IN THE SILENCE: a Steve Rogers Story

29

We all stood around in the circle listening to plans.

"So aria. You gonna talk about this hydra thing?" Clint asked.

I sighed. "I was a kid. I didn't know."

"You killed your father?" Thor asked.

"I was forced to. But I guess it paid off."

"But what about your mom-"

"Guys! Enough." Steve said.

He was the only one that knew a smidge. Not much.

I looked down and held the table.

————

We worked until dawn. Finding anything on how this happened. A fluke in the system.

I was waiting for Tony and Bruce. Maria was sitting next to me.

I looked down the hallway. I saw Steve's stare. He motioned for me to come over. I stood up quietly.

I knew that everyone was too tired to realize.

I walked down the hall and turned, finding him in the corridor.

I walked over to him. He immediately pulled me into the closet.

"Is this necessary?"

He said nothing the whole time. He rested his head down on my shoulder and put his hands around my waist.

"Steve-"

"You broke my heart ar." He mumbled.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just- with the whole thing with my parents in the dream. I don't know how to love and I wanted to be honest. I never meant to hurt you. Ever."

He was rubbing my lower back. I felt the tears from my eyes threatening to spill.

I rubbed the back of his neck. He sighed, his breath shaky.

I pulled him in more. He wrapped his arms fully around me.

"Teach me how to love." I whispered.

"I thought I had been."

"You have. Keep going." I whispered. I pulled him away.

He sighed and looked at me.

"I'm sorry. I'm trying to learn to love you unconditionally. I'm almost positive I do. It's just after the dream and my parents, I don't wanna love you the wrong way."

He nodded. "Okay."

I pulled him into another hug. He wrapped his arms tight around me. I kissed his cheek and rested my head in the crook of his neck.

"I still think we need time." He said.

I tensed. "Okay."

He lifted his hands and took his dog tag out from under my shirt and took it off. He stuffed it in his pocket and stared at me.

My chin quivered. This was it.

"Please don't leave." I whispered.

"I think you need some time to yourself aria. I'm not punishing you. I'm just saying."

I felt my knees wanting to give out. I turned around from him as I felt the sobbing coming on.

I hugged myself as I felt the tears stream. Steve came over.

"Steve- you should go." I sobbed.

"Hey you're-"

"I fucking know I'm shaking!" I sobbed.

Steve said nothing and pulled me in. I tried to fight off but we both ended up on the floor.

Steve kept his arms around me. I was stuck and hyperventilating.

"Steve- t-this doesn't- help." I sobbed.

He took his arms off of me and held my hands. I was on his lap facing him.

"Deep breaths."

I just sobbed more. He moved my head to his shoulder and rubbed my back.

I tried to stop my sobbing and shaking. I was still trying for air.

Steve sat me up and kissed my lips. I didn't know why he did.

But I think it helped.

After a few seconds he pulled away. I was still shaking but I could breathe a little better.

"Aria. I'm gonna be honest and I'm not trying to be mean. I'm asking for a break only because you care too much about our relationship to the point that you're killing your self and you don't even realize."

I stared at him. He had tears in his eyes.

"I can't even look at you when you're so set on pleasing me. But you have nothing to prove. That's what breaks my heart. I get that you don't know what love is. I'll help you it's okay. But you need to focus on yourself too. I don't know if that's with or without me."

I looked down and closed my eyes.

"I would like it to be with you. Because if not I think I will get to the point that I'll end up accidentally killing myself."

He nodded and kissed my temple. "You're not going on this mission." He said.

"But Steve-"

"You can fly the quinjet for us. That's it."

I stared off into space.

"Okay." I said.

He moved my hair behind my ear and sighed. "I want to keep you safe."

"I know."

He rested his forehead against mine. "I'll do anything to keep you safe. Even if it means having to leave you."