Convictions Of The Heart....{bl}

The wedding part 1

* A picture of what I imagine Qian Tao looks like credit to the artist 💕

               Qian Tao's POV

"Qian Tao are you sure you can handle going to their wedding?"
Asked Wû Mu worriedly "Mast- Tao you can stay and not go, nobody will blame you." Yi agreed with Wû Mu. I sighed shaking my head while tying a light green sash along my waist. I had already missed most of the customs I as Yualiang's concubine was supposed to participate in, so I absolutely cannot miss this one. Hurray it should be fun......

On the bright side although week has passed since my visit to Lui Yu since and  I have been holed up in my little court yard reading all the medical books I could get my hands on, I learned how to heal a person using my internal energy, and although I'm not an expert and it drains me out I can still heal minor injuries. My eye also healed it was faster than expected but still it feels good to have it back, but unfortunately I still need to keep the eye patch on for show. During this past week contrary to my slow pace the palace had been under a lot of excitement. With Yualiang  agreeing to make my sister empress and the preparations for their marriage ceremony. Although busy Yualiang always made time to come see me, usually to assure me that only I have his heart and that after his made my sister empress he'll definitely make me his imperial consort.

When he said this I felt my mood lift, I don't know why though....... Since I thought my feelings would go away I mean I wasn't even in genuine love with him.... Well I think-

"Tao are you ok?" Asked Wû Mu worriedly as she shook me by my shoulders, " As he said it's not mandatory to go, we can just say your sick." I shook my head "It's ok. We already missed the beginning of the wedding along with other rituals but I'm sure if we miss final part we won't hear the end of it. " Yi sighed and Wû Mu just gave me a sad smile. "Let us take our leave then."

////

Finally arriving at the main palace where the ceremony would be held I gasped at the beautiful sight. Everything was draped with red with a tint of gold. It felt as if I was in another world, it felt so surreal. Wû Mu skillfully lead me to my designated seat that was directly in front of the ceremony area. As soon as I sat down the bridal and groom parties came in.

Yualiang wore bright red wedding robes with gold embroidery, he looked as handsome as always, so much so that I wanted to sit up and go hug him but I held myself back especially after seeing my sister walking beside him. She was also clad in red with hints of gold honestly she looked beautiful and perfect at Yualiang's side. My heart felt a slight sting at the sight of the man I had grew rather fond of getting married Infront of me. Some might say I'm crazy but saying he's getting married is one thing but when your actually there and are experiencing the one person you have get taken away from you, it hurts deeply. Without realizing a single tear had slid down my cheek. I hurriedly wiped it away and luckily nobody saw me. " The bride and Groom may now bow to the heavens and earth." A sightly nasal voice said and I knew it after this he won't be mine anymore, even if he loves me I will forever be number two in his life wether I like it or not, and that's fine, I'm fine I'm - more tears spilt from my eyes, looking down I quickly wiped them off, after I was done I kept my head bowed not daring to look up cause contrary to my earlier thoughts, it does matter, it matters a lot, I can't stand it my heart aches.

I think going through torture is way better than this feeling. I clutched my right hand tightly trying to keep calm and not break down. "It is done." Said nasal voice spoke again. Without waiting for anything else I silently slipped away with the excuse of going to the restroom. After going out I ran, I left it all behind, my friends, my so called family and lastly Yualiang. I can't do this, why didn't anyone tell me that life would be so hard? Why didn't anyone tell me that loving or even liking someone is more excruciating than getting your fingers cut off one at a time. Breathing heavily I finally arrived at my court yard. I walked into my room on shaky legs closing and locking the door behind me.

Walking in I was hit with countless memories as I looked around. The table we eat at together every day, the bed we always share, I wonder if we'll still be the same after this......... I hadn't realized it before but somehow, the bastard had warmed his way into my heart and oblivious me did not notice until now.....  "Ha......haha I love him and now he's married......"  Loveless or not he was married and would spend a night with her . Hot tears flowed out freely removing the eye patch from my fully healed eye. I slid down silently weeping. My thoughts quickly went from sad to dark "why me?! What did I do to deserve this? If only- if only she wasn't born if she could only die-" I shot up remembering something, didn't she get poisoned with that incurable poison?!! If I remember correctly I had used my blood, and it was in a small quantity meant to last her for only two to three months at most.

A creepy smile made its way onto my face if it's just temporary it should be fine right? The bitch won't live long anyway. I don't know if it was my demon side showing or something else but I found these dark thoughts rather comforting. Smiling I stood up and changed into my night robes.  Laying on my bed I sighed "I truly am a psycho huh....." With that I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

Sheesh that was rather....... Too emotional on Qian Tao's side who would have thought he had already fell but did not realize, well seeing your lover get married is one way to figure out that your already head over heels oh well I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please like and comment if you found something confusing or wrong thank you 😘😘.