STRAY KIDS ONESHOTS

STARVING - MINSUNG

SHIP: Minsung

PLOT: After many hate comments Jisung's diet gets out of control, and so do Minho's feelings for him.

WARNINGS: eating disorders, hate comments about weight.

REQUEST: neon_city_cultur

The realization and acceptance of the fact you have an eating disorder always hits like a brick.

The funny thing about the illness is that you always try to convince yourself that it's nothing serious. When you skip on your usual mid-morning snack you say to yourself,  if I eat now I'll spoil my appetite. When you count calories you say, oh, I just don't want to overeat. When you restrict your favorite foods you say, I just want to eat healthily. And when you exercise until you collapse you tell yourself you just want to have more muscle and be stronger.

The breaking point of realization comes in many different ways: it can come when you realize you have lost your period, when you look at the results of a bold test and realize everything is wrong, when you collapse in front of someone, when someone you know looks at your naked body in sheer terror and worry, in Jisung's case, a mix of the last two.

Social media had become something cruel for Jisung to look at, for every STAY saying they liked his new buff look, hundreds were saying they missed his skinny legs and his tiny waist. Some of them were nostalgic and sad, but others were far more aggressive, demanding his old body, and making their disgust for the new one clear. So Jisung set his mind to it, he liked both of his figures, so if  STAY were happier with the old one, the old one it was.

He sat down on his desk and start to set down a diet and exercise plan. In total, he would eat 1800 calories per day and work out two hours a day, plus dance practices. Back then, when it all began, there was already a voice in the back of his head telling him this wasn't a good idea, but he ignored it, convincing himself that that was the lazy part of his mind, wanting to go back to unhealthy snacks and one hour of working out.

Jisugn knew he didn't stick to the plan, from time to time he would skip meals, and restrict on them, he knew he was eating less than 1800 calories, and maybe even less than 1500, but he convinced himself he must have counted wrong at some point throughout the day. And when the sensation of deep hunger settled down on his stomach he kept convincing himself that it was his anxiety and stress building up inside of him because of not being able to finish producing deadlines on time.

Convincing himself became harder when the other members and the staff started getting worried. The first time worried glances settled in his direction was when his stylist told him that he had to stop losing weight because they couldn't afford constantly getting him smaller sizes. Jisung laughed it off quickly, apologizing and excusing himself by saying he had been eating fewer snacks lately. 

Throughout the next months, the members were much more attentive about everything he did, they would follow him everywhere, comment on how little he was eating, and how much he was exercising. Chan was especially worried. Even though Jeongin was the maknae, Jisung was the first future member the leader had met and he had special care for him, besides he was the maknae of 3RACHA, he's was bound to be babied by Chan. It hurt Jisung to lie to him, to treat him so rudely he would back off, and to tell him it was none of their business.

But there was one day, where things took a drastic change.

~MINHO P.O.V.~

"Okay, great practice everyone!" the dance instructor said, "I'm very proud of all of you. Minho, if you don't mind could you stay with Jisung to help him with some steps? He couldn't get the timing quite right."