IN THE SILENCE: a Steve Rogers Story

53

I woke up in the middle of the night to Steve getting out of bed. It was early morning. He grabbed one of his blankets, getting on the floor.

"Steve-"

"Shhh go back to sleep." He whispered.

I moved to look at him. He was laying out a blanket.

I got down on the ground as he laid back. Ever since he came back, something was up. I hadn't asked him much about what it took to put the stones somewhere, but I didn't want to either.

I got on the ground with him. He looked nervous and sad.

I held his hand softly. He had been sleeping on and off all week, nightmares, getting up before Caroline just because.

"Hey. Woah relax." I whispered. He was having a panic attack. He would always get them after a bad nightmare.

He was hyperventilating. I grabbed his hands, holding them in mine.

He just sat quietly, trying to focus on his breathing.

"Aria I can't do it." He whispered.

"Yeah you can. You've gotten through these too many times to count. It's okay."

He looked straight into my eyes. I smiled and kissed his hand.

"Momma?"

I heard Caroline. I got up and kissed Steve's head. He sniffed and looked away, out the sliding glass door.

"Hey baby. It's early. Go back to sleep?"

"Is daddy okay?" She asked as she ran over. She slipped right through me, going over to Steve.

"Hi love." He whispered. He was looking at her, tears free falling.

"Daddy what's wrong?" She asked as she wiped his tears with her blanket.

"You know how I told you that I'm really old, and I lived really long ago but got frozen?" He asked. She nodded.

"Well daddy went back. I went back to the nineteen forties and fifties. I relived a lot. I went back and did a lot actually. I changed what's called a timeline a bit. Just a little. And on that journey I saw things that I didn't wanna see. But I was curious."

"Like curious George?"

He laughed lightly. "Yeah. I umm. I saw things that really worried me. And don't tell mom but she doesn't know where I went. I'm just gonna say this. Your mom had a hard, hard life. She was treated unfairly by her dad, which is something that I promise never ever to do to you. But I tried to go and change the timeline of that, and I saw things that I shouldn't have. But I realized something. You can't change what happened to anyone. But you can change how you treat someone. Your mom is the best person in my life, besides you. I love your mom dearly, and her personality came from her past. Our lives can change our personalities. They change us. I realized that I wouldn't wanna change it. So I want you to remember that. No matter anyone's background, just love them. Just be kind."

Caroline nodded.

I just sat down on the bed.

"Mommy. What happened to you?"

I looked down at Carrie. She had those big blue eyes. I smiled as she looked at me.

"My dad was not a nice man, and my mom died when I was too young. I didn't really have parents around. I'll tell you more when you're older sweet pea."

"Okay mama." She said. "I'm going back to bed now. I was getting up for some water but then I wanted to come in here. But mom can you make dad go to sleep?"

I chuckled. "Yeah I will."

She smiled her big bright smile. "Okay. And later you and I can make pancakes for him!"

She yawned lightly. I smiled.

"Yeah. Hey if you're bored go wake up your uncle Bucky too."

She giggled and nodded.

As she walked out, I looked over at Steve.

"What did you try to do? Do not sugar coat anything steven. You need to tell me everything."

He looked up at me.

"I tried to kill your father so that you wouldn't have to in the future. And when I snuck up to the house in Michigan, he was beating you. So I couldn't do it. And I left." He said.

"Steve..."

"You looked maybe twelve. And I imagined what it would be like if I had just come in and killed him. You wouldn't have been in the fbi, which would've lead you to the avengers, which would've lead you to me. So I didn't."

I moved to pet his hair. He rested his head on my knee.

"It's been eating me up inside that I haven't told you." He whispered.

"No need. None. I get it. Whatever happened out there..it needed time to settle in. I understand." I whispered.

He got up and stood over me, pulling me into a kiss.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"Don't be." I said. "But I know our daughter is awake and I feel awful for kicking her out."

He chuckled. "I'll go grab her and she can sleep with us till the sun rises."

————

Carrie laid between her dad and I. I smiled as Steve fell asleep, holding her close to him.

I could feel our peace coming soon. Somehow, someday.

Caroline cuddled into Steve more. Whether Steve would admit it or not, she was a daddy's girl.

And she had the best dad in the world, so I couldn't blame her.

I cherished moments like these, knowing that I could lose both of them at any point. They were my loves. My rocks.

If I lost them...god who knows.

But for now I was gonna take it. I was gonna spend my time with my husband and daughter. Because right now, my life was something that others dreamed about.

So I kept the moment for myself.