The Monsters Inside and Out (Scott Howl x Depressed Reader)

34. Her Secret Weapon

"That's why." Scott, Vera, and Oz look at you. "She wanted me to get hurt." Scott asks, "But she says she loves you! Why would she want to hurt you?" "She hates monsters. She wants me to stay away from monsters. She put the steak outside because it was a full moon, and she knew werewolves would be out. The steak was supposed to lure one to our house, I was supposed to go out with my mom with blood on my hand. She left me alone outside so she could wash her hand off and grab the gun she just suddenly had. She was going to shoot Scott because he was supposed to attack me. She wanted me to see that monsters are evil and will hurt me, but she is the one who hurt me. Again. It's always her. She always hurts me!" Your voice echos throughout the room. New cracks appear in the wall behind you. Your tantrum is shortlived however, as your pain from the gunshot and the surgery prevents it from escalating. Oz decides to change the subject to get your mind off things. You all talk about various things you missed at school. After a little while longer, the nurse comes back in to explain what needs to happen for you next. After some testing, she tells you that you are able to leave. She gives you a medicine you need to take, and advises you on some things. She says you can't lift anything heavy, not to overwork yourself, drink plenty of fluids, and that you may experience feelings of depression or anxiety after an experience like this. So nothing you're not used to. She also tells you one more thing. "Also, all your medical fees have been taken care of by Mr. Oberlin." You look at Vera, who pays no attention to you, but you see her smug smile.

You all leave the hospital and walk down to Vera's car. Vera and Oz chat about something while you walk really close to Scott, holding his hand. You get to the car, and Vera asks, "Soo, (Y/N) what do you wanna do?" You shrug your shoulders. There's a silence. Oz says, "You wanna go somewhere to eat?" You don't want to be a burden, so you shrug your shoulders again. You caress Scott's hand with yours. Out of nowhere, he picks you up and carries you bridal style. He makes sure to be careful so he doesn't hurt you. He turns away from Vera and Vicky, and speaks to you privately. In a quiet voice, he says, "Hey. I know you're sad, but please, we really wanna spend time with you. You're our friend, and we're so glad to have you. I know we can't make the pain go away, but.. We can try." He kisses your forehead. You put your head to his chest. His steady heartbeat calms you down. You quietly say, "I'm hungry.." He turns back around and says, "Okay guys, let's go eat!" He puts you down and everyone gets into Vera's car. Scott gives you a thumbs up, Oz pats your shoulder and Vera smiles at you. You and Scott get in the back and Vera and Oz get in the front.

Vera starts driving and asks, "Alright, where're we going?" Everyone thinks to themselves on where they'd like to go. You don't care, so you wait to hear Scott and Oz's input. After waiting a minute, you say, "I don't really care." Scott and Oz say, "Me neither." At the same time. Vera sighs and starts suggesting places. After aimlessly driving for an hour, you decide to eat at a Dairy King. You spend the next hour chatting about everything going on lately. Scott beat his bench press record, Oz (unsurprisingly) passed his math test with 103%, and Vera has caught live footage of a skeleton detaching his head to give himself a bj, so that's pretty useful to her. You struggle not diving head first into your food. You haven't eaten in days, so it feels good to finally get something into your stomach, but you need to contain yourself so you don't hurt yourself. After spending another hour there, you say, "I'm ready to go home." The three of them look at you in shock. Scott asks why, and you tell them, "I need to talk to her. I need to let her know she can't control me. I am my own person. If she hates monsters, then she hates me. No ifs, ands, or buts." One by one, their faces light up with approval. You can tell that they're happy and proud of you for wanting to stick up for yourself. Once you're all ready, you leave.

On the way home, you think about what you want to say. What you're about to do sounds crazy. You've never really stood up for yourself when it came to family. You usually just blindly listened to your family, which is honestly what probably led to your current mentality. You start shaking a little, and Scott squeezes your hand. He kisses your head, and says, "You can do this. We'll be right here." Vera has already stopped in front of your house. Before you know it, your mom has stepped outside and is holding her gun. She shouts, "What the hell are you doing here, leave or I'll shoot!" It's now or never. You step out of the car. Your mom puts her hand over her mouth. "(Y/N)! There you are!" She rushes towards you, and starts inspecting your body. "What did they do to you? Where are you hurt?" She lifts up your shirt and sees the bandages covering your wound. Her face turns angry. She looks through the passenger window at Oz and screams, "What did you heathens do to my child?" He covers his head in fear, which makes you angry. You put your hand in between your mom and the window, and start walking in front of it. Your mom says, "Please move, honey. I'm trying to have a conversation with this.. Thing." "No. Converse with me." "I just need to find out what they did to you." "Do you think I'm so stupid that I can't tell you what happened myself?!" "Fine. Then what happened?" "You shot me." She seems taken aback, as if you just told a lie. "It's not my fault. You got in the way." "You shouldn't have been shooting anyone at all!" "I was trying to shoot that monster! That evil, conniving, two-faced, bottom feeding-" "STOP!" She turns pale. You feel a sharp pain in your face, touching it, you see that it's blood. Looking in the mirror, your eyes have changed again. You have new found confidence. "You're the reason I'm like this. You're the reason I've hated myself for forever. You're always talking about monsters being horrible. Have you forgotten that I am still a monster?! Dad was a monster, which makes me half of one, which is still one. These people here," you gesture towards Scott, Vera, and Oz "and plenty of others have made me start liking myself! When I'm sad, they're always here to help me, and I am so grateful for that! And what have you done? You've only hurt me. You are my mother. Out of everyone in my life, you're supposed to be the one who takes care of me. You're supposed to make me feel loved, but I only feel like a nuisance, like a mistake." You feel tears trickle down your face. You fall to your knees and bury your face in your hands. No one knows what to do. Everyone just watches you cry on the ground. Your mother helps you to your feet. She says, "Thanks for bringing (Y/N) home." And leads you into the house.

After you calm down, your mom talks to you. "How could you?" "How could I what?" "That was embarrassing. You embarrassed me. You call me a bad parent? Have you forgotten that your brother is dead? That he was killed by your father? You have the audacity to shame me? For raising you? For giving you shelter, clothes, food? If your father had ended up killing both of you, I'd have so much more money, but I stopped him. I'm sorry I'm protecting my child from the same kind of creatures that killed my other child. All I want is for you to stay safe. I don't want to lose you to another monster. That's why I'm so defensive. You should really take that into consideration before you decide that I'm a bad parent. I didn't have to raise you. But I did it because I love you. I just can't believe you would say all those things about me after I've given you so much. I thought it was enough, but apparently it's not. It also doesn't help that you don't say anything to me. If I knew how you felt, things could have been different, but no. You just have to get mad at me for something that I couldn't control because I didn't know it was hurting you. You know, you're old enough now I can just kick you out of the house. So, what do you have to say for yourself?" You thought about it. Was she right? Nobody's perfect.. Maybe she was trying her best, and now here you are, telling her she's a bad mother. You're her first child, and she's a single mother. Of course you weren't going to be perfect. There's a feeling itching the back of your mind, like what you're about to do is wrong but.. You can't help it. You say, "M-Mom.. I-I'm so s-sorry. I.. I should have t-trusted you. C-Can you forgive me?" She smiles at you. A sly, happy smile. "Of course, honey. I love you." "I.. I love you too." She thinks for a moment and says, "How bout this? You can go out with your *ahem* friends.. Once a week." You smile back at her. "Really? Thanks mom!" She smiles back. The same, wicked smile. You go to your room. Tears start streaming silently down your face. You're weak. She always does this. This must be why you don't stand up to her. She is a bad mother. She can't blame her parenting on someone else. But you're helpless to her words. She works things around so it's your fault. That's her tactic. Her secret weapon. You shut your bedroom door, and take out your knife.