City Undertaker || Bang Chan Mafia AU

85: Rolling in the Deep

Lex found herself unable to sleep again at night. She had almost become used to relying on alcohol to fall asleep. Now she was dealing with her thoughts sober, it was a lot harder. She knew it was a destructive habit, yet part of her didn't care. Coming back to Chan and her friends was a positive start to her recovery, but she knew it was going to take more than that.

Chan lay across from her, his eyes closed as his body steadily rose and fell with each breath. It was a surprise he was getting sleep, but she was glad, knowing how difficult it was for him too. Especially with the stress of... She hated being reminded of Jeongin. This was their reality now, and no matter how much she beat herself up about it, he wasn't coming back.

Lex let out a deep breath. Though she hadn't been cuddled against Chan, he found comfort in having their hands linked while they slept. Well, while he slept. Her fingers curled around his. She wasn't ever leaving him, now that she had a bit more clarity about how she felt. It was eye-opening just how much of a rut she had been in now that she was out of it. Nothing quite like that night on top of that building occurred again. That pistol was still buried deep in her suitcase somewhere.

All her luggage currently was stacked against the corner of the room, not that Chan minded. He had even lent her his clothes to sleep in. She was wrapped up in one of his sweaters and sports shorts. They smelled just like him too. It brought her a sense of comfort. God, she had missed him.

Her stomach rumbled. She could ignore that like she usually did but then it would disrupt her sleep even more. But she was so comfortable... Felix had shown her to the kitchen while they lounged in the living room. He had been too kind to her. He had made her a sandwich while in the kitchen and even showed her where the bathroom was.

The path to the bathroom required them to go outside. It was directly left to where they'd exit from the back door. Lex wasn't one to complain about the hygiene of bathrooms but found it to be surprisingly clean. It was a normal bathroom but... Outside. The warm water was soothing against her skin, she almost didn't want to leave. Besides, she had probably only showered 4 times within the last month. She was reminded when she pumped more shampoo into her hand than she needed. Her hair was short now, practically the length of Minho's, it wasn't necessary.

Lex had exited the bathroom while ruffling her hair with the towel. It was easier to wash and dry now, that was something to look forward to. She nearly bumped into Hyunjin on her way in as he came on his way out with a towel slung over his shoulder. It could've been worse she supposed. Hyunjin had simply nodded at her and kept his gaze to the ground.

At least he wasn't glaring at her. It still hurt to have him not speak to her, but she knew it could be worse. She hoped Changbin came around soon too. Though they hadn't talked often within the last few months, she knew they had a deep care for one another. Even when they weren't talking, their bond ran deeper than that. She missed him too.

Seungmin was stronger than she gave him credit for. He forgave her and even took the steps to alert her of where they were. Not even Chan, not even Minho. Maybe it hadn't crossed their minds, maybe they were afraid. But it was Seungmin, who she believed would hate her the most.

Lex's stomach rumbled once more. She was going to have to get up. She didn't particularly want to take their food but, she could take grocery trips to make up for it. After giving Chan a soft kiss on his forehead, she carefully slipped out of the bed and quietly left the room. Her feet crossed the cold flooring and she ignored the chills it sent up her leg. The only rooms that had carpet were the bedrooms and the living room. Curses.

Lex trudged down the flight of stairs and let her feet walk herself to the kitchen in the dark. She knew how to navigate without light but she wouldn't be surprised if she slammed into a wall. It might've even given her an adrenaline boost. Not that she needed it.