I Loathe You. I Love You Too.

Chapter Twenty-Five : speaking out of anger

Chapter Twenty-Five : speaking out of anger

Parker

It had to be her, of fucking course it was Paige, Mateo found so damn attractive. Fucking hell, and she had to think he was cute back to the point she's questioning how long we should do this for. If I didn't ask her to do it she wouldn't have. I'm fucking furious with the fact that the only person right now trying to make this relationship work is me. Haylee told me that she was dating someone new and I didn't fucking give to shits because the girl in my mind is daydreaming about golden boy next to me. She tried to talk me into taking her home on my way to my car and I shot her down mostly because I'm falling for her and she's not and that shit hurts. But I'd never admit that to anyone else. I thought for a second though that she was feeling the same way but I guess she's not. Maybe she did still hate me even with everything we've put each other through. She just tolerates me.

I started my truck and ducked once I saw Mateo talking to Paige outside the high school. I saw the smile on her face the way she pushed her hair behind her ear, but Mateos face expression is a little more serious and then her smile fades. She was nodding like she was agreeing with what he was saying.

I hesitated about leaving, thinking about just taking Paige home before leaving as they continued to talk and I saw Paige look up at me as I left the parking lot. I know that I shouldn't get jealous of her and him, I shouldn't be an asshole right now to her. She's done more than enough for me but I'm the idiot who caught feelings. I needed to distance myself and just focus on the damn goal we both had.

I shuffled a Spotify playlist to find that it was the playlist that Haylee made for us but I had already set it back down. All the songs we listened to together when we had a moment and suddenly those feelings flooded back. I stumbled to grab my phone but it fell on the ground and continued to play which was making things worse for me. No Paige means I make stupid irrational decisions and not think for a damn second. Paige is the one person to get me to be on the right track if she's around and watching and when she isn't I get stupid. I turned on my radio to silence my phone but I kept thinking back to her. Haylee, before she started to cheat on me, before her parents divorce. Before life went to shit.

I remember driving six hours with her just to go to Chicago to do touristy things together. We went on summer vacation to California together and that was my first time ever on a plane. She knew that holding my hand made me calm. Haylee knew and saw parts of me Paige has never seen.

My mind was so focused on her that I didn't notice being parked outside her house and I was tempted to knock on her door. How easy it would be, I picked up my phone and called Paige knowing she'd answer but I told myself if she didn't I'd let myself have this moment, to be reckless.

Paige's phone call went straight to voicemail which made me start to wonder if she was with Mateo. If he got her after all. I started to unbuckle my seatbelt but my phone began to buzz and I thought it was Paige but found that it was Malcolm.

I answered wondering what was going on. He hasn't been at school much since the incident. He's doing online right now which I find hard to believe. He's been in and out of school either suspended or if his parents are trying to get him back on track.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I wanna talk. I think it's time to talk. I'm in a stable place right now and I know I have some explaining, can you come over?" Malcolm asked and I nodded before responding verbally.

"Of course man, I'll be right there."

So I left Haylees house after all, if it's not one Porter it's the other.

I arrived at the house and debated about walking in, part of me felt like this was a set up for Malcolm to take his anger out and I knew I'd take the beating. I was worried about him yeah but now there's a side of me that sees him as the bad guy. He had so many damn opportunities to tell me how he was feeling but he didn't. He fucking stayed silent.