THE OTHER BROTHER
CHAPTER 27
AMANDA
DEAR DIARY – 04/10/2023
“I know I may sound selfish as we speak but the heart wants what it wants. Skhosane has been my imaginary boyfriend to husband for as long as I can remember. How can one make up their imaginary future husband only to find out that they truly exist. I know some may believe that I am selfish in a way but truly speaking I saw him first. The minute my eyes landed on him - I knew right then that this man right there is for me. My matchmaker from heaven. I made him in my dreams. But God had to play hero and snap that out of my hands just like that. I am hurt no lies, but I try so hard to forget that I have been cheated on. This life has no balance, and the balance has never been me. Today I will take the initiative to forget the husband I have created in my dreams. Today I decided to let go of what was never mine in the first place. I hope he will forgive me in a year's time – forgive me that I did not fight for our love, and I did not fight for what is truly mine. Today I decided to snap out of the living thoughts of mine and be free. Hopefully, I will create another me of what I truly want.”
I take a deep breath and close my diary shoving it under the mattress. I know Khanyi never really looks for anything underneath the mattress unless she is told. My heart is heavy and broken. I have lost him to yet again to another woman. I should snap out of my world and live big. Too many of them in Durban but no one is the perfect match that comes close to him. I want someone who is strong as him. With his perfect color skin. He may not be the most handsome man on earth, but he completes me in a way. A way that I only know. It’s only my mother that can provide the best advice. Her phones ring multiple times before she picks up.
“Sana lwami.” She greets. The smile on my face brings tears into my eyes. I blink multiple times and control my emotions.
“Mama.”
“What is the matter?” She asks. I close my eyes – tears drop from one after another. This woman knows when her daughter is troubled.
“He is now married to another girl.” I blurted out. Silence fills the air.
I can hear her sigh. I know she can get tired of my nagging ways. But I can't help it. My man is out there enjoying his time of his life and while I am here waiting for him to recognize me. “I believe now that you have realized that happiness hardly comes by wanting to be happy. The obvious thing is to not want to be happy. For so long – I know that you have always wanted to be happy and now is not your time, my baby. Wena nje just focus on your nooks and make sure that you ace in all corners. I want to see you wearing that black gown. Men shall follow.”
Her encouraging words put a smile on my face. I am happy no lies. She makes me happy always. “And another thing. Don’t let this ruin your one and only true friendship. I told you a long time ago to let your heart pass on this one. You will find your own child. This one was never yours in the start.” She tells me. I take a deep breath. She is right. I can't let my feelings for Skhosane ruin what we have with Khanyi. I love her, I honestly do. She is like a sister I never had.
“I hear you mama.”
“How is everything?” I know her gossip mix well. Me sharing how girls in Durban make money shocks her to the core. I am not judging – everyone has their own situation going on. I don’t know what led these beautiful ladies into selling their bodies for R50 in the streets.
I am in a better mood after a word with my mother. Tired of doing some revisions. I just want to go out and have that scrumptious ice-cream. MacDonalds will kill me one day. I hear laughter of a voice I am familiar with. My eyes rome around until I spotted a family on some table. My eyes are glued on a wealthy man sitting across a woman and two kids. My heart skips a beat looking at them. Our eyes meet, and the laughter dies down. I feel resentment for him. I hate him! I compose myself and wait for my order. There is nothing that I want other than being out of here. I cannot let my twenty-five-rand go to waste. Times are tough and for me that is a hell of lot of money.
“Sisi. Your ice-cream.” A man shouts taking me out if the misery box of thinking.
I fake a smile and collect what is mine. I quickly walk past them without giving a glance at them. I can feel the stares burning my back.
“Amanda!” The devil is a liar. I will not turn. I cross the road and I can hear footsteps following me. I don’t want him to see me where I live. I feel my shoulder being grabbed harshly. I turn to face my enemy and indeed he is standing here Infront of my eyes.
“Skhumbuzo. What do you want?” I ask. I remember when there was a time when I would call him Buti, and he would blush to my respect. But now all of that respect is gone. He just stands there looking at me not knowing what to say. I challenged the stare, and I won the contest. He looks on the ground in shame.
“How is everyone at home.”
“Our parents passed away. There is no home. I am a prostitute trying to make a living. Now if you would excuse me, I have a client waiting for me.” I click my togue and continue with my journey. My chest is burning with so much hate for him. If I were to tell my mother that this stupid son of hers is here. I know that the first bus to Durban – her butt will be in it, and I cannot have that. It’s better to be and live this way. He has been away for a very long time and not once has he shown ounce to care for us. We are doing just fine without him. He should continue to hide wherever he is.
