Love, accidentally

Chapter 37

T R I S T A N

"Where do you want me to start?" I asked, looking at her–I couldn't stop.

I've looked at her everyday, in pictures, magazines and on the screen. I made sure Dani did too.

However, seeing her now with just a few inches apart as we sat outside the house was entirely different. I've been tying an invisible rope around myself not to take her in my arms and hug her with a force of almost 5 years apart.

From the look in her eyes–or rather the lack of it, she didn't want anything to do with me. I deserved it. I didn't deserve her. I never really thought I did.

"From the start." She said, this time meeting my eyes with a look of determination.

I knew what she meant.

"You remember my father?" I asked, already hating bringing him up.

"I do." She said, and I couldn't miss the slightly softer tone her voice came out with.

"I knew what he was since the very beginning. I knew it and I still brought you into my life. It was supposed to be simple...a contract and everyone gets what they want. Until it wasn't and he realized he wasn't going to get what he wanted. He had set the arrangement and told me to follow up with it. After what happened with the last person I fell in love with at that time...I swore I wouldn't put anyone else in danger."

"My father was always threatening to take people away from me if I didn't do as he said and I did do that. He threatened to kill his own children and ex-wife if I disobeyed him. I didn't do it again because I knew that man didn't bluff. Until I did. You may be confused as to how none of this feels real but the time we spent together...he didn't know of it. He thought you were only the woman to deliver my child."

"I wanted to stand the fuck up for him and end his control over me, and that's when I brought you to my family. I was a fucking fool. He told me to leave you after you give birth but...death seemed much better at that time. I still had hope that I could be stronger than him but I was a fucking fool yet again. His world is much more dangerous and stronger than what I had against him. He reminded me of that when he'd send me pictures of you at the firm or even your own family."

"Oh my god." Vera held her head and hung it low between her knees.

"I couldn't do that to you. I didn't bear the thought of you or your family getting anywhere near hurt because of a man that came into your lives just because...of me. It was the second hardest thing in my entire life to go into that restaurant with Kate knowing you were the one who was supposed to be by my side. The one and only person who I wanted to be by my side."

"It wasn't supposed to happen. None of it was fucking supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to be there and you...you weren't supposed to see it. That day, when I saw you laying on the street holding your stomach with blood all over...I died. I didn't, but it sure as hell felt like so. I couldn't think of anything other than I lost you both. I felt so fucking useless right then."

"And in the hospital when you finally woke up, I thought I was given another chance. The foolishness seemed to never end apparently. I thought I could fix everything. When I looked into your eyes though, I knew it was over. You looked like death alive. Like you'd been robbed. Your spark...your soul...your life. Stolen. And I was the reason. I knew then that I'd be a fucking selfish asshole if I stayed and caused more things to be stolen from you."

"Did you know she was alive when you left, Tristan?" I almost cried at the question.

She seemed to know the answer before asking.

She'd never forgive you.

"That was the hardest thing I had to do. I wanted you to be happy. I knew that was where I wasn't present, Vera. I saw our daughter before you woke up and she ripped my heart out and caressed it with her tiny hands. I cried so hard that day...because I knew I wouldn't bare the thought of leaving you. Leaving her though...I didn't ever think of it. I couldn't lose another. I had to chose."

"So you took her from me," She was fucking crying, "actually, you didn't even let me know she was alive. I...I was about to–you are a fucking asshole, Tristan."

I only stared at her, still. Not even a day back and I was already ruining her. The woman I saw laughing and smiling in every magazine on the streets and on TV was now crying because of me.

"I am." It came out as a whisper from the bile rising in my throat.

"What did she mean when she said she'd found me. Don't tell me she thought I left her." She already had a look of betrayal towards me.

"I would never fucking do that, Vera." I said, surprising myself by grabbing her hand and pulling her back towards her house. That look...it fucking throbbed.

I had to make her see everything.

***

I seem to be in the mood for writing nowadays, but don't get used to it folks.

Thank you for your existence and stay safe !!

Tell me what you think...would you forgive Tristan ?