THE OTHER BROTHER
CHAPTER 47
SKHOSANE
Fighting the urge to think about the news. This is leading to tension in my stomach, shoulders, and chest. A distraction from completing tasks. I can’t even submit the document required at work and the deadline has passed. Shock and disbelief-Immediately after hearing the news. Amanda dropped a bombshell there unexpectedly. How will I recover from this. Already I have a baby on the way. Thabi and I are now fine. We resolved our issues like adults. I was surprised when she told me that she doesn’t mind me dating Amanda. Khanyi on the other hand. I haven’t heard anything from her. Not that I don’t want to but…
“The water is so cold.” Amanda says wiping her body. My eyes drop onto her flat stomach. I feel my heart thud harshly against my chest. I look at her and I notice that her eyes are puffy. It must be the conversation we had earlier on. I am just trying to put her in line before it’s too late. I hate it that she must compare herself with Khanyi by actions all the time. She slips into her PJs after lotioning her body. She gets in bed and goes under the covers. I get it. It was the way I talked to her that made her like this. Her mood is not of the best like other days. Maybe if I had a different approach to the matter maybe it would have been better anyway. I take a deep breath and place my laptop aside. I will see this in the morning. I am having a crisis here and I am not even too sure how to tackle it. She is sleeping with her back facing me. I hold her from behind and hold her tight.
“I am sorry for hearting your feelings. But that is just me being raw onto the truth. I want you to find yourself and be the Amanda I know. Not this girl I do not know.”
“I am not…”
“Shhh. I am still talking. Go back to the old Amanda that was humble and sweet. You were once sweet and I loved that. I want the caring girl that I first met. The one that was outspoken and never jealous. Can you think you can bring that Amanda back?” I ask. I may not be inlove with her but I care about her. She makes me feel alive but these past few months have been one issue after another. I sometimes believe that I gave her that upper hand that the love might be the same. It can never be the same. They are two different people with different characters.
“I hear you. On the other hand I don’t hate her. I sometimes feel like I am out of her league and she doesn’t deserve me as a friend.” She sniffs. “I fail to do anything for her but she does all the things for me. Another thing – I feel like you still love her more than you love me. Given an opportunity to be with her, you would jump to the opportunity and leave me hanging like I never mattered.” She adds. Maybe I was over doing it. It’s time I accept that I will not have Khanyi back. It’s time I love her from a distance. I should try opening my heart to Amanda, hopefully it will be the best.
“Only one thing that makes a friendship work. Honesty my dear sister. Lies, money and hate cannot build a friendship. But honesty can.” I tell her. I hear her exhale out loud. “Ow and Khanyi and I will never be. We both have moved on. She’s happy and I am too.” Am I truly happy? Only time will tell in due course.
“I hear you. I just miss her. I think I went about it the wrong way. Is it too late to try and amend things?” She asks. I can hear that she means it. I smile. At least we are making some progress. Maybe just maybe I will learn to love her the right way. The pregnancy. Sighs!
“I don’t know. I guess we will see how it goes. But try talking to her and you pouring your heart out. She doesn’t have a bad heart – that I know. So, are you truly indeed pregnant?” I ask.
“The result came back positive.” Part of me wanted her to reply with a big 'no’. The consequences of not being responsible enough. My mother would be really disappointed in me. She was disappointed that we broke things off with Thabi – making matters worse she was highly disappointed that she is pregnant with two kids from two fathers. Now adding this to the equation. She will really think I am irresponsible.
“I don’t know how to even react to this. We were both irresponsible. My mother would be highly disappointed in me.” I say with a deep sigh. “With Thabi being pregnant too. I don’t know what to tackle what with what and I don’t know what to do.” I can’t cut myself into two pieces. My life is a mess. A young man with so many troubles.
“I can have an abortion if this is going to be a burden on you.”
“What did you say?” I am dismayed and offended. Me complaining of irresponsibility doesn’t mean I want my child to be aborted .
“If you think it will much burden to you – we can abort and…”
Yes, I am not happy, but no one is having an abortion. “I am not killing my child.” I get off the bed. How dare she thinks little of my child. “Do you think before you talk?” I am in a fitting rage. Couldn’t she have asked in another manner. Or better yet shut the hell up!
“I thought that maybe it’s what you wanted.”
“You know what I don’t have time for this.”
She is childish and I hate it! I storm out of the room leaving her weeping like a widow. I need a breather. I need to breath and forget about this nonsense for a second. I look at the shinning stars – so, I am going to be a of two. Still finding it hard to believe. Maybe God is punishing me in a way. I need to call Khanyi and apologise. Better yet meet up with her directly. I look at my phone- anticipating with my thoughts whether to call Thabi or not. I know she is matured enough. If I beg her to set up a meeting with Khanyi I would be very delighted. I am just throwing myself at this point. I hope she will forgive for what I did. I can’t seem to move on with my lofe without adding her in the picture. My heart is still held on to her.
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Kind enough, Thabi managed to secure the ‘date of apology’ with Khanyi. I spray my expensive cologne and smile widely looking at myself in the mirror. I just want her to see the man she dated and not an enemy. That girl still holds a special place in my heart. And to be honest – I will never move on from her
“Do you want me to come with you?” Amanda and her insecurities. Today is a new dat and I don’t her ruining it for me
“What did I say?” I ask. She turns sour and sits on the bed. She still needs to figure herself out. This doesn’t need her.
“You said I must focus on myself first and try to rebuild my heart.”
“I’m glad you still remember. We shouldn’t fight about this. I swore to make us work but looks like I’m fighting that battle alone.”
My mood ha died down. Her tears don’t move me. She can cry all she wants. I am getting to that point where I am beginning to get tired
