THE OTHER BROTHER
CHAPTER 29
MKHUSELI
“Why do I have a fear of hospitals? Is it fear or is it hate that I have?” I ask Doctor Chetty who is sitting infront of me. Last night I couldn’t sleep. The smell of medication, beeping sounds and that busy clicking sounds of shoes. It gave me that horror sensation I went through. Something I cannot erase out of my mind.
“Nosocomephobia refers to a type of specific phobia that involves a marked, excessive fear of hospitals. People with nosocomephobia experience symptoms of anxiety—such as excessive sweating, lightheadedness, rapid breathing, fast heart rate, and nausea—when they visit or think about hospitals. Do you get to experience any of that?” She looks' at me under her glasses. I feel my body tensing up.
“Y...yes.”
“When last did you have episodes?”
“Yesterday night. It’s like the memories were flushing back one after another.” I stand and loosen my belt. Everything that I am wearing is just suffocation to the next level of the next extent.
“Do you want water?” She asks.
“I see his face every night in my dreams. I see him...” A form of saliva bubbles in my mouth. I can't bring myself into saying it. I see my mothers temple. I hold my burning chest and fail to breath. Racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, trembling and muscle tension.
“Please sit down.” She tries touching me and all I can smell is that mans cum dripping out of me. I push her so hard that she stumbles back and balances herself against the wall. Shock written all over face. I am left with regret.
“I’m sorry.” I say. I run out of her office. I just want to be out of her and be as far away as possible. I don't know where but I am walking along the pavement with cold air hitting my face. With my hand buried deep in my pockets – my mind is far from where my soul is. I am broken and I am finding it hard to mend the broken pieces. I look across the road and notice that I am by the beach. I must have walked for a very long time. I can now feel my feet aching a bit. I decide to cross the road. Maybe having a break will take me out of this realty that I am in. I sit on the beech and look at the waves of the sea. Doctor Chetty always told me that the sound of waves has also been proven to relax the mind. As waves come in, crash, and then recede again, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated, which slows down the brain and helps promote relaxation. She was right, everything about this is just therapic. I feel at ease and feel happy about it. I love that I am letting my blood flow. It creates feelings of awe and peace. What I have noticed is having time for myself gives me the chance to break free from social pressures and tap into my own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Finding time to be alone can also have a number of key benefits. The peace and quiet I often seek allows me to sit and really think about things. And this is something I actually enjoy doing. I close my eyes and lean back.
“Constantly being on doesn't give your brain a chance to rest and replenish itself. Being by yourself with no distractions gives you the chance to clear your mind, focus, and think more clearly.” A voice from behind startles me almost choking myself to death. “Sorry to startle you. May I please have a seat?” She seats down and takes a deep breath.
“Bagqibile is the name.” She offers a handshakes. I gladly take it.
“Mkhuseli.”
“Nice to meet you. This is my favorite spot by the way.” She tells me. I look around and see everyone minding their own business. I should come here often instead of having myself all locked up in that house of mines.
“I have never seen you around. Are you from here?” She asks.
“No. Originally, I am from Eshowe but I am this side because of work.” I respond.
“I got a promotion and I was moved this side with my family. I miss home.”
“Are you also from Eshowe?” I ask.
“Yes. I just find it hard to adjust with this city life. Everyone is always rushing off somewhere.” She says making me to laugh. I guess a distraction is what I need
“That is Durban for you.” We both laugh.
“I should get going. It’s my turn to fetch the kids today. My husband is running late.” She stands up and gives me a little smile before walking away. She's pretty but nothing close to my Star. I haven't texted her all day. I should get back. I’ll just use taxi’s going back. I don’t want to find myself having swollen feet in the morning.
