IN THE SILENCE: a Steve Rogers Story

22

We got back to the hotel. I took off my shoes and cardigan. I grabbed some sweats and a long sleeve and threw them on. Steve sat on the bed.

"You okay?" I asked him. I knew he wasn't.

"Yeah I'm fine." He lied. What a fucking liar. Why doesn't he just tell me the truth?

I sighed and sat down on the couch and pulled out my phone.

"You wanna go out tonight?" I asked.

"Well I would but you look like you just wanna stay in from the outfit you changed into." He said. He scrolled through the channels on the tv.

"Well I can change-"

"-just order in."

I nodded softly.

I stayed on the couch. I felt myself getting angry. I know I shouldn't be jealous of Peggy. No offense but she's practically a corpse. But the second he looked at her... it's like he forgot about me.

Just friends? The team knows. We decided to just be open about our relationship. That wasn't open.

"I think I'm gonna go out." I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"I don't know I hate being cooped in hotels."

"Suit yourself."

"Do you wanna come with?" I asked.

"Not really." He said. He hadn't even looked at me.

"Okay. Call me if you need anything."

He nodded while looking at the tv. I grabbed my phone and wallet and left.

I didn't know where I was going. I just needed to get out.

————

I ended up going to a bar. It was half a block from the hotel.

And four drinks in, I was feeling it.

"Another round?" Then bartender asked as she dried a cup.

"Not sure." I said.

"Aren't you that avenger?" She asked.

"Guilty." I said.

She smiled and gave me another brandy on the rocks. "On the house." She said.

"Thanks." I said.

"What's got you down tonight?" She asked. She had tattoos on her arms. She looked strong.

"My boyfriends a fucking dick." I said.

"Preaching to the choir." She said and made a drink for someone.

"And he's probably not gonna be happy that I'm out this late and drinking." I said.

"What's the problem what did he do?"

"He's stuck in the past. And I think he's in love with someone else." I said.

"Yikes." She said.

"Do I just give him the sex of his life and call it a night?"

"No. He doesn't deserve that. I think you should get your pretty ass home and talk to him. Show him that he can either wear the pants in the relationship, or he can get the hell out of your life." She said.

I chuckled. "God I wish it was that easy. But I work with him."

"Like avengers stuff?" She asked. I gave her a smile.

"Yeah." I said.

"Jesus. Somehow I wanna know but I also don't." She said.

"I feel like I gave it away when I said a few things."

"Stuck in the past of course. Captain America." She said. I nodded.

"Did his dick change with the serum?"

"Yeah." I said and chuckled. "Anddd I'm over sharing. Can I have my tab?" I asked.

"It's on the house girl." She said.

"You don't have to-"

"-Go show captain America whos really boss." She said. I grabbed my things.

"Thank you. You made my night." I said.

"Good. Have a good night." She said.

I waved before walking out. I could feel the buzz in my body.

I walked back to the hotel. I used the key to get in. Steve was still watching tv. The lights were off and so was his shirt.

"I called you three times." He said as he watched the tv. I came over and shut the tv off.

"What-"

"-why are you so cold?" I asked.

"I'm not." He said. "Are you drunk?"

"Yes. That's not important." I said. "Answer my question. No more lies."

He looked at me. Nothing.

"You have one minute to fucking talk, or I'm walking out. I'm serious Steve. I'm not playing any fucking games. Is it because you're still in love with Peggy?" I asked.

His expression softened. He looked sorry.

I set down the remote. I went to go grab my bag.

"No- hey wait." He said. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to look at him. We were close. I looked up at him.

"I don't know my feelings." He said.

"Do you still have feelings for me?"

"Of course."

"But are you in love with me?"

He stared in my eyes. His blue ones studying mine.

He pulled me into a kiss. His hand immediately finding its place on my cheek, trailing down onto my jaw.

I didn't kiss him back at first.

He pulled away. "Kiss me back." He said.

"No."

He pushed me up against the nearest wall.

"Kiss me the fuck back." He whispered before kissing my neck.

He never swore. Let alone fuck.

I looked away as he kissed my neck. I couldn't fall in.

Steve pulled away and looked at me. "I still have feelings for you." He said.

"That wasn't my fucking question."

"I can't answer you on the one you want."

"Have I been doing this all for nothing then? What have I been doing the past three months? Do you know how much it took for me to realize that I had feelings for you? I pushed you away for ages."

"That's not my fault." He said.

"It's not your fault that I put work into our relationship? It's not your fault? I cared about you and all you say is 'that's not my fault?' Go fuck yourself steve." I said as I pushed him off of me.

"That's not what I meant! Jesus aria. I mean that you pushed me away. I loved you and you knew that. And instead you and Tony laughed about it. I was just out of the ice. I don't know this world. You fucking laughed!" He said.

"What was I supposed to do? Date my colleague?"

"What are you doing now?"

"I worked on it. I agreed on making us official and public and then you tell an old skeleton that we're just friends because you loved her seventy years ago!"

"Don't talk about her that way!" Steve said.

"You're in love with someone that lived their life. She had a child. She was married. She was in love with another man whether you like it or not. I hate to say it but guess what?" I said as I grabbed the compass from his pocket. I opened it. "She's not gonna save you. And guess what...I'm not her." I said. "So I'm done."

I opened his palm and put the compass in it.

And I left.