Love, accidentally

Chapter 55

T R I S T A N

You know when you do something for a reason, feel completely justified even though it hurt, endure it for a long long time...and then realize how fucking stupid it was?

Yeah, that was what I felt seeing my mother after almost 5 years of being away.

I locked up the feeling of missing her, missing everyone. I had Dani. It was enough. She was enough. She was safe. Everyone was okay.

But I should've killed my father instead. I should've been brave enough to do something other than run away. Because seeing my mother brought a 5 years worth of pain and longing that I hadn't let myself feel. It hurt.

I was terrified she wouldn't look at me the same way. That she'd be affected by my absence enough to change. It killed me to think that I could've let her love slip away by not being a good son. A present son even.

But who was I kidding? She'd make me whole again.

I breathed, remembering Vera's words from yesterday. I hoped she remembered mine too.

See, we were on a mission today. Each of us were meeting the one person who would breathe life into us in the most unique and familiar of ways.

Our mothers.

We made sure they weren't together because as Vera told me, my mother and Ana were pretty much stuck to the bones now. Ran the pastry shop together and lived a bedroom apart in the same house.

We had to do this alone though. They'll be together later tonight.

I've been looking at her for the past 5 minutes, working on her laptop with her black framed glasses. Her red hair was clipped back in a low ponytail, her signature black jumpsuit on. Her eyes concentrated.

My mother.

I strode to her, sitting on a bench, and plopped down next to her as if it was the most casual thing and not like my heart was about to burst. Not like the dams in my eyes were about to give up if I looked in her warm eyes.

She took a deep breath, her back straightening as her hands began shaking. She knew. She knew and she hadn't even looked at me.

"Oh dear god. Oh dear god." Her voice was shaking as she closed her laptop and looked to the side, up until her eyes met mine and I felt the life flare in me completely.

Her eyes. Her hug. Her words.

My mother hadn't changed.

"Il mio ragazzo. Sei tornato da me. Sei tornato da me. Oh, caro dio." She cried into my shoulder.

I sobbed into her hair, smelling that sweet like honey scent that felt like home.

"Mamma..." I sobbed more, my voice foreign to my ears.

"Oh, my precious boy. I missed your face." She squeezed harder, pulling back to cup my face between her hands.

I did feel like a little boy then who just wanted his mamma. Because she could make everything better.

"I missed you." I smiled weakly at her through my tears, kissing her palm.