feel.

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Suzette

"Bae, why you actin' like you can't tell me why you wanna go see the kids out of nowhere?" I asked anxiously. Sammy shook his head silently while focusing on the road ahead as he drove. "Well did somethin' happen?" He didn't respond so I knew something had to be wrong. Lord, please don't tell me that something happened to my Shakur or that that boy got locked up again... Or Shayne, I know she been going through a lot Lord but just don't let it be that God... or Zaya... Jesus! "Sammy will you tell me somethin'? You got me over here thinkin' all kinds of crazy things," I pressed and my fiancé sighed, an indication that I'd nagged him enough to get him to spit out whatever he was hiding from me.

"Shayne..." I gasped. "Lord not my child! What happened? Did she hurt herself? Is it bad? Is she in the hospital?" He reached over, holding my hand.

"She's not hurt, calm down. But... Shakur called me earlier today and told me that he walked in on Shayne snorting crushed pills." My mouth fell open out of pure shock. "Are you kidding me?!"

"His money's been funny so he's been suspectin' that somebody was stealin' from him. He turned her pockets out and said she had to have taken at least 50 pills."

I sat there speechless at the news of my daughter's addiction. I could only wonder just how many of my footsteps my child would end up following. It felt like a generational curse was trying to chain us up and throw us in the water to drown. So many emotions fell over me and between sorrow, anger, confusion, and frustration I couldn't tell which one I was feeling the most. Sammy's hand slid out of mine to rest on my knee. "Say somethin' Sweetheart," he said so low that I almost didn't hear him. I looked over at him to see him breathing just as heavily as I was and simply shook my head at a loss for words. "I feel like this is my fault," he admitted. My head snapped back in Sammy's direction. "Why?" He took a deep sigh. "Those was my products... maybe had I been more adamant about keepin' Shakur out the game when I first saw what he was gettin' into this would have never happened."

"First of all... I love my son to death but he's been as stubborn as he is today since he was just a baby. It wouldn't have mattered what you said. If there's somethin' Shakur wants to do he gone do it. I had to learn that the most you can do with these kids is give them all the love they can take, talk to them and show them the right way. You gotta let them learn the lessons life gone teach them and be there when they need you. That's all we can do. And yeah, maybe if Kur wasn't into that we wouldn't have found out like this but we might have had to find out after somethin' much worse like an overdose or some kind of accident, or we may have never known at all and she would just be dealin' with that by herself. You can't blame yourself for that. As mad as I want to be right now... knowin' my child I'm just thankful that the circumstances weren't different," I took a deep breath while shifting in my seat as Sammy turned into the gated community.

"So what are we gonna do about this?" Sammy asked and my shoulders rose and fell slowly. "I guess we just have to get her the help she needs. Get her a therapist, some kind of rehab, pray... I think I want Shayne to stay with us for a little while, babe." I looked over to see Sammy nodding in agreement. "I made a few calls before you got home. I know some folks who can help us tackle this privately."

We rode the rest of the way to the house in silence but when Sammy was pulling into the driveway I saw the twins hugging on the balcony in Shayne's room. We got out and entered to hear a television playing loudly from somewhere. Soon Shakur appeared atop the stairs holding his sister by the arm. "Come down here. We need to talk," I said on one note before making my way to the den without waiting for anybody and I found Zaya laying on the floor watching TV. "Hey Lil Nugget," I said softly and Zaya looked up at me with a big smile on her face. "Hey Nana!" She jumped in my arms hugging me so tightly as I sat down. "Nana when you takin' me to church?"

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