IN THE SILENCE: a Steve Rogers Story

7

I woke up in Steve's arms. This was nice. I haven't had this in years. He was so warm. I felt safe.

I could tell Steve was waking. His fingers softly brushed against my back.

I stayed in his arms. We both knew we were extremely thankful to have this.

But when would we open our eyes to reality?

What would happen when we get into another fight?

Whatever.

I just wanted time to stop here.

"You sleep okay?" Steve asked. His voice was low and groggy.

"Mhm." I mumbled. He chuckled.

"I'm gonna go make some coffee."

"Nooo. Stay."

"Ar."

"Please."

He sighed and relaxed. I wrapped my arm around his waist.

"This feels wrong." He whispered.

"I know."

"Aria why are we doing this?"

"Steve don't. Just stay here. Please."

He sighed and stroked my hair. I sat up and looked at him. His hair was messy. His cheeks a shade of pink.

"Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"No."

"Are you lying because if it makes you uncomfortable then we stop."

"I don't know honestly. I just...I don't wanna get feelings for you again."

"Right."

"So maybe we shouldn't do this."

"Oh."

"I hope you understand why though." He said as he moved my hair out of my face.

I flinched and got up. "I get it." I said.

"Ari don't be cold though."

I walked out of the room.

I heard Steve shuffle and follow.

"Ar-"

"No it's fine. Really. I get it."

"Aria don't start."

"Then don't lead me on."

"You told me yourself that you didn't want me to catch feelings again so I am stopping while I'm ahead! Why is that so bad?"

"Because maybe I wanna fall for someone and I want them to fall for me!" I screamed.

"No you don't Ar. Why? Because you can't commit. You've never committed to anyone in your life."

"Fuck you."

"But why can't you admit it! I know what you're like. You're using this because you're getting validation from a man, not because you like me."

"Jesus Christ just when I think you're finally sweet you bounce back. Maybe the media is right maybe you are a mysoginistic fuck that can't leave the mindset of 1945."

"You really wanna say that when all you use men for is the occasional hookup when you're too down bad to function and then you leave them in the dust? You tell yourself each time that it will be different, you want a relationship, and then nothing. Poof. You leave them." Steve said.

"Go to hell Steve."

I walked out of the kitchen and into the bathroom, looking the door.

I sunk against the floor.

Maybe I could just quit. Quit my job with shield. I have savings I could go live by myself, keep the blonde, become a librarian like I've always wanted.

Is it dangerous to dream of that? Or was I going crazy?

Whatever. I just wanted to go home.