What a drag to love you like I do {Damiano David}

26 - Seen

TW: sh, panick attack.

I sat in the hotel room re-thinking all my life. I was in Serbia, cuz I asked for the first possible flight without knowing where it would take me. I wanted to run away from everything and everyone. It of course hurt a lot to leave everything behind, especially those five people. I know i'll regret it, but i try not to think about it too much right now.

I put the letter under the door and went out of the hotel with hot tears on my cheeks. I sat in the taxi and went to the airport. I waited for the first flight to Italy, i knew the were flying rarely since it's far from here. Luckily today plane flew to Italy, the next one will fly only in 2 days.

***

I just landed, first thing i did was go to må house and Dami's house to collect my things. Luckily i had a spare keys. I took all of my things that were there went to my own house. I also got all my stuff packed.
I walked into the garage and found a big empty sign. I brought it as a decoration some years ago, but now it will have a different job. I took a waterproof marker in case it will rain, and wrote "on sale" in big letters. I took a hammer and pushed the sign in front of my house. I wasn't planning on coming back here anytime soon anyways.

***

After that i sat in the taxi with all of my stuff and while driving i brought a ticket, to Serbia. I mean who would think that I would just go there.

While driving i remembered café and i asked the taxi draver to stop by it.

I opened the car door and stepped in front of my life saver. The cafe. The place where i met my bestfriend. Where i met the love of my life. As this thought came to my mind the tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it and went inside.

I was welcomed with a man with a wide smile on his face. "Sweetie, you came earlier, Olivia said you're leaving for a longer time". "hello, Fernando, plans changed i have flight in some hours". "Oh so, why you're he-" he looked at me confused "I'm quitting, I moving out of Italy". He just looked at me and nodded slowly. "I won't ask anything, i just hope that you're ok" he came closer and hugged me.

I just hugged him back and left Italy for good...

I sat on the hotel bed thinking about everything. Do anyone cares about me? Did Damiano red the letter? Does he know the truth? Do I know the truth? While thinking i fell into deep sleep.

***

I woke up and looked around the unfamiliar room. I had no energy to do anything at all.
After a moment I got myself together and managed to get outta bed. I stepped in a cold shower. I felt nice cold water hit my hair and soon enough covered my body. All i wanted to do right now was scream as loud as I can.
I didn't even noticed as my legs felt numb and i fell on my knees in the shower.

I came here, to Serbia to live a better life, to be happy. But it seems like everyting is going opposite way. I'm feeling way worse. WAY worse.

My tears were flowing down my eyes like waterfalls. I lost my breath and i pressed myself to the cold tiled wall but it didn't help a bit. For a minute i thought that this is the way i'll loose my life: i will run out of oxygen in the shower...

My whole body was shaking. To be honest i couldn't even feel my body from the cold water anymore. I took some deep breaths. It helped me a bit.

I managed to turn off the water and crawl out of the shower. My eyes were still full of tears. I went to the room and put my underwear and oversized shirt on. I went back to the bathroom. I watched myself in the mirror. What's happening? Why Am I like this?

I wiped my tears and looked down to the counter. My eyes layed on a razor blade. I quickly looked up to avoid any negative thoughts.

I felt as my breathing became quicker, I closed me eyes and quickly took the blade into my hand. I realised what i'm doing and placed it back on the counter and hugged myself tightly. I don't deserve this..

But the negative part of my mind was only motivating me to do so. Really, you don't? Why do you think Damiano didn't help you? Because he wished all of this to happen to you. If he would be here he would secretly be happy about you doing this. You deserve it, you bitch.

I started crying once again. I took the blade in my hand again. With shaking hands i placed it on my wrist. I felt the blood driping from my wrist onto the ground, but i didn't feel the pain at all.

I looked at my wrist all covered with blood. I was shocked by my own action. I threw the razor blade in the trash bin and ran out of the bathroom.

I picked a random shirt of mine and wrapped it around my bloody hand. Calm down I said to myself.

***

I dressed up. I took care of my damaged wrist earlier. I wore big hoodie and jeans.

First i went to the store to buy myself a new phone. After I logged in my socials my instagram lagged from amount of dm's. Lots of them were from Damiano, Vic, Thomas and Ethan. I accidently opened Damiano's messages. But since i did i just got into reading them.

Ykaaar

Baby, shit i'm so sorry, i just red you're letter. Vica hates me, so does Ethan. I'm sorry i won't forgive myself for doing this to you, come back :(

I love you so so so much <3

Come back to me.

Where are you??? I'm worried for you...

PLEASE, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU??? I JUST SEARCHED WHOLE ITALY FOR YOU, AND FERNANDO JUST TOLD ME THAT YOU'RE NOT EVEN HERE? PLEASE I'M BEGGIN YOU, DON'T DO THIS TO ME, I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT U, I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING, IF U WON'T GIVE ME ANY TYPE OF SIGN, I WILL ANNOUNCE YOU AS A MISSING PERSON.... Please, you can not hurt me like that, baby

Are you ok? Please write me back, i can't do it like this...

I just took a deep breath. Them BAM i saw him go active and three dots appeared on a screen meaning he's writing. I quickly blocked him, turned off my location and put the phone in my pocket.

D A M I A N O

I was sitting in my hotel room. I came back to america, with the same jet I flew to Italy to search for my Bella. I felt like shit. Everyone now hated me for hurting the person i love the most. Well i can't blame them, cuz i hate myself too. Since I red a letter, Bella didn't left my mind even for 0.0001sec.

My phone got a notification. I didn't really pay attencion to it, thinking it's just manager wanting to talk about the concert i skipped yesterday, but I'm not in the mood. But something in me just told me to check.

I opened my phone and saw notification from Instagram. I opened it and saw my messages to Bella go from
Sent to seen my heart skipped a beat, and i felt a little hope flashing in my heart. At least she's ok. I started typing her, but as soon as i was about to send it..she blocked me. FUCK.

I felt how hot tears were streaming down my face. I lost her, but not for good as other says. Nothing will be good without her. How should I have to go and amuse other people on stage, when i feel like i'm dying inside....

I thought for a minute while staring at my phone screen, which now was a photo of Bella and made a decision which will change a lot now...
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Anyways here's a new chapter,hope ya'll liked it😌