I want to be him {Mikasa × f!reader}

59: One more time

Hotel room

You should have known. Sitting on the edge of your bed with Mikasa next to you and Hange across, on the empty bed, you should have known. "Were... you two using protection?" You lift a brow. "We fucked in the shower. We were being clean-" "Y/n, do not talk to me like one of your friends." You hide the smile forming on your lips glancing at the shut door. "Right... Um, we were being safe. She was tested and my last check was a week ago." Mikasa nods at your words, looping her ankle with yours. "Okay... But other than that, this was consensual." You and Mikasa hum. "I consented." "So did I." Hange sighs. "Good. Gods, I'm glad no one heard what was going on in here." Your brows furrow. "Mx. Hange-" "Listen, you need to keep all of this-" They motion between you two. "A secret. At least until you're back in Trost... even then." You tilt your head, Mikasa asking, "Why? If this is because of Yelena-" "No..." They groan, rubbing their temples and leaning forward. "This is because of Levi. Y/n, you know how he is, and he sees you as his daughter, so please don't tell him until you know you're safe to run away." You nod, watching them stand.

"Besides that, I'll leave." They walk over to the door, stepping back a bit and opening it. Historia smiles at you and walks forward, only to be blocked by Hange's arm. "Mr. Hange-" "You learn your lesson?" You inhale, holding back a chuckle. She nods at Hange, uttering, "Of course, teach. Never again." Their face scrunches and Ymir enters the conversation, setting her hand on her shoulder. "We'll try not to do this again, and if we do, you'll be the first to know." They smile at that. "Good, because your snacks were utter shit. Who even likes burnt popcorn chips-" "I do!" The short blonde exclaims, ignoring Ymir's hand and finally walking in. "It's eleven, so please go to bed soon. Good night." Everyone utters the same farewell before Hange shuts the door.

Next is Historia's squealing. "You two fucked!" Your face scrunches while you stand, brushing off the shirt you were wearing. "Historia, you know we've fucked before-" "Yeah! But... Okay, this is different because you two are official. We must celebrate!" You giggled moving to the back of your bed. "Tomorrow, please. I need sleep." Historia groans. "Fine, old lady. Tomorrow we'll have a party. I think... someone I know- his house is near here." She ponders, but all you can do is relax as an arm drapes over you and you hear the tiny words, "Good night, love." But you're too tired to say them back and tomorrow- tomorrow is on your mind because you'll see the reason why you're here.

It's hard to get out of bed at six, very hard. You haven't had a routine like this in three weeks, meaning that getting out of bed without groaning and crying is hard, feet hitting the floor with the cold atmosphere. Yesterday was a lot for Mikasa, so you're glad she hasn't awoken, instead, she just turns to the other side with an incoherent mumble. You make haste, quickly shoving on warm attire and doing your skincare routine. However, there was one problem. The door. The stupid door was very loud and even worse with the lights outside. You tried your best, holding your shoes in your hand and a tiny bag. You put on some deodorant and hid it back in the drawer. After everything, you flung the door open, glancing around to make sure no one was up. It took three minutes, but you made it outside at seven-thirty. Maybe you didn't set your alarm that early.

"What took you so long?" You pause, hand still on the shut door handle as you look to your side, Armin shutting some book about history. "Are you serious?" He nods. "Everyone besides Marco is a heavy sleeper, I guess you don't-" "I sleep with Mikasa, Ymir and Historia won't wake up when they're in each other's arms." You put your shoes on the floor, slipping them on. "Aw, you and Mikasa are so-" "Shut it, there's a subway around here that leaves soon, we have to go now."

You and Armin got on the bus right before it closed. Since it was Saturday, there weren't as many people this early compared to weekdays. "So, are you ready?" Armin, your best friend, hasn't stopped asking that question in the thirty minutes you've been on this stupid thing. Now you're considering punching your best friend because he won't shut up. "Armin, I am ready. Can you stop worrying?" Armin sighs as he looks at you. "Right, sorry, it's just- I'm used to you being with your mom, and... I- I guess I still see you as the little kid who could barely speak up for herself." You opened your mouth, eyes meeting Armin's meaningful ones. "I know, Min, but I'm different, I can speak up for myself and my-" "Friends- I get that... But are you... are you really okay, Y/n?"

Armin shakily inhales, and it breaks your heart to see someone who cares so much about you, break at the thought that he could've done more. You smile lightly, an uncomfortable sigh leaving you. "I... I don't think I am, actually." You sit back in the seat, feeling the rumble of tracks underneath your sneakers. "I tried so hard just to look at everyone and realize that they care about me, but... But I don't think they understand that- I am not okay for them- I mean..." You scoff, the pressure on your eyes building. "I've broken everything about me just to have my mom look at me like a human, something that is worth... life. It's so fucking terrible that I can't get over that she just- she left me alone throughout my childhood... and I get that we couldn't afford a lot and that two or more jobs a day are hard on someone, but I mean... All I wanted was her. Just one day without her telling me that everything would get better, that I just needed to focus on school and get better at it, and that nothing like this would ever happen again like we weren't already content- happy... I just want to be a child again and tell myself not to believe grownups- or at the very least tell my father I love you one more time." You scoff at your own words. "Sorry- Armin, are you crying?"

You at him, his hands quickly wiping tears away. "N-no..." After he sniffles some more and you open your arms for him, he dives into them. "I didn't know you felt that way." You shrug, petting his head. "I never knew either, at least not until I went to therapy and she told me that I was burying so many feelings that my body shut down... I kind of miss her- She told me that it was okay to feel my feelings- okay to be mad and sad and hate others... If I ever have kids I'm going to tell them that." You hear Armin sniffle and nod. "Same..." You giggle. "What?" You start shaking your head as your giggles turn into something more. "I've just missed so much of my life- I- I'm going to see my father, and what if we have nothing in common anymore... Aha, man I'm in deep shit."

You two got off the train, the sun glaring down at both of you. "Damn, it's bright," Armin says, voice a bit muffled from his mask. You nod, adjusting your own. "The snow and sun always go in hand." "Two negatives equal a positive-" "Do they, though?" You and Armin look at each other before giggling and looping arms. "So, the plan is..." Armin prompts, looking at the large buildings, some brick, most shining with glass. "I don't know, go over to his apartment, knock and say I'm your daughter, but in a high-pitched squeaky voice like a kid so he knows-" "No." You blink, brows furrowing as you look over at Armin. "It was just an idea." He snickers. "Okay, how about you get his apartment number first." "I know it." He raises a brow, stopping at the walk light. "How?" You lost his gaze, kicking your feet in the shallow mush of snow. "I did some digging... He's an engineer now." Armin inhales, "You went through your mom's things, didn't you?" You whine, almost glaring at him. "Yes, but don't judge, 'Minnie. I had to or else Chicago would be for nothing." He rolls his eyes, finally crossing the street with you. "Lead the way and I'll judge after." You hit his chest lightly at that.

"So, this is it?" You nod, looking at the number eighteen. "Yup, I just have to hit that and he'll ring us in." "No questions asked?" "Nope." "Can we take these masks off then-" "We need to keep our identity secret-" "This isn't a detective show, Y/n!" You poke your cheek with your tongue, shaky, mitten-clad finger touching the button, but not pressing it. "We can stop now, you know?" You shake your head. "We've come this far-" "Is this a detective show-" "Armin!" He backs off, holding his hands up in defense. "I just... I don't know what he's like after all this time." Armin folds his arms across his chest, but before he can say anything a door opens, and everything is different when Armin meets his e/c eyes. "I just hope he still likes me." That's all you say before hitting the number eighteen.

"Well, who are you?"

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WC: 1.6k+

Guess who's back after not being for a long time againnnn Lmao I have tests coming up and hopefully will get some more chapters out before I have to freak out about that