Swallow Your Affection

Hush Hush

Stress nightmares become just-... just a little more frequent.

And considering only two days had passed since your first one, maybe a little wasn't the right measurement for that. You've had at least five.

You would have one every time you tried to doze off- so what used to be an optional sleeping choice became a prison.

No sleep.

At all.

Not unless you want another nightmare- with no comfort waiting on the other side of consciousness.

And being awake for that long left you all the time in the world to t h i n k.

Think about so many things.

Worry about so many words that didn't matter, and over analyze every conversation you've ever had.

Maybe you should've been softer with Tommy when telling him you still wanted to be Techno's friend-

Maybe Wilbur would be kinder if you phrased your reprimand differently-

Maybe they all hated you-

It was an unhealthy hole to fall down- you knew this- you knew it so incredibly well, and yet you started to slip down the ledges-

All your thoughts circled around apologizing. To Tommy.

But how could you apologize to him if you haven't even apologized to your brother?

Oh God your brother-

You do need to apologize-

For the argument that caused your falling out? For responding with just as much hate and negativity as he was?

Maybe you'd still have a piece of family near you if you did.

Those thoughts led you here.

To the nether portal.

To the main hub area, standing on the staircase lined hill next to the community house, and soaking up all the flaking mist and purple specks that came from the portal to your homeland.

You stared deeply into it, running around the idea of actually going to see your brother. Your hand held the compass he had given you a long time ago- before your falling out. It was self explanatory if the purple sheen to it was anything to go by.

It led directly to him.

You could go visit him- see if he was still angry- maybe make amends.

That's what you were trying to do the first time you met Technoblade and accidentally shoved him off a cliff.

He had been the perfect excuse to call it quits for the day- how repulsive of you.

Avoiding the inevitable.

But this time Techno wasn't here to give you an excuse to keep procrastinating.

You were by yourself- with the compass, and your watch, and your bloody fire proof genetics- and you were going to go make amends!-

Any and all thoughts got sucked right back up into you when a silhouette came strutting through the portal- figure shrouded in purple particles briefly before stepping out. The purple portal slipped off his figure like water, re-merging with the main obsidian frame and becoming a solid wall of lavender mirror.

Ah.

Yes.

Technoblade.

You haven't seen him in awhile.