Chapter one hundred and eighteen

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Rhislett's POV

trigger warning ⚠️

I just laid in my literally arms trying to stay at peace with how she's holding me like a baby. " you okay?" She whispered testing to see if I'm awake and I was to tired to respond so I gave a small nod. " how about we head to you're bed darling the sofa is killing me" she said and I nodded but before I could get up she just carried me up the stairs. " you gotta stop carrying me mom" and she smirked " never" . I got into my bed and I snuggled into my mom " do you resent me?" I asked in a small voice and I felt her stop and pull back " why would I resent you baba?" And I frowned " I'm a mess. Rose and Harry aren't this damaged" and she frowned " baby girl I don't resent you. You're right in some of that. You're just not a mess and you're not damaged but rose and Harry haven't been thru what you have. Which just makes me know why this all means more to you then I thought. I didn't realise how bad I'd handled things between you and I baby. I'm so sorry my sweet girl" and I wiped her tears " it's not you're fault mum. You didn't know and I resented you At the start. I thought if you'd kept us it wouldn't of happened but I guess it was supposed too." And I knew I had to convince her because she wasn't going to just listen " mum please listen I would still be resenting you if that was the case but it's not because it's not true" and she nodded " I should be comforting you" she mumbled and I smiled " ahhh you're a big child mother" and she smiled " I'm you're mother". At least she didn't get mad at me. Thank fuck she didn't blame me for any of it because I knew that those people existed. They blame the victim when I know you should listen to both sides but when a grown ass man rapes a 8 year old there isn't much reason in 2 sides.

" mum i erm I've gotta show you something." I said I knew I wanted to get this out of the way. I got out of bed and pulled my shirt over my head. She looked confused but I turned and sat down again moving my hair. I heard her gasp and then I felt her fingers trace my scars. They were cold but I didn't mind this was her way of coping. " I erm have some in my legs but these are the most prominent" and I turned to see tears rolling down her face " it all makes sense" she whispered I was confused " I'm a terrible mother" she muttered and I went wide eyed how'd we get there. " mum?" And she looked up at me " I'm sorry baby I'm really sorry for it all" and I pulled my shirt back on and crawled back into bed. " that's why you don't go in the pool. I never Even noticed why you're back is always covered. That's why you didn't wanna wear that costume omg" she said I could see her piecing together a lot of things and I knew she was gonna spiral " mum I'm not ashamed of my scars. I just wasn't ready for questions and we'll I wanted to tell you when I was ready momma" and she nodded " I know baby but I'm still sorry I never made any of it easier i just added to it all I made those problems worse. Even if you had no excuse I should of never questioned you on what you Want to do with you're body. I should of realised you've got you're own reasons" and I saw the guilt on her face I didn't want her to feel guilty not right now. " don't feel guilty please" and she nodded wiping her face " Come here I want a cuddle" she said and I smiled to myself and got back into my mamas arms. " does Harry know?" She asked me and I nodded " just about him hitting me and not in much detail. I didn't want him to blame himself. I don't want anyone too blame themselves except him. Who does that to a kid?" I asked I didn't expect her to answer me because I was just saying my thoughts out loud " a sick bastard" she muttered and I knew this women tried not to curse around us kids so that took me by surprise. I know this was something big that I just dropped. Honestly I've processed it all. I've thought about it so much. I've tried to see how I could of stopped it or changed it but the truth is life happens. What's done is done and I can't go back and change what's happened. What I can do is change what's going to happen and I'll be damned if I let him ruin my life. Can I ask you a question?" And I gave a small giggle " what have you been doing?" And she shook her head " have you been to therapy" and I stilled. Therapy is something I've never wanted. I don't feel like I've needed it yes I've struggled but if I went to therapy they'll just tell me what I know and that's one more person who knows my shit. Now I'm too paranoid for that. " no and I don't want too" and she pulled back slightly " but-" and I stopped her " I am not doing therapy" and she could tell I was getting angry so she pulled me back into her and rubbed my head. " hey hey it's okay" she did and I let out a breath. I'm not doing therapy and I don't care who suggests it. I knew haz would be coming home soon and honestly I wanted a hug from him. I missed him I hadn't gotten a hug from him in ages and well he's my brother. I miss him. Our lives have seemed to just go in different ways and I don't wanna lose time with him. " my baba" she whispered and I smiled to myself I calmed down after hearing that. I'm a softie leave me alone!


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Baby shark doo doo da doo da doo

Remember to drink water
And give you're eyes a break
And my messages are always open


Till the next chapter my loves❣️

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