The Monsters Inside and Out (Scott Howl x Depressed Reader)

124. It's Still Fine

You step out into the gymnasium, feeling as though everyone is staring at you. You hang your head in shame as you join your classmates. Coach says, "Ah! (Y/N)! I'm glad to see you join us!" Your head sinks even more as you feel your face heat up in embarrassment. Coach assigns team captains for dodgeball, and the two teams are soon facing off. You're the first person out, so you slowly drag your feet over to the bleachers to watch the game. You watch as dodgeballs fly, students get hit in the face, in the stomach, in the legs, some even in the crotch. Oz soon gets out and walks over to sit with you. He greets you with a wave, and one of the heads on his shoulder waves at you happily. You slightly smile and wave back at him. He sits down next to you and says, "Hello. How are you today?" "I'm fine. How are you?" "I'm good." You sit by each other awkwardly, not knowing how to continue the conversation. As more people get out and sit near you, you start feeling more and more anxious. You catch yourself scratching your uncut arm, eventually getting your arm red. The round finally ends, with the opposing team winning, and you're thrown into another round.

With a blow of a whistle, dodgeballs start flying again. You try your best to focus on the game so you can do better for your team. A ball is thrown in your direction but hits the floor before it gets to you. It rolls slowly until it comes to a complete stop in front of you. You reach down and grab the ball in both hands. You stare blankly at it, your grip getting tighter the longer you stare at it. The nervous feeling in your gut grows more until your pelted in the face with a dodgeball, knocking you backwards and making you fall on your back. You groan in pain and slowly open your eyes, seeing yourself surrounded by Coach, Scott, and the other students. Coach asks, "Ah! (Y/N)! Thank goodness you're not out cold! How do you feel? Are you okay?" You don't answer. You feel everyone's eyes beating down on you. Everywhere you look, you're making uncomfortable eye contact with someone. Your breathing starts getting heavier and faster. You cover your face with your hands and bring your knees closer to your chest. You emit a burst of energy, making everyone around you stumble and fall back like you did moments before. You sit up, looking around at your classmates as they groan as well, all of them slowly getting up. You get up and make a run for the locker room.

You dash to the locker you chose for your things and grab the clothes inside. You change your clothes as quick as you can, and as you pull your hoodie back over your head, the door opens. You turn around and see some of your friends, all of them with a worried look on their faces. Scott is in front, followed by Vicky, Zoe, Oz, and Amira. Tears start flooding your eyes and you make a break for the door out into the hallway. Amira calls out, "(Y/N), wait!" She runs toward you. She's faster, so she reaches you with ease. She gets her hand on your shoulder, causing ice to immediately form on the palm of her hand and your shoulder, right where the contact is. She says, "Ow! Shit!" You spit out, "I-I-I... S-Sorry!" You go back to your mission of running away, escaping out into the hall.

You don't make it far though, as you soon start to feel winded after only running halfway across the hall. You look back behind you to see if you're still being followed. To your relief, you are not. Your dash slows into a walk, and your emotions finally catch up with you. Tears start streaming down your face. You lift your hands up and start wiping them away. It doesn't work out though, since you just cry more tears in their place. You walk over to the side of the hall and lean against the wall. You sink down to the floor, putting your elbows on your knees as you sob quietly.

After a few more minutes, you feel better. At least, better enough to get up and mope the rest of the way to your locker. A few tears linger down your face. Suddenly, the bell rings, causing your heart to drop. You quickly pick up the pace, wiping all the tears you can away. You toss your gym bag into your locker and grab the books you need. Students begin filing out of the classrooms, walking to their next classes in not-too-orderly lines. You awkwardly pass them, a feeling of dread in your heart. You quickly turn the corner and bump into a familiar face, accidentally knocking them over. You look down at the person, seeing Hope on the floor, all her textbooks scattered across the floor as well. "Ugh, what the hell!?" She looks up at you and adds, "Oh, it's just you." She gets up and brushes herself off. With a wave of her wand, all of her books float back up into her arms. You stare blankly as they do so. She also asks, "Hey... Are you okay?" You snap back to reality, shaking your head. "Uh... Y-Yeah! I'm fine." You awkwardly giggle, trying to prove your point. "Are you sure? You look stressed," says a calm voice behind you. You turn around, seeing Faith. Joy catches up to Faith too. You clear your throat and say, "Y-Yeah! I promise! I... I am fine!" You speed walk away, but you hear Joy say something to the other two coven members as you walk. "They seemed out of it this morning, too." You try walking faster. 

You arrive at science class, nervously scratching your arm. You sit down at your regular seat next to Scott, who puts his hand on your shoulder. "Baby? Are you okay? You left before us, but we got here faster." You look at him, then at Vicky across from you, then at Calculester. "I-I'm fine..." Scott says, "But-" You interrupt him though, "I said I'm fine!" You angrily turn your head away. Your friends turn silent for the remainder of class, allowing you to further suppress and ignore your feelings and focus on the lesson.