Unchartered Waters ✅

Chapter 18: The Initial Feelings

Alex's POV

Sunday, May 9 – Darlington Raceway

It'd been a long day. Any day at Darlington Raceway was a long day, but this package just seemed to make it even more longer than normal. It also doesn't help when you don't have a car you feel you can do anything with to be remotely competitive, and it breaks your heart due to the special meaning of the wrap on the car.

It's why we were both looking for some relaxation, something to put our minds on a different path. It's why instead of immediately jetting back home, the pair of us found ourselves sitting in my motorcoach, trading conversation. Nothing serious, just notes on the day and ways to be better.

Probably more than anything, it was nice to just enjoy his company without worry of something else going on.

"Alex, can I tell you something?" He breaks the trend of conversation, causing a lump to form in my throat immediately. So much for that nice relaxation without extra worries of stuff going on. Why couldn't things stay simple with us?

"Go on," I instruct, because I wasn't about to not allow him to get those feelings on the table. That was something we never did in this friendship.

"I remember a night when I was in the shop. You and Greg were working on something. I saw you – leaning over the car, getting your hands dirty, and I couldn't help but stop and stare."

I take a deep breath as his words sounded so familiar. It only happened a couple times a year, but I loved to get my hands dirty with my racecar. I knew it was frowned upon in this business, but there was nothing like working on your racecar and doing the work yourself.

Greg understood me. He was a car guy just like me. He came up racing his own equipment, working on it to get better. He understood where I was coming from, and the odd night where others weren't around, it just seemed we'd connect and work together.

I guess that night we just weren't alone as I thought. I even began to wonder what he was doing there so late. What time did he end up staying behind?

"I was mesmerized by your work ethic. I was mesmerized by how you got your hands dirty. Every feature just caught my eye – actually, somewhat happened the first day I laid eyes on you. I couldn't look away from those eyes, or your lips, wondering what they tasted like. I began to wonder..."

My breathe was caught in my throat as I allowed each of his words to hit one by one, knowing the same feeling all too well. It was why I found myself watching him more so than any of my other teammates, or any other man in my life. It was why I found myself staring at his face, feeling so uncomfortable in wondering what those lips tasted like in return.

To hear that all began the first day we met was on one hand reassuring as the butterflies began early for me, but also even more dying curious.

"Now I realize, I don't need to wonder anymore. Some things happen for a reason. I think I felt obligated to Ryan before. Now, I'm free to explore – feelings, life, everything. Perhaps these feelings for you."

Just like the other night, my body longed for his touch, for those questions to be answered – no matter how much I couldn't describe the feeling to any person alive.

But damn it Alex, you have to bring yourself back to reality. Remember what has been going on this year. Remember what brought you both together. Remember it wasn't long ago the truth came out. What if there was more to his words here?

"Chase, can I ask you something?" I force myself to ask in return, ignoring the urges and heart right now. You can damn well care without reaching for him, Alex.