Ours. |knj + ksj| (eng)

Epilogue

[1 year later]

He opened the door to the apartment and when it closed with a squeaky sound, a dreadful silence filled the space around him. How much he hated coming here.

This was supposed to be his home, their home. He was supposed to be excited to come here, to loving arms, he was supposed to count seconds until his class or work shift ended, he was supposed to feel warm inside as he couldn't help but smile at the thought of coming home. This whole place was meant to be filled with cries and laughter and carry memories and the sound of tiny feet against the wooden floor.

But instead, the apartment carried silence.

It was all that was left. The coldness, the harshness of the sound of nothing. He would give everything for something, someone to pierce it, to break it apart, he would sell his soul to the devil for a tiny tiny sound that would show hope. Hope that his world would feel the warmth of the Sun, the warmth of spring, the warmth of his arms.

Every time he was met with it, it felt as if he crashed with his car into a wall, it was making his heart burst all over again. The silence was nothing more than a wound that was constantly gushing out blood with no doctor to stitch it up.

He didn't want to be here. He was purposely staying longer at school, in the library or just somewhere, just to avoid all these feelings he felt at the moment, to avoid confronting the empty side of the bed, the empty crib.

He didn't bother to take the shoes off; it didn't matter anyway. He walked through the corridor; his heart heavier with every step. He felt his chest tighten as if someone was gripping his torso and squeezing their hand.

He walked around the apartment, looking at the empty beer bottles in the kitchen, the unclean dishes in the sink. If things were different, Jin would be warming up dinner for him or maybe preparing food for Dalbit or maybe he would be in the bedroom. But he would be here, in this apartment, home. He would be home.

He turned around, not bothering with the dishes too. He walked into the bedroom and as his eyes lied on the bed, he could actually feel his heart shuttering. The light blue walls painted by Jin and him, the wooden floor, the brown bedsheet, chosen by Jin, and the beautiful curtains in the window. His mind flooded with memories of how they were in this apartment for the first time - the thing that had captured them the most was the view. Namjoon had hugged Jin from behind as they had looked outside. They could see the park in the street with its beautiful trees and green grass and the tall buildings with big windows, where stories were made.

Too bad theirs ended too quickly.

From the window, he looked through the doorframe to another room. His eyes filled with tears as he walked over to the yellow-painted nursery and ran his fingertips over the wooden parts of the empty crib. He sobbed loudly, finally breaking the silence, as he knelt on the floor, his muscles giving up. He was screaming and crying as the feeling of sadness and hopelessness filled him whole and spilt over. He was in pain; he was hurting so much, and he knew that nothing that he would do would bring them back.

They were gone. They took Jin and Dalbit away from him. Forever.

It had been two months already. Two months of pain and alcohol to bury his tears inside. He was so broken and he didn't want to live anymore. He didn't know how he would ever recover from this.

His body trembled as the pain was consuming him. He wanted to change the course of events. He wanted to bring them back. He wanted to see Dalbit smile and feel Jin's hug again. He needed it more than ever.

But they were gone.

He knew tears were useless but he couldn't help but whimper as the grief was consuming him and eating him up. He'd never known a pain like this.