Spencer Reid: Oneshots

Forever

Summary: Spencer struggles to propose.

Spencer had been with the BAU for 11 years, and things never truly got easier.

He didn't become desensitized to what he saw like most people just seemed to believe.

He was just better at hiding it.

Each time he hears that shriek, sees something the average person could never imagine, has to pull that trigger, it's as horrible as the first time.

"You did what you had to," Rossi said, patting the man's back. "That young lady is alive because of you."

Spencer glanced back at the stretcher, rolling the covered body of the unsub.

Was it wrong that he felt so bad?

Spencer exhaled, the machines of his psyche already stuffing the memories from the day in the depths of his mind. His back rested against the leather of the seat, his hand subconsciously removing a small, black box from his bag. The soft plush outside, the little snap it made when it shut.

"Reid—holy shit." Emily stood in front of him, Spencer rushing to put the box behind him.

"Hm?"

Her surprised expression morphed into an excited smile as she slid into the seat across from him. "Are you proposing—"

"Shh!"

She glanced around, lowering her voice to a whisper. "Are you proposing to Y/N?"

Spencer inhaled, pressing the back of his head to the seat. "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Yeah."

"Spencer, you know everything."

He rolled his eyes. "I just...I don't think—I don't know."

Emily tilted her head. "Something tells me this is a little more than some pre-proposal anxiety."

Spencer swallowed. "Just nerves."

"I'm a profiler too, you know."

"So you'll see it's nerves."

"Spencer."

Spencer sighed. "I showed it to my mom."

"Spencer! Why is that a bad thing? She must be thrilled!"

"She is! She is! It's not her...it's—" He sighed.

"What?"

"She said it reminded her of her ring."

Emily furled her brows. "Is that bad?"

"I love Y/N so much. The way I feel about her is unlike anything I've ever felt, and I want to spend my life with her, but...my dad must've felt that way about my mom once. Getting her a beautiful ring, consulting his friends and family, everything I'm doing."

"Well yeah, sure. That's what love does to a person."

"And yet he could just...he could just pick up and leave her." Spencer exhaled. "I couldn't even imagine myself doing that to Y/N."

"And you won't," Emily soothed.

"But I'm sure my dad didn't imagine leaving my mom, but he still did. I bet he didn't imagine having a son but never truly loving him the way he was supposed to—" Spencer ran a hand through his hair. "What if I'm like him?"

Emily sighed softly, holding his hand over the table. "Spencer Reid, you are the most wonderful person and friend I may have ever met. I could see it on your face the day you came into work after getting that date with her even though you wouldn't admit it, you love that woman with every fiber of your being. And I assure you, you are nothing like your dad. Never will be."