The Monsters Inside and Out (Scott Howl x Depressed Reader)

122. It's Fine

Your eyes slowly flutter open. Your vision feels hazy. Your head hurts tremendously. Curious of the time, you slowly turn your head to look for your phone. It's sitting on your nightstand. You make an attempt to lift your arm and reach it, but it's stuck. You look down, seeing your arm, covered in gashes. It's also covered in dry blood, which causes your arm to be stuck to your shirt. You pull your arm away, freeing it. You reach over for your phone. You pick it up and turn it on to check the time. You immediately notice all sorts of cracks that run from top to bottom of the screen. You groan in frustration. You rub your eyes and sit up straight, looking at your phone again to check the time. It's 4:30 in the morning. Thinking back, you can't remember when you passed out. You sigh as you think to yourself, remembering the events of last night. The entire ordeal makes you want to vomit. You quickly get up from your bed and go to the bathroom. As you move, your bones crack since it's been so long since you've moved.

You lift up the toilet seat, and there it is. Puke. You groan again as your head starts hurting worse. You remember the rest of last night. You were confused and scared. The words 'I love you' were weighing heavily in your mind, and you doubted everything. You were internally screaming at yourself, which ended up being too much for you. You threw up your breakfast in the toilet, squeezed your phone until it crushed, and ended up cutting your arm over and over, until you finally passed out from all the emotions. And now, here you are. Nearly 15 and a half hours later.

You get into your backpack and begin doing your homework like you planned to yesterday. By the time you finish, an hour has gone by. You toss everything back into your backpack and get up to go to the bathroom again. You take another long look at the puke in the toilet before you finally flush it. You strip yourself and get into the shower, desperately scrubbing away at all the dried blood on your arm to get rid of it all. Tears start forming in your eyes as the scrubbing continues, making your cuts open up again. Blood mixes with the water going down the drain, and you finally get the rest of the blood off. After accomplishing that, you get out of the shower and pat your arm dry, and then you wrap it up in bandages to stop the bleeding. You finish getting ready for the day as usual, but you skip washing your face and using your mouthwash.

You get dressed, putting on a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. You get on your phone to check the weather. After logging into it though, you see a cute picture of Scott making a peace sign with his fingers, his wide smile extending from ear to ear. The photo makes your head and heart hurt at the same time. You quickly get it off the screen, going back to what you were doing. The weather app on your phone says it's supposed to be warm today. You groan again, changing into a pair of shorts. You lay down in bed, staring at the ceiling until it's finally time to go to school.

You grab your things and exit your room, and you're greeted by your mother. "Good morning, (Y/N). How are you?" "Good morning. I'm fine." "That's good. I made you breakfast." You feel your stomach growl as you look at the small plate of food your mom made. "N-No thanks, Mom. I'm not hungry," you lie. A look of disappointment washes over her face. "Oh, I see. Umm.. Well, I wanted to say I'm sorry for last night. I'm just trying to help you. I don't want you making the same mistakes I made when I was young." "It's okay, Mom." She nods in approval and smiles, telling you to have a nice day as you quickly leave the house.

The walk to school feels like it takes forever. When you walk in the doors, you're approached by Vera, who looks angry. "(Y/N)! What the hell happened to Scott yesterday? He got here today, saying you don't love him, and that you don't want to see him again!" You stare blankly down at the floor. "He took me home so I could grab my homework. When I came back outside, he was driving away, and my mom was out there too. I don't know what she said, but that must be what it was.." She sighs and rubs her head. "Ugh, of course. I should've guessed. Anyway, I'd talk to him if I were you. Ease his mind." You nod your head and follow her as she leads the way to an empty classroom. In the front row is Scott, his arms folded and head resting on top of them. Vera walks away, and you slowly push the door shut.

The click echoes in the empty room, causing Scott's head to quickly turn in your direction. You wave at him and walk towards him. He silently watches your slow movements, and you take a seat next to him. You reach over and scratch the back of his head. "Do really believe all that? Everything.. She said to you?" He shrugs his shoulders. You sigh and wrap your arms around his neck and your head on top of his. "I'm.. Sorry she made you feel that way.. I hope you don't believe her. I do love you.. I just.. I don't know.." You struggle to find the right words to save the situation. He talks instead. "I don't believe her.. At all.. I just.. It was something I didn't want to hear.. Especially after.." "I know.. And I'm sorry.. Really, I am.." He reaches up to hold one of your hands and asks, "So what was the rest of the night like for you?" You quickly lie, "It was fine. She told me you had to leave, and I didn't want to bother you, so.. You know.." The bell rings, letting you go to class. Scott says, "Welp.. I'll see you at lunch." He smiles. And you hesitantly smile back.