The Monsters Inside and Out (Scott Howl x Depressed Reader)

68. Scott's Feelings

"Well.. I don't really know if I've actually meant it." The words ring inside your head, and you want to cry. But something deep inside of you made it so you didn't. You just continue to stare at him. You know there is more he wants to tell you, but it hasn't come out yet. He clenches his fists and says, "I said that to them too. I told Amira, and Oz, and Brian, and Vicky that I loved them. We barely dated and I said it. I just liked them so much I wanted to tell then that I loved them. I like it when people love me, so I thought they'd like it too. And they did! They said it back to me, and I always felt special but.. Now you and I say to eachother all the time. And I still really like it but.. It just doesn't feel as special." You sigh. You have nothing, no response. There's nothing you can say or do, because that's it. He doesn't really love you. The once colorful and happy world you've grown accustomed to has once again turned grey and dull. For the first time in a while, you think about how nice it would be to kill yourself, if it were actually possible. You look back up at Scott to catch him looking at you. You decide to ask the one burning question on your mind, "Does this mean you're breaking up with me?" He gasps and covers his mouth with his hand. "No, no, no, it's not like that all! I'm sorry, I uh.. I.. I'm just trying to think about what I want to say.." As the loneliness finally sets in, you clutch your stomach in pain and some tears well in your eyes. A few minutes go by in silence before Scott speaks again. He says, "I've realized something though." He puts his arm around you and runs your shoulder. "I do love you." You lift your hand up to touch his. You ask, "How do you know?" "You're my longest relationship. We've been together for months. I dated the others for only a few weeks, but you've stayed with me. You love me for me, not for prom. When I first met you, I just wanted to protect you. I could tell that you were sad, and I wanted to make you happy. So when I saw how happy you were that one night, I wanted to be with you. When we started dating I was happy, and excited, and it was everything I wanted but.. None of them made me think like you did." You look at him, confused. He continues, "You made me think about this. I have never been happier than I have been with you, but I would've never realized it without you. I thought I was happy woth the others, but I wasn't. I always knew that you were smarter than me, and that I was really dumb. So, in order to make me better for you, I learned how to read. And I learned how to be honest. (Y/N).." He turns his whole body so that it's facing you. You turn in his direction and he grabs your hands. He says, "I was able to tell them how they made me feel." Your eyes widen. He had this whole secret, sad side of him that no one knew about, and now here he is, telling you that you gave him the confidence to be honest with others. You've honestly never been more proud. He says, "That's why I was so late. I had to get the courage to say it, I had to think about what I wanted to say, and I said it. I cried, but I said it. Now I have to say," He moves closer to you, so your faces are inches from eachother, "I love you, (Y/N). I really do." You burst into tears. You wrap your arms around him and cry into his shoulder. You tell him, "You're right! You're absolutely right! I always have to tell my mom that I love her, but I never feel it, then when you say it to me, I say it back, because it feels nice to be loved, but I never actually understood that love. It's strong, it's powerful, it's wonderful, and Scott, I love you too!" By now, you're both a sobbing mess. After confirming eachother's genuine love, you both can't help but cry. The color was once again brought to life as the world just seemed to make sense.

Another 15 minutes speed by until either of you calm down. You look at eachother, and he wipes away your tears. He says, "No offense, but you're kind of an ugly crier." You laugh at his remark. He stands up, and offers his hand to you. "Now then, would you like to have a romantic Valentine's Day?" You nod your head and accept his hand. He leads you to the back of his van, where he gets out a bouquet of your favorite flowers. "Happy Valentine's Day," he says. Just as the two of you are about to kiss, your phone starts ringing. You groan and pull it out of your pocket. Of course, it's your mother. You answer it, "Hello?" "Oh, (Y/N), thank goodness you're okay! Listen honey, I just a call from work, and I need to go somwhere for the rest of the weekend. So, that means I need you home asap." "Yeah, mom. I'll be home soon." "Okay honey, I love you, bye-bye." "Love you too.." You hang up and put your phone back in your pocket. You tell Scott, "I gotta get home. My mom has to last minute travel somewhere for the rest of the weekend. Buuut, I'll text you when I know she's gone, and maybe you can come over?" He smiles and pats your hair, "I'd love that." You give eachother a quick peck on the lips and hop into his car.

He drives you back home and drops you off at the end of the street. Once you get out, you tell him, "Once she leaves, I'll wait for about 30 minutes to be safe, and I'll text you, okay?" He nods in agreement and drives off. You walk down to your house and enter through the front door. You see your mom walking around the house, grabbing things she needs and puts them into a suitcase. She asks, "Hey, (Y/N), how's your... Classmates?" "My friends are doing just fine, mom." "Great. Now, I'll be back the day after tomorrow, so be good, don't let anyone into the house, and no parties." She winks at the last statement, but you still sense a bit of seriousness in her tone. She kisses you on the head and leaves. You watch as her car drives down the street and out of view. You sit down on the couch so you can wait a half hour to text Scott. You watch an episode of a show you like, and text Scott that you're ready for him to come over. After waiting about ten minutes, your doorbell rings, and you open the door. You see Scott holding the bouquet from earlier, as well as a plastic bag. You point at it and ask, "What's that?" He blushes, "I thought that.. Maybe.. We could.. Make dinner together?" You chuckle at his cuteness, feeling your face heat up as well. You let him inside, and you both make dinner together. It surprisingly turned out great. The rest of the night, you talked about life, watched a movie, and did a lot of cuddling and kissing. Finally, once it was about 2 AM and you were both exhausted, you got ready for bed together.

Scott sits down on your bed, and puts his arm up, allowing you to get under it. Once you're in a comfortable position, you tell him, "Thanks for everything you do. You really are special." He chuckles, "Of course. You're special too." "Listen, you don't need to tell me that you love me if you're not ready." He smiles, "I'm ready, but I think I'll be saying it less.." "That's okay." You both get situated and he holds you in his arms. He kisses your forehead again, and says, "Good night (Y/N). I love you." You squeeze harder, "I love you too."