Yours, Forever

Chapter 41

Madison clutched at the sheets she lay in, her hands shaking as she tried to control her breathing.

She had woken up with a start from a nightmare she was having, and now she just couldn't stop herself from thinking so much about it.

She didn't remember the full details of the dream, but it had brought tears to her eyes, and even till now they wouldn't stop coming. It had put Madison in a sombre mood and made her start to think of so many things; her family, New York, her baby...

Her hand instinctively came to rest on her stomach where the small baby bump had been, and Madison shut her eyes tightly, her body racking with sobs as she began to cry.

She felt...sorry for herself, for everything. Every time she reminisced about the past, she wondered if things could have gone differently.

She missed those days where she didn't have a care in the world. Those days when she could wake up and not have to worry about anything at all - what to eat, or how to pay bills. Those days when she could run to her mother when things started to go wrong, explain everything to her solely companion and be listened too. Those days when she didn't feel saddened yet responsible for her miscarriage...

Madison clapped a hand over her mouth, as she tried to muffle the sound of her sobs while she cried, the tears from her cheeks dripping to the sheets below.

Her eyes were swollen and red by the time her tears subsided, and with shaky legs Madison stood up from her small foam and wobbled out of her room, and into the bathroom which was a close spot from her building.

Once there she splashed cold water over her face, willing herself not to cry anymore, trying to be strong no matter how impossible that sounded.

When she had gotten a grip on herself, she slowly began to sponge her body down... carefully, almost as if she was trying to ease the pain.

When the sponge came to her stomach once again, her hand hovered for a few moments, and she froze all of a sudden.

Of all the memories she had from the past, the miscarriage was the most painful ever. Probably because of the fact that she would never be able to...

Madison stopped herself, shaking her head, and trying to dissuade the thoughts as she continued to bathe herself.

When she was done, and already leaving the toilet she dragged herself surly into the safe confines of her home, and after dressing up she prepared herself a hot cup of coffee.

Grabbing some of the leftover bread from before, she began to munch the tardy mixture away trying to focus on it. The food tasted like dust in her mouth, but Madison was not so keen on it.

Apart from the fact that she was doing this to stray her thoughts, she also knew that her body needed food so she stuffed the bread and poured the bitter coffee all into her mouth till it was done.

Some minutes after she was done eating, she sprawled over the bed.

It was weekend and so she did not have work today.

She was supposed to be happy, as this was her free day but for the first time, Madison wished she worked on the weekends, because at least it would mean she was so busy she didn't even have to think about anything.

Shaking her head once more, she grabbed her phone, lazily scrolling through in search of something to do.

Her fingers froze over the screen as she suddenly remembered something, and she sighed heavily.

She still had not told Alvarez about the letters, she had sent and the fact that she still hadn't gotten any response. Quickly before she had a chance to change her mind, Madison dialed his number.