The Greatest Hero of All Time

~Jefferson's Ultimate Tea Party~

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of "kill," "slaying" "blood"

Me and Ruby followed the strange cat to what looked like a tea party. There was Mallymkun,the March Hare and a man who I could only recognize as the Mad Hatter from our town in Storybrooke also known as, 'Jefferson.'

He smiled when he saw us and he walked across the table to greet me and Ruby, "It's you!" Mallymkun, "No,it's not. The McTwisp brought us the wrong Sasha."

The Hare, "It's the wrong Sasha?" Jefferson rolled his eyes, "It is absolutely Sasha. You're absolutely Sasha. I know you'd anywhere! I'd know him anywhere."

He kept saying 'him' but I'm pretty sure that I am a girl. He walked with me and Ruby until we found spots to sit at the table, "Well,as you can see,we are still having tea. And it is all because I was obliged to kill time waiting for your return. You're terribly late,you know. Naughty."

Jefferson continues, "Well,anyway. Time became quite offended and stopped altogether. Not a tick ever since" I comment, "Time can be funny here."

Jefferson, "Yes,yes,of course,but now you are back and we need to get onto the Frabjous Day!" Everyone else celebrated minus Ruby and I, "Frabjous Day!" Jefferson, "I am investigating things that begin with the letter, "M."

Ruby comments, "Like Mallymkun?" Jefferson, "Exactly!" Mally smiles and Jefferson asks me, "Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?"

He then mumbles, "Down With the Bloody Big Head" Ruby asks, "What?" Cheshire answers, "Down With the Bloody Big Head.' 'The Bloody Big Head' being the Red Queen."

Jefferson, "Come. Come. We must commerce with the slaying and stuff. Therefore,it is high time to forgive and forget or forget and forgive,whichever comes first or is,in any case,most convenient. I'm waiting."

He and the March Hare held up clocks, "Oh! It's ticking again!" Cheshire does not look pleased,he looks almost sickly, "All of this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea."

Jefferson, "Ah,the entire world is falling to ruins and poor Cheshire's off his tea" Cheshire, "What happened that day was not my fault" Jefferson became angry and the March Hare hid behind a teapot.

Jefferson, "You ran out on them to save your own skin. You guddler's scuttish pilgar lickering shukm juggling sluking urpal! Bar lom muck egg brimni!" Mally the mouse stopped him, "Hatter!" Jefferson faced Mally, "Thank you."

The Hare meowed like a kitten and the Hatter responded with, "I'm fine." Cheshire, "What's wrong with you,Jefferson? You used to be the life of the party."

Jefferson smiles at the reminiscing of old memories as Cheshire continues, "You used to do the best Futterwacken in all of Witzend." Me and Ruby ask, "Futter what?"

The March Hare, "Futterwacken!" Mally explains to us, "It's a dance!" The March Hare began to dance as Jefferson says, "On the Frabjous Day,when the White Queen once again wears the crown,on that day, I shall Futterwacken vigorously."

They all laugh but that all stops when we see the red card guards with a bloodhound dog and a man in black riding upon a horse who was not only decked in silver armor but who was also a black stallion.

Mally, "The Knave!" Cheshire vanishes, "Goodbye!" The March Hare runs around to hide, "Hide her! Hide them!" Jefferson, "Ruby,under the table!" She does as he says.

Jefferson hands something to me, "Here. Drink this quickly" I do as he says and I shrank down to the size of a salamander and he hid me in a teapot, "Mind your head" Thank god that there was no tea in this teapot but I banged, "Let me out!"

Soon,the bad people left and Jefferson made a new tiny dress for me. Mally, "Good thing the bloodhound is one of us or else you'd be dead" Ruby came out from underneath the table and I ask, "What do they want with me?" The March Hare came up with an idea, "Wait a minute,best take them to the White Queen! They'll be safe there! Spoon!"

Jefferson takes off his hat, "Your carriage,mil lady" I ask, "The hat?" Jefferson, "Of course. Anyone can go by horse or rail,but the absolute best way to travel is by hat. Have I made a rhyme?"

Everyone laughs at his clever word play and Mally exclaims, "Oh. I love traveling by hat" Jefferson, "Mally. Just Sasha and Ruby,please. Fairfarren,all."

Me,Jefferson and Ruby walk away and Jefferson ducks as the March Hare throws a teacup at him.