Love, accidentally

Chapter 38

E L E O N O R A

I lost a breath.

I couldn't move or even blink at what was ahead of me.

Me. A lot of me.

Pictures of myself alone. Pictures with my family and pictures of me and Tristan. My magazines.

They were all scattered on the counter after Tristan put them just a second ago.

"I...I don't understand..." I whispered, still out of breath.

"She knows you, Vera. She knows how smart you are and how compassionate you manage to always be. She knows you're hardworking and that that's why you're on the magazines. She knows how much you love her. I made sure Dani never felt like you had any hand in being absent from her life because I know you don't."

Tristan was so close now I felt his warm breath on the side of my face. If I so much as turned my head slightly I'd probably touch him.

I closed my eyes and a tear ran down one cheek.

I was so relieved that my daughter didn't hate me. If I was another version of myself-maybe the old me-I would've wrapped my arms around him and showed him my gratitude for letting me present during my absence.

Old me resurfaced when I felt myself involuntary turn and looked up to him with teary eyes. I looked into his eyes for the first time today. The first time in almost five years.

My heart decided to skip a couple of beats at the same hazel eyes that I had lost myself into so many times. They were so much sadder right now though.

I didn't know Tristan's eyes could've ever been that...broken.

I was angry and frustrated and I didn't even know at who.

Was I angry at him for keeping her away from me? Yes.

Did I blame him though? I don't know.

I know I wouldn't have made the same choice as him if our roles were reversed. I know that I would've talked to him. I know that I wouldn't have been selfish enough to take a part of him away.

I turned back to the counter and looked at anything but the pictures of Tristan and I.

My hands traced one with me and papà with my arm around his shoulders and me laughing with my eyes closed. He was tickling me. I was in the first year of college when we took that photo. He had come to visit me after I called him while crying because I was doubting myself.

He came.

He left.

"I wanted to make sure you didn't miss anything about Dani as well," Tristan's voice made me turn around, "I have documentaries of her three years completed and the first few months of her fourth year."

My heart fluttered at the chance to see what I've missed these past years.

"I'll watch them...alone." I took the flash drive from his hand and nodded to him.

Watching Dani grow up would be the most special thing to me in the world. It would definitely be something I'd like to keep for myself. Even if she didn't feel it, I would have her for myself while watching those documentaries.

"Do you want to stay and-"

"That's my number," I wrote my personal number at the back of my business card and placed it on the counter, "Text me all the events and activities Dani likes to do or go to and I'll be there every time until we talk and figure out what'll happen from now on."