Swallow Your Affection

Chill of The North

Everything was hard to process.

God- why couldn't you think-

There was no feeling in your arms, and if you did feel anything, it was the numb rush of blood as it tried pumping through your limbs.

Everything was dark- you could barely breath, let alone open your eyes- your heartbeat was the only sound you heard.

Breath- breath- breath-

Why was breathing so hard-

What the hell happened to you-

Your face was just as numb as everything else in your body- eyelids refusing to open no matter how much you tried to will them to-

Your thoughts were fleeting- sparking to life every few seconds before fizzling into nothing-

Concentrating was impossible-

Everything was so damn loud- yet so fucking quiet at the same time- and it made frustration bubble deep inside of you-

Your eyes stung- and for a second you realized that was the first thing you felt since half coming into consciousness.

Why did they sting?

The sensation of water rolling down your cheek made you flinch.

Water?

No-

Not water-

You were crying-

Fuck-

Why were you crying?

Were you angry? or frustrated?

Why were you either of those?

Were you trying to do something?

Your mind fizzled again- and your thoughts fell away-

Water down your cheeks?

Not water-

Tears-

You were crying-

Fuck-

Hadn't you been over this before?

How many times had you been over this before?

The tears were silent and picking up in pace the longer your mind ran in circles-

A sob came out of your throat-

Fustrated because you still. Weren't. Waking up.

Fustration burned in you- burned so hot that for the briefest breath you took, you felt life-

Life in all its shitty feelings and happiest moments-

You felt the aching in your body- the soreness of your pounding head- the shaking pull of your lunges as they burned on cold air.

Then you fizzled out again- and any sort of stirring that had been happening vanished-

Back into nothing-

Back into the submersion of empty thoughts and numb questions.

Why couldn't you wake up?

Why weren't your eyes opening??

Noises were coming from you- and that was better progress then nothing- but everything still felt so insensate.

A rattling noise came from somewhere around you-

No-

Not rattling-

Creaking-

Wood-