Ours. |knj + ksj| (eng)

32

Weeks: twenty-nine

The awkward silence filled the space around them. Jin looked into his tea and stirred it with a spoon, the metal ringing against ceramics. He didn't want to make eye contact with the boy. 

He wanted to say something, to keep the conversation going but he was at a loss for words. His last brain cell was running in circles, opening the drawers to search for any ANY topic that they could discuss but he didn't find anything. 

Namjoon looked out of the window. This was harder than he had thought it would be. He glanced at Jin, the heaviness hanging in the air. If anyone wasn't going to say something, he would explode. 

His leg was bouncing in nervousness as he bit his lip. 

This wasn't going in the way he wanted. 

"So..," Jin looked up at him, content to hear something different than the quiet chit-chat of other people in the café, "have you used the math papers I gave you?" 

"I gifted them to Jungkook, I hope you don't mind," the older shot up an apologetic look towards the younger and the other shook his head. 

"No, not at all," Namjoon smiled. 

"He did find them useful. So, thank you." 

The taller nodded, "No problem." 

And that defeating silence again. The stones were lying on their chests as their minds were trying to search for something to fill that awkwardness. 

"I still haven't started to learn math yet," Jin chuckled after some time. 

"Oh, well if you need help, just text me, okay?" Namjoon smiled and the latter nodded, drinking his tea. 

The clock was suddenly ticking very loudly. Jin relaxed his shoulders and looked around for what felt like the thousandth time again. 

"I'm sorry," Namjoon apologized, "I-" he sighed and shook his head, "I really wanted this date to go well but I feel like I can't find any topics for us to talk about. I really want to but it's unexpectedly hard." 

"I feel the same way," Jin responded, his leg bouncing, "I'd love to talk to you but my mind is blank." 

Namjoon giggled. "Well, at least we feel the same." 

"Actually," the light bulb above Jin's head went on as he searched for something in his bag, "look." 

He handed him the item, which happened to be an ultrasound photo. Namjoon smiled at it, his eyes not leaving the picture of their daughter. 

"Is she okay? Are you okay?" 

"Fortunately, we are both fine, "Jin nodded, "it's still a long way to go though. I can't sleep properly anymore because I keep waking up to pee constantly," the older sighed. 

"Which week are you in again?" Namjoon looked at the boy. 

"Only thirty. And that scares me. Because if I can't already sleep now, how will I sleep, when Bubble's bigger?" Jin shook his head. 

"I'm sorry to hear that," the taller pouted, "but I am sure you will find a way how to fix it. You're Kim Seokjin," Namjoon smiled. 

"What is that supposed to mean?" The older raised his eyebrows with a smile. 

"That you can fix anything." 

"That might be not true but now I have to fix my bladder again, so please excuse me," he got up and walked to the toilets. Namjoon looked outside and breathed out. His gaze fell on the ultrasound photo again and he couldn't help but smile. 

Jin came back to their table. 

"I will need to go." 

"Already? But it's just five," Namjoon pouted as he helped the latter into his jacket. 

"Thanks," he smiled and finished his tea, while the taller was putting his jacket on too. They walked out and Namjoon insisted on walking him home. 

The silence filled the air again, only their footsteps could be heard. Namjoon looked at Jin's hand, which was swinging close to him. He touched it lightly, to make it look like it was not on purpose but the latter hid it in his pocket anyway. Namjoon looked down, being disappointed but not surprised. 

He understood and yet it was tearing him apart. Maybe next time, he would let him. 

Would there be a "next time" though? 

They kept on walking, their mind occupied with their own struggles and thoughts. Technically, everything was fine but both men felt an overwhelming tension in the air. 

Jin stopped as they arrived at Jungkook's apartment building. Namjoon stood in front of him and as he was staring into the latter's eyes, his mind flooded with memories from that cold winter evening and their almost-kiss. He smiled lightly. 

"Well, thank you for today. It was nice...," Jin nodded. 

"Yes. Yes, it was," he brought one of his hands to the latter's face. He almost caressed it but Jin moved away slightly. Namjoon got the hint and placed his hand back into his pockets. 

"Bye," Jin waved and walked to the door. 

"Bye, Hyung," Namjoon answered as he was watching the other going inside. He sighed.