CHAPTER 1
FIVE YEARS AGO
MKULEKO
“Lead from the heart, not the head." His mother would always say. He looks at her picture and sighs, closing his eyes. Living the life, he is living has never been his dream. He was an A student growing up. He really doesn’t know what happened to him. At some point his mother and teachers believed that he would be something when he grew up. He was and still finds it hard to believe that Mkhusekli, his brother, is the one making it to the next level while he is stuck in these walls of Jerico. Not that he has anything against his brother making it and all. He was just too slow with books. Guess it’s true when they say the ones who fail the most in school are the ones that make in in life.
“You have a visitor.” A tiny voice brings him to where his body is. His mind was in too deep. More like beating a dead horse. With his feet leaning against the wall and with his body facing the roof. He slowly removes them off the wall and sits up straight. He has never had a visitor before ever since he had been locked up for the past five years.
“Who is it?” he asks the warden with his throat imbibing down the droplets of his saliva.
“I’m not you messenger.” The warden clicks his tongue and opens the gate for him. With his own sweet time, he finally stands up and adjusts his pants down and follows the warden. Maybe it’s one of the boys that works for him. He thinks. Approaching the visiting area, he finds Mkhuseli his younger brother, waiting for him.
“What are you doing here?” His voice laced with anger. He roughly pulls the chair and sits down. Mkhuseli just looks at him without saying a word. He never really wanted his family to visit him here in prison. So, he banned them from ever visiting him. He hates it when they get to see his weak, helpless side of him.
“I came to check up on my brother. Is that a crime?” he says and leans backwards on the chair. They look at each other for quite some time. They sure look alike. But Mkuleko is the hardheaded one while Mkhuseli is the soft, kind, loving gentleman.
“Why are you here Mkuseli?” His voice is much calmer now.
“I told you. I am here to check up on my brother. Again, I ask. Is it a crime?” Mkhuleko shakes his head and smiles a bit. He has forgotten how much of a nuisance his brother can be.
“How is mother doing?” He asks. That question leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Mkhuseli sighs. His elbows being placed on the table and his hands being clasped together.
“She is doing okay. Just missing her son. The prodigal son for that matter.” Mkhuleko chucks.
“How is business going?” Rather ask about business than hear how his mother is struggling without his presence.
Mkhuseli goes on about how the business is going. On the other hand, he is very happy that he decided for Mkhuselui to start a family business. He is a hustler. Being in the office and wearing suits is not for him at all. He loves the dangerous life. The dangerous game. He plays his life like chess, and he always wins. With all the menacing features, this life was made for him one way or another. The reason for his arrest – is a story for another day.
He would say his day has gone way better than expected. Seeing his brother has made him realize that family is everything. With him being behind bars is a completely different story. It’s not the life he envisioned when growing up but definitely the life he enjoys living. Running, guns have always been his favorite until he came to terms of living in the dream. It’s not a walk in the park as he always thought. His phone beeps. He knows the sound of it. He pulls it out of his pocket and reads through the text. The mission still stands even with him being behind bars. He smiles a little. He expunges the message on his phone and slips the phone back into his pocket. The avocation has begun!
KHANYSILE
The man is looking deep into my eyes, confessing his undying love for me. I am melting beneath him. The sparkle in his eyes left me wanting more of him. I want him to tell me every second that I mean more to him. Each stroke sends different ardor and different messages. We look at each other deep into the eyes. The love and euphoria. I close my eyes and let him worship my body the way he does the best.
“Light.” He growls hitting it deeper in me making me scream in pleasure. I feel completely present and in the moment.
“Babe.” My voice is so soft. The smile on his face makes my heart ease a bit. The man who loves me beyond anything in this world.
“I love you.” He confesses. Who would not love a man who is this much good in bed?
“I love you more.” I mumble beneath him. The pace quickens and I know when he is about to release. And indeed, his sperms swim all the way up in me. He collapses on top of me and takes a deep breath. He kisses my neck and unplugs himself out of me...
“Khanyisile maan!” The banging on the door jolts me out of my comfort zone of the pleasure land. I hate my mother for doing this to me. Doesn’t she get to have wet dreams or doesn’t her husband pleasure her enough for he to stay in her lane and out of my business. I take a deep breath. I look at my phone a see a text message from him
*Have a good day my love* I read through the text and smile. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I date a man that is cute as him. Now I have found the strength to get out of this bed. I yank the blankets off my body and finally get off the bed. My feet land on the icy cold tiles. I should wear socks when waking up. This I pure torture for me. I need to prepare for school. Sighs!
Realizing that I am going to school, my mood has just died down. I feel my heart mutilate a million pieces. I look at myself in the mirror and sigh. Going to school at times for me is just pointless. The gape I get whenever set foot into the school premises, it’s just dispiriting and daunting. But I have to go to school either way. I fix my tie and tuck my shirt neatly. I love how my school uniform looks on me. I can’t wait to finish high school and face the outside world.
“Khanyisile! Your father is leaving!” That is my mother MaNgcobo screaming at the top of her lungs. I wonder where she gets the strength to do so with such a tiny mouth and a squeaky voice. I adjust my glasses and look at myself again. I don’t know why I wear glasses because my eyesight is just blurry even with them. I tried lenses on, but it was the worst decision ever. It always made my eyes itchy and swollen. Doctors recommended glasses that will strengthen my eyes. A condition I do not wish even on my worst enemy. At times, I may squint or rub my eyes, especially in bright sunlight, once they start feeling the occasional drifting of the eye. I still don’t understand as to why God tested me and gave me this eye condition. Exotropia is an eye turn where one eye points outwards...
“Khanyisile!” God, now my mother has made my whole family scream their lungs out.
“Ngiyeza.” I angrily drag my bag off my bed and groan in annoyance. I open the door and put on the widest smile of fakeness.
“That fake smile will not work with me ntombazane.” My sister Thabi and her annoyance.
“I’m sorry.” I say dropping my eyes. Sometimes it bugs me when I look at people. It’s the low self-esteem I have. Most people just get lost in my eyes while having a conversation with them.
“Mum has spoiled you way too much. Go to school.” Thabi. I walk past her, and my tongue is so itchy to give her the hardest click of them all. I pass by the kitchen to grab my lunch bag. MaNgcobo looks at my face more like she is reading me.
“Why are your eyes swollen?” she asks with worry written all over her face. I don't want to stress when she is already stressing. My health has been her burden since she delivered me into this world. I hate how she hurts when I hurt.
“They were itchy this morning.” I responded by grabbing a bottle of water.
“Do they hurt?”
“No.” I lie. I let out a shy smile looking at her. I stride my legs towards the door, but she stops me.
“You do know that I see right through you, right?”
“Yes mother. Bye mother.” I run out of the house before she could lecture me the whole day. One of the reasons why me and my older sister don’t get along. She claims I take all the time and love from our mother, and she doesn’t get non. Which is absurd. I know very well for a fact that MaNgcobo loves the both of us equally. I get into the car. I always feel conformable sitting my arse in the back seat. My family doesn’t understand. At some point I feel like the front seat doesn’t suit me the way it should. My father has tried multiple times to talk me into it, but God damn front seat will never be my seat.
“Still don’t like seating next to your father?” he asks as he fastens his seatbelt. I smile and look at the side of the window. He drives out of the yard, and I sigh heavily. Now I will have to face all of the trouble.
“Call me if you need me.” I hate how my father Ngcobo treats me. It’s like I am fragile glass that will break in no time.
“I will be fine Baba.” I smile trying to assure him that all is fine.
“That smile will never fool me. It can fool your mother but not me. Call me if anything happens.” He says and takes out fifty-rand notes from his pocket. I accept it with both hands and jump off his car. I take a deep breath, looking at the school yard and looking at my father's car leaving me behind. I feel my eyes glistening with tears. I wipe them. I am a big girl and big girls don’t cry. I school bell rings.
“Chomie!” Amanda. One of the closest friends I have, we have been friends since – I even fail to remember when. Now that I see her, my heart is content. She gives me a bone crushing hug. Her hugs have always been warm.
“I can't breathe.” I tell her.
“Sorry. Just missed you. We had a long weekend, and it was draining.” She speaks. This one is always complaining even about unnecessary things. She comes from a not so good background. But her heart is something that lured me to her. What is mine is hers. The friendship we have is the friendship I always prayed a wished for. To have a friend who understands the situation I'm in. And not a friend who pities me.
“Wait. Remember that t-shirts you said you wanted?” She looks at me with her eyes narrowed. I hate it when she doesn't because I know exactly what it means.
”What about it?”
“I got if for you.” I strap my school bag off my shoulders. She is still looking at me like I have lost my mind or so. “Here.” I hand her the plastic. She grabs it from my hand and gasps in shock.
“Light!” Yes, I’m being called light whenever she's beyond happy. I know for sure that tears will follow. And indeed, they do. If I don’t pull her hand from these grounds. Knowing her she will extol till Jesus come back.
“Thank you.” She wipes her tears and shoves her t-shirt into her school bag. I smile.
“Now let's go before Mangethe comes barking.” Mangethe is our school principal who always has a sour face.
Entering the class, we find everyone already seated with the register being marked. Miss Nkambule pauses for a second and looks at me from head to toe. This woman never liked me from the get-go. If I was her age, I would defiantly say I took her man.
“Yin, did you misplace the class?” she asks, with her voice filled with so much hatred. I am taken back by her statement; everyone finds it amusing. I feel Amanda squeezing my hand a bit. I look at her and she is looking back at me. I take a deep breath and prepare myself to go sit down. I will not entertain her. Miss Nkambuke clicks her tongue and continues to mark the register. How can I possibly misplace the class? I have been so confused.
The day seems to be going slow. It’s not even lunch break but already I want to be home and be with my mother. I love my sister even though we sometimes get on each other's toes. Well, practically it’s her that gets be on my never all the time. I bite my pen. Everything is moving so slowly. I feel a pinch on my thigh. It’s Amanda who is giving me those spooked eyes. I trail my eyes towards the direction she is looking in. And there he is. Our school garden boy. I feel my stomach growing bubbles. The smile on my face. Amanda clears her throat and pinches me once more. I am so glued to him.
“Friend.” She whispers. My mind just went blank looking at him. “That is not the way to look at a man.” She whispers making me to come back to reality. I am in class. I should pull myself together. Our eyes meet and he shyly smiles looking towards the door. Miss Nkambule hands him a bunch of seeds. I don’t understand why Skhosane still works here in school when he has a degree in finance. I bite my pen and think of the cute babies we will have in the future. Amanda's pinches me again and half smiles. Most students are looking at me like I have lost my mind or something. I clear my throat and take a deep breath. I need to pull myself together. Skhosane looks at me briefly before he walks out with a wide smile on his face. I should tell him about the wet dreams I keep on having about him, they are driving me insane. Skhosane and I met in town. I could say it was love at first sight. He asked me out and I agreed to date him. And we have been at it for three years. I met him when I was only fifteen. I know it may sound absurd, but I love the man. I am just ready to give him my all, but man is waiting for the right time and day to claim me. The only person who understands my emotion and what goes through this small head of mine. And Of Course Amanda. Miss Nkambule turns to face my direction, but my eyes drop down to my books.
She scoffs. “Men will never entertain you., They day you have a boyfriend will rain biscuits.” That touched a nerve. She sits down like she never said something adversity. I just feel guilty without any reason. I may be hurt by her words. She always has something bad to say to me and about me. She always has a way to bring my spirit down. I just have a loss of spiritual vitality and joy when I am here in school. I slowly close my books. I am ready to be out of here. With the unrestrained burst of laughter in this class I don’t think I will make it thought-out the day. I harshly close my books and shove them in my bag. If I had the power, I would have spewed what I feel inside. I run out of the class with tears blinding my vision. I hear Skhosane shouting my name from afar. I don’t mind turning. My aim here is to be far away from this place as badly as possible. I am out of plans. Standing outside the gate looking in all directions had me thinking of myself when I was growing up. Alot happened. That I ended up trying to commit suicide but that attempt failed. I feel footsteps approaching. I turn around finding Amanda and Skhosane running towards me. I don’t think twice before crossing the road without checking. A loud bag interacts with my body landing me oppressively on the ground. Everything becomes fuzzy...
