course of a run.

Seeing the No. 9 ranked second on the scoreboard, there was no complaints from me. Sure, I would have rather beat Kyle for the pole, but I have all-day tomorrow to handle that task.

"Great work on the car," I tell Alan as we share a quick fist pump following the session. "Let's just keep doing what you're doing."

"Focus on what makes us fast, and the rest will take care of itself," he replies back to which I had to smile. He had taken everything that I said in an hour on Thursday to the media and wrapped up in a matter of seconds.

I understand the media blitz and focus, but having already sat and answered an hour of questions on Thursday, followed by a couple on Friday, and then some before qualifying, I scratched my head at the need to head to the media center for yet another round of answering questions.

Considering we qualified second, it was probably going to be the stereotypical answers on how you have a positive outlook, and we're just keeping our head down.

"Chase!" I hear, catching my attention immediately.

Normally, I would ignore voices because it's usually just a fan yelling for me and I honestly didn't have time right now, as much I would probably prefer to see them instead. However, I knew that voice very well.

"Nice job," Ryan says as he catches up with me, offering a fist pump, to which I quickly offer him one back in return. "I better see your ass up there ahead of them tomorrow, though."

"That's the goal," I remind him, though truly believed that we could accomplish that. When this team focuses on a single goal at a track we're good at, we're not an easy group to beat.

"Hopefully I can join the victory party with you." I freeze as the words drop from him.

He may have said them quickly, but it felt they were coming out a minute apart each as time felt like it had stopped still. My first thought upon hearing those words was the fun that came afterwards. We shared the hug in victory lane, and then enjoyed a greeting of our own after all the blitz with everybody else. Truthfully, that whole week was a blur between celebrating with the team, the parade, more drinks with the team, and then time spent with Ryan.

"I am going to invited, right?" He snaps me out of my thoughts, as I honestly found myself stuck on what to say in return.

Sure, I had told him that I was willing to let it go and remain friends – with an understanding that trust was severely lost between us in the process. However, every time I allowed him to be a part of an aspect in my life, it felt like I was allowing a potential for that door to open again.

Now, don't get me wrong - I loved Alex, I enjoyed what we had together, and I wanted to see where this went moving forward. I was still ashamed for avoiding him for as long as I did. However, there were times that I found myself reflecting on what was with Ryan considering we were together for quite a while.

"Of course," I answer him, not wanting to say otherwise and create an argument right now. I had other stuff to focus on, right?

"And Chase, let me be the first to say this – I hope you're doing okay despite everything," he starts. "I never meant to hurt you. It still kills me that I did that to you."

I watch him walk away as I take a series of deep breathes. So much for focusing on other stuff and allowing my mind to not wander, because now I found myself contemplating everything.

Did he really mean the apology, or was he just saying that to twist my arm? Could I ever fully allow myself to forgive him? Could I ever truly let go what we had together? What if these constant interactions caused me to let my guard down?

Taking a deep breath, again, I knew that last question would never happen. I was moving on. I was not allowing myself to face those pains again, or have any reminders of that. I was allowing myself to be happy with someone else, and fully open up to them as I should have a long time ago.

While Ryan has been in my life a long time and we have – or had – a really friendship together that went deep, I will fully admit that at times the feelings I had for him compare nothing to what I have for Alex right now.