I want to be him {Mikasa × f!reader}

9: How it happened

Outside Hanji's classroom

Armin pov

I never did like public speaking, the only way I did it was to help my friends. Now, I'm front and center. Everyone's eyes are on me waiting for me to speak, fail. I'll talk and then I'll get berated with arguments, and yelling. I can barely breathe. I don't want to speak. Please Mikasa go first and let me sew my mouth shut so I never talk again.

I guess he sensed my anxiety or something like that. I don't know, but what I do know is he gripped my shoulder, and leaned down, uttering, "It's okay, no one will be mad at you." That. That was why I fell for him and not Jean. He was awkward about showing or sharing feelings, nevertheless, he persevered. He touched my shoulder with his loving hand, whispered needed words into my ear, and made sure I knew it was just him and me. He and me. Hanji clears their throat. I could tell Y/n was ecstatic about what he just did because of her silent cheering which made Mikasa blush because she was forced to do it as well. I suck in a breath and begin,

"It all started when-" I was trying to get Y/n to talk once again about her and Yelena, yet she was so stubborn. All she repeated was, "NoThiNg hApPeNeD, mIn!'' So, I proceeded to roll my eyes and start another discussion that would slowly lead to Yelena. As I was doing that, I didn't realize how close we were getting. We both deal with touch. The more comfortable we are around a person the more we want it. I guess we're just extremely comfortable around one another. Though I heard some commotion and suddenly Jean was right next to me. Y/n snickered and whispered teasingly. "Looks like your other boyfriend is here."

I pinched Y/n's arm and as she was rubbing it with whines I asked Jean what he was doing there. "Oh nothing, I just wanted to know... how you were doing!" It seemed like he came up with that answer on the spot. "I'm fine, how are you today?" He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck, answering nervously, "Good!" I hummed and the atmosphere turned solid. "How's Marco?" Y/n asked, she's always the abrasive, straight-to-the-point, quickly tearing-the-band-aid-off, type. Which is why my heart beats for her. Jean scratched his chin, a little antsy, and answered, "Good, I guess. You'd have to ask him yourself." She hums, snapping her fingers. "Yes, yes, you're right, it's just..." She stood up, walking over to Jean. "Maybe if you paid attention to him more instead of Armeen here, you'd actually know yourself." She smiles a cheeky smile guiding Jean to his original table.

"Then she went to Eren and Mikasa's table and the fight broke out. That's all I can recall, sorry." Hanji smiled, their coffee-stained teeth showing, always brightening up others. "That's more than enough Armin, thank you." They direct their stare to Mikasa, saying, "Alright, give me your side of it, Mikasa!"

Mikasa pov

I sucked in a breath. Armin just went and after Hanji's statement, all eyes were on me. What if I failed? I know it's just a simple explanation, but what if it's wrong? What if Y/n dislikes it? What if- I felt it. I felt padded fingers rub against my outer hand. I was next to two people. Y/n is on my left and Armin is on my right. It was Y/n. Soon those fingers made their way to loop with my hand. She held my hand. She sensed that I needed her and she- People can see. Hanji can see. A teacher. What if she tells everyone? I'm not gay. I'm straight. These butterflies are pathetic. I'm not a lesbian. I'm straight like my mom knows me to be. Pulling my hand away and merging my two behind my back, I start explaining,

"Well," Eren gushed about Zeke and what he'd be doing at this moment and I listened until I saw her. I noticed her the moment I walked into the room, even after I distracted myself, I'm still drawn to her. She has me wrapped around her finger. She has a caring, beautiful way of loving people, animals- everything. I'm lucky to be one of those things. If only I could walk up to her and cup her cheeks, declare my love for her and kiss her soft lips. Maybe, just maybe, if the molecules in time just happened to line up just right, I'd do it. But that's my silly thoughts, even though I shifted to push my seat back, my feet planted, my heart rate rose, and I had eight letters on my tongue, I didn't do it.

Armin patted her hand at a joke she told. It wasn't me. It wasn't me she liked, she liked Armin, and if I saw him that way, I'd like him too. Wow, I wanted to do all those things without realizing she doesn't like me. That would have ruined everything and people would have said I forced it on her. Eren questioned, "You good, Mikasa?" I hum, biting my lip. Eren followed my stare and gripped his pencil tighter. "Oh, they're perfect." He was jealous. I guess I would be too, but as he said, "They're good for each other." Better than I'll ever be, at least.

Soon Jean walks over and Eren snaps his pencil. He was already glaring them down, which might be why Jean walked over. "Someone's pissed," Connie whispered to Sasha. He growled. I wish I had thought of that first. Maybe I'd be Y/n's knight in a school uniform, but I saw red when Y/n L/n guided Jean Kirstein to his table. She had a comforting hand on his back. She was whispering some words to him. That could have been me if only I wasn't so slow- stupid. She talked to them for a while, and when she walked away I saw a smile, so tiny when she was walking over to our table. She stood beside our table and leaned over, face-to-face with me. Inches away. I felt her breath and smelt the minty fragrance of the gum she chewed before school.

She whispered, "Hi, Mika," So silky sweet, I went to heaven. Before I could say a greeting back, Eren spoke. "You aren't going to say hi to me?" She brought her gaze away from me, eyes lingering for a bit until they met Eren's brown ones. "Hi, bitch." She turned her attention back to me. "Your hair looks good, what did you do to it this morn-" Before she finished, Eren intervened, "I'm not a bitch-" "No, you just make everyone else yours, bitch." Eren stood up.

"It escalated after that, and I held back Eren, Armin holding Y/n back." Hanji hummed, tapping their chin. "Alright, sounds legit." They clasp their hands together. "You all have lunch detention!"

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Thanks for reading, just got done with chapter eleven which was so very hard, but I'm glad it's over and done with!

wc: 1k+